Tongue Tied
by Ellen92
Summary: Don't let anyone in. Be invisible. Avoid everyone. That's my motto and I've been able to live by that, until now, until she came along. AH
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

I am different.

'Unique' is the word doctors used often to refer to my situation. But I know they only put it that way to make me feel better, to make me feel like I'm someone special.

But like I said, they don't fool me; I'm nothing special. Just a troubled teen with issues. Major issues nonetheless. Apparently, something in my brain isn't functioning properly since that stupid accident ten years ago and they have never encountered the symptoms I have before. It is obvious there is something wrong with me but still they can't find the reason why I am who I am today.

But all of that doesn't make me precious, it makes me broken. A piece of shit in which nobody is interested. But I've learned to live with it. I've learned to live with the fact that I'll always be alone. No friends and not even someone to talk to.

But it's for the best. I actually prefer it this way. It's not like I would be able to communicate with anyone anyway. Talking isn't my forte anymore... I stutter, even though my thoughts are crystal clear at all times. And that makes me not wanting to talk anymore and people don't want to talk to me anymore as well. Which is fine by me. I avoid people as much as possible anyway, try to be invisible to everyone who could harm me.

But I failed once. I failed to keep to my motto the minute I was seen by her.

* * *

_A/N:_ _So this something new. :D  
Let me know what you think because I really want to know if it's worth it to continue this idea :)_

_This entire fic will consist of short chapters (+/- 1000 words each) and I'll update frequently (+/- two times a week)  
Hope you at least like this (because I'm quite nervous to share this one with you!)_

Love, Ellen


	2. Caught Red Handed

_A/N: I do not own Twilight. Never have, never will.  
_

_This will probably be the longest chapter of this fic. I just needed you all to get a good view on Edward before we could get started! Enjoy :)_

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**Chapter 1: Caught red handed**

_Edward_

It had been another day in a hell hole better known as high school. Another day of complete boringness, nothingness and loneliness to me. But something I had to endure nonetheless. Every day it was something I had to face while there was nothing I would rather do than just lock myself in my room with my computer, away from everyone and everything.

But no, life wasn't that easy. So every single day I got up and headed towards my own little place of hell.

As usual, I arrived just in time for my first class, so I headed straight to the classroom, not bothering about everyone around me. I had always hated wandering around the school property before the lessons start, mostly because I was always alone. I didn't see the point in coming early if I would just be the loner or freak without any friends. It was already hard enough to spend lunch on my own.

I hurried through the hallway as I was running late when I passed a muscular boy with black spiky hair. One of the popular kids.

"Freak!" he whispered acidly in my direction, his eyes boring in mine. I quickly looked at my feet, avoiding his poisonous gaze while I kept walking towards my first class.

Yes, I was highly aware that I was the school freak.

Freak, mute, loner... I've heard it all. Every insult had been thrown my way. Not very often luckily, but every once in a while, just to remind me of my place within this school system, I guess.

But I tended not to react to it. I ignored it. All of it. All of them. And I was good at it.

I couldn't let them get through me. I didn't allow myself to think about their harsh comments. They didn't know my story, so they didn't know me. And if they didn't know me, their comments weren't for me, they were for the impression they had of me.

There was only one person in this whole fucked-up world that knew the real me, and that was me. Sad, I know.

Not even my mother knew me. She always treated me like a sick kid, while I'm not. I'm not sick, I'm slightly damaged but it's not like I need supervision 24/7. I'm fine on my own and I can very well take care of myself.

I like being on my own actually, only not on school grounds. Even though the comments don't really hurt me, I don't like to be the freak. I'd rather be part of a group, have friends, go out on special or random occasions, just have fun like a normal teenage boy would be doing at this age. But that's not how my life had turned out to be. I was who I was and there was no improvement in sight.

So I had learned to live with it.

I took my place, in the back of the class, at the only empty table – always an empty table as I hated sitting next to people. Well, they probably hated sitting next to me even more but I just felt more comfortable this way so I guess it was a win-win situation.

First period was biology. Mr Banner was explaining some shit about mitosis which I really couldn't be bothered about. I already knew this shit. I knew a lot because reading is my favourite and main pass-time. Yes, not having any friends allows you a lot of free time... And I liked to spend that time reading about stuff that interested me. Consider me a nerd, if you want to. I already had the perfect glasses and the haircut for it anyway. The typical nerd glasses and the smoothly combed hair. I usually spent more than half an hour every day trying to tame that damned hair of mine. My mom always said I looked better when it was a tangled mess, but I didn't see the point in looking better as I had no one to impress, so I kept it neat, for my own comfort.

But as I was saying, I was a bright kid, I had always been, thanks to all the reading of course. But even though I could answer every single question I was asked, I often pretended not to know. No one knew how smart I really was. Nobody. Not even my parents. I hid it by always managing to score just enough to pass.

I guess I didn't want to be called 'nerd' as well, even though in some way I was. There are only that much insults a teenage boy can take. Or maybe I just didn't want the other kids to be nice to me, just so they could get my notes if they hadn't paid attention once again.

Yes, another one of my well-thought-of defence mechanisms.

The morning passed slowly, so slowly I had a hard time trying to stay awake. When the bell chilled through the classroom to signal lunch I groaned inwardly. I hated lunch. Well, I hated this whole stupid school, but lunch is the most horrible period of the day.

I got up, gathered my books and made my way to the already crowded cafeteria. While doing this, I tried to be as invisible as possible.

_Look nobody in the eye. _

_Bump into no one. _

_Avoid groups of popular kids. _

_No detours. _

I had it all mapped out and every time I was walking through the hallways I was holding my breath, as if I was waiting for someone to snap at me or throw a nasty comment my way. But today, I was spared and succeeded in my attempts to avoid people.

I sighed in relief as I let myself fall in the chair of my lunch table. Once again, in the back of the room, where I felt safer.

By that time, people didn't really notice me anymore. I didn't get the long stares I used to get all the time. You know, everyone gaping at you, whispering to the ones next to them. _Look at him. Doesn't he have any friends? What a loner. That Cullen kid is a freak, no wonder he's always on his own. He can't even talk, I think. That stupid kid with his stupid stutter. _

They might think that I didn't hear them, but I did. I heard all of it. But as I said, after a while it got old news. They knew I was weird and just left me alone. I guess I really did manage to come invisible at a certain level.

But that didn't make lunch any easier. It was still the worst part of a school day, even though I was ignored mostly, because I was thrown in a social situation. And believe me, being in a social situation in the last thing you want when you stutter.

People had tried to communicate with me before, a lot of times, despite all the harsh comments. Of course not the same ones. The more compassionate ones had tried to talk to me, maybe tried to be friends with me, but I had just ignored them 'til they went away. Harsh, I know, but it was the only way to make them understand that I'm not some charity case they have to look after. As I already said, I'm fine on my own.

And after two years , they finally got the point and left me alone. Well, apart from throwing insults at my head of course. Yes, even the ones who at first were friendly had now joined the darker side. I couldn't care less about it though.

Everyone had gathered in the cafeteria now and the noise was just horrible. People talking, laughing, yelling even... Can't they just enjoy their meal in silence?

Sometimes I felt older than I really was. I couldn't be 17, the same age as all those fuckers here. I felt ten times more mature. I really couldn't wait for high school to be over.

I sighed in relief when it was time to go back to class again. Even though those stupid lessons couldn't bother me, I preferred to be in class than to be in the cafeteria. It's easier to blend in when you're in the back of the class. Especially when even the teachers don't bother to indicate you anymore to give an answer. It takes me approximately five times longer than any other student to pronounce the answer - that I know instantly of course, not that anyone knows- so why would they invest their time in it?

Again, another win-win. They don't lose time and I become invisible, once again. _Invisible, invisible, invisible. That's the key word to my life. _

My eyes were fixed on my watch, following the movement as the seconds passed. _Tick tick tick_... It was comforting to see time pass, knowing that with every tick of my watch, I was one second closer to getting out of this hell hole.

"That's it for today, guys," Mr Jones concluded our English class. I sighed contently. Only one more hour to go. After I had collected my books, I reached behind me to take my jacket from my chair, only to realize it wasn't there. My brow furrowed in confusion.

When did I last have it?

I was mentally going over my day, trying to remember when I could have lost it. And then it hit me. I must have forgotten it in the lockers room after PE... That was the only possibility. I threw a quick glance at my watch and realized that if I would go pick it up now, I'd be late in math. _Not gonna happen. Guess I'll have to go get it after school. _

The last hour had passed once again in its slow, excruciating way but luckily without any other incidents of being insulted. A successful day in my book.

And now I could finally go home.

I made my way through the hallway to the parking lot, once again avoiding people as much as possible. Relieved I took a seat in my car, fumbling with the radio as I waited for everyone else to leave the parking lot. I always waited for every other car to be gone before I reversed.

My car was my life, one of the only things I treasured besides my computer that is, and there was no way one of these stupid kids was gonna dent or damage it. I swear half of them must have gotten their drivers licence in a package of cereals, regarding their driving skills.

When I could finally turn on the engine, I remembered my forgotten jacket in the locker's room. _Great. _Grumbling under my breath I got out of my car again and went back to the school building.

The hallways were deserted, as you would have expected of course. Everyone had already gone home.

I quickly walked through the building to the boy's lockers room. I was just going to snatch that stupid jacket of the rack and speed home but as I passed the girl's lockers room, I saw that the door was slightly open, only by a few inches, but enough to be able to peek inside. It wasn't intentionally that I looked, but when my eyes fell on a figure inside, I couldn't look away.

One of the girls was still getting dressed, her brown hair still damp from the shower she had just taken, I assumed. She was like an angel. No, she was even better. Her milky skin was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

I knew her, of course I did. In a town as small as Forks everyone knew everyone. And that girl there was Bella Swan, daughter of Fork's chief of police.

I had seen her before, multiple times, when she had walked across school property, but I've never really looked at her. I never looked at anyone.

But now I was and she was exquisite. I couldn't tear my eyes away from her. _How come I had never I noticed her before?_

Maybe because I didn't really notice anyone in school, but I guess mostly because I knew she was _way_ out of my league. She wasn't one of the popular girls per se, but she wasn't unpopular as well. Rumours were that Mike Newton, the "leader" of the popular crowd, had a thing for her so that makes her kind of popular as well, I guess. Not that she cared. But other than that she wasn't like the queen of Forks High. She was just a normal teenage girl. A breathtakingly beautiful teenage girl. I could easily see why Newton was so smitten with her.

I was lost as well, trying to take in her beauty. But then she suddenly turned around and looked at me, her eyes widening as she caught me staring at her almost naked body. My brain started racing at a hundred miles an hour as the initial shock in her eyes changed into white fury. I was caught red handed.

I had failed to be invisible.

* * *

_A/N: Well well, is little Edward in some trouble?_

_Let me know what you think, please! Still think this is worth it to be continued? :)_

_Oh, thank you Cagla_x for your betawork ;)_

_Love, Ellen_


	3. Rage

**Chapter 2: Rage**

_Bella_

I hated taking showers after PE. It was just weird and it made me feel too exposed. But I had sweated too much during this torturous volleyball lesson that I just couldn't pass on it this time.

Luckily, no one else seemed to be bothered by their sweating bodies. They just got dressed and fled out of the room as quickly as possible, happy to go home after another boring day in high school. _Thank fucking god._

By the time I returned out of the shower, into our lockers room, everyone else had already left. I sighed in relief as I hated getting dressed while people were watching.

Not that I had any major complexes. There was nothing wrong with my body per se, but still, there are always little things I'd have liked to see different. For once I'm seriously too pale, my skin is almost translucent. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I want one of those fake tans that make you look like an orange but a little more colour would be very welcome. But all in all, I wasn't complaining. I just didn't like someone around me while I got dressed. High school lives of gossip and most of those rumours started in the locker rooms.

Not that I was the subject of gossip often. Only the ones Mike Newton came up with. Mostly ones that involved the fact that we were dating. Which we were not. And we would never be.

Seriously, it's not because the kid was popular that he could get every girl he wanted, especially me. No, just no.

I guess I would have rather died than let Newton touch me. God knows where his hands had already been. I bet on more than half of the school's girls, that is. Gross!

I quickly towelled my hair, while humming one of those new pop tunes. Don't ask me the name of the song, because I wouldn't have been able to tell you. _Yes, I was one of those girls._

I rummaged through my bag, looking for a comb, hoping that I hadn't forgotten it at home, which would be typical of me of course. There weren't a lot of days that I found myself not forgetting something.

And today wasn't one of those days.

As alternative I combed my fingers through my hair to get the knots out of it as much as possible. After about five minutes of torturing myself I had managed to straighten and unknot it to a point that I looked decent.

You know how they always say that you can feel it when someone is watching you? Well, I had that exact feeling at that moment. Like someone's eyes were on me. It was like miniscule chills were going through my entire body.

I slowly turned around, actually expecting to see nobody as I thought the room was completely empty but I couldn't have been more wrong.

Edward freaking Cullen was staring at me through the slightly open door, his eyes fixated on my body.

_Who the hell didn't close the door? _

And on top of that I was hardly wearing any clothes. I was in my underwear for Christ's sake!

"What the hell?" I yelled, in a reflex covering as much skin as possible with my hands.

His eyes widened in fear as he realized he had been caught before he quickly turned around, as red as a tomato, and fled out of the hallway.

A feeling of rage was boiling up inside me. _Who does he think he is? Being all innocent but when no one's watching he's a complete pervert! _

I quickly threw on my sweater and jeans, left everything behind and ran after him. I wasn't going to let him get away with this so easily.

He was already in the parking lot – which was empty by now – when I caught up with him.

"Who do you think you are?" I shouted, still walking hurriedly towards him. He stopped abruptly and slowly turned around, fear still evident in his eyes, but I didn't care. He has harassed me so I had every right to shout at him. "I'm... I-I-I'm-m-m..." he stuttered.

"Oh don't tell me you're sorry!" I snapped, pointing my finger at him accusingly. He looked scared, like a deer trapped in a corner. For a second I felt bad about how I was treating him, but then again, he was the one peeking inside so yeah, he had all rights to be scared. He had no business there, watching me so I didn't feel like I was overreacting.

"Are you gonna talk or what?" I yelled, stopping about two feet away from him.

"I-I-I'd..."

"Seriously, what is wrong with you? Are you really a freak, huh?"

By now his eyes were glazing and he was gaping like a fish, trying to say something but no sounds left his mouth.

"How many times have you already played the spy?" I spat at him, my anger flaring because of his silence. He shook his head heavily; his eyes closed, but still, not a word.

"I see what you're doing here, you know! Being all innocent and stuttering so nobody would expect anything but in fact you're just lurking on every girl here! God, I even bet that when it comes to it, you're just fine!"

I heard him take in a deep breath, obviously shocked at my accusation. _Yeah, take that mister!_

I was waiting for him to response but once again he stayed mute, looking like I had just stabbed his puppy or whatever. _I couldn't care less. _

After an angry staring contest on my side and a hurtful staring contest on his side, I turned around with a big huff, making my way back to the girl's lockers room. I was wasting my time with this loser. I didn't know how, but I was going to get back to him.

"Perv!" I yelled as I ran up the stairs to the main entrance. I didn't know if he could still hear it, but I hoped he did. _Serves him well. _

I quickly put on my clothes and took my bag, wanting to go home as soon as possible now. I felt like I needed another shower.

And that's exactly what I did when I arrived home. Luckily for him, Edward had been out of the parking lot when I arrived back, because my rage was still boiling under the surface of my skin and seeing him would probably have set me off again.

The whole ride home I had been thinking about how I was going to handle this. I could go to the principal, but I think, seeing Edward's spotless reputation in our school, he'd get away with a simple remark and the promise to never do it again. Like in kindergarten...

So, no I would have to come up with a better plan.

As I crawled into bed that night, I still didn't know how to handle the situation. Part of me wanted to forget about it all and just pretend it never happened because it was kind of embarrassing for me as well, another part wanted to talk to him, ask him why he was there and have a decent conversation about this, but then there was that last, vicious part of me that wanted to take revenge.

I decided to let the night decide. Maybe after a good night's rest I could put everything in perspective and finally decide what I would do.

But as I was reminded of his eyes on me, travelling all over my almost naked body I couldn't help but lean towards the last option. I felt disgusting every time I thought about it.

Nevertheless, the last thing I saw as I fell asleep were his green eyes filled with hurt and fear.

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_A/N:Thank you for reading! Still liking this? :) _

_Thanks to Cagla_x _

_Love, Ellen_


	4. Scared

**Chapter 3: Scared**

_Edward_

Remarks had never hurt me. They never did. Not once did one of the comments people threw at me affect me in any way.

But somehow now that _she_ had said something harsh, it did. It hurt. I hurt to the very core of my bones, in every fibre of my pathetic being.

And I didn't know why I was suddenly so affected by some words that had never affected me before.

Maybe because I had just realized that she was exquisite and because I had never expected _her_ to say something like that.

Bella had never before called me out on something. Ever. She was one of those people who were actually nice to me, even though I didn't want them to. Of course she, just as everyone else, had given up on those nice gestures when I made it very clear that I wanted to be left alone. But even though I had made my point clear, she had always been nice to me. Distant, but nice nonetheless.

But today, she hadn't been kind. She had said the worst of all words. She had accused me of feigning whatever illness I had.

And even though her words had hurt badly I guess in some way, I deserved parts of them.

What was I even thinking, watching her like she was some kind of animal in the zoo? Why hadn't I just walked away after I had noticed that the door was slightly ajar? Why had my brain only reacted when it was too late? _Right, because you're stupid!_

I'll never forget the look of anger that had spread across her beautiful face when she noticed I was ogling her. Anger that was completely directed towards me.

Never in my life had I wished more to be able to just disappear. And apparently fleeing out of the hallway, into the parking lot, hadn't been enough to escape it all.

The sharp-edged tone of her voice as she called my name cut through my flesh. I was frozen in spot, unable to move. I wanted to tell her it was all a misunderstanding, sort of. And that I was sorry, above all, that I regretted being so stupid. I needed her to know that I had never meant to harass her, but of course, my speaking abilities were completely against me. I couldn't even form a decent apology before she was talking again.

She threw every insult possible in my face but the one that hurt most was that one where she assumed that my whole life was a play, that I was just acting to be who I was. _If that were only true..._

Did she really think that I wanted to be like this? Did she really believe that this is what I wanted my life to be? Couldn't she tell that all I ever wanted was to be normal? To just be like them? Apparently she couldn't...

Totally unexpected Bella broke eye contact with me, after shooting angry glares at me for more than five minutes straight and ran back towards the school building. I saw it as my cue to leave as soon as possible. As I stepped into my car, I heard the last insult she threw at me, yelling the one word for the entire school ground. "Perv."

Tears were threatening to fall. I never cried.

Ever.

Never would I have thought that I would be the person to be insulted for being a pervert. But maybe that's exactly what I was now. A pervert. A teenage boy lurking at a young girl getting dressed because that's all he can get.

She made me question everything. Why could she make me feel so weak? Why could a few words from her unravel me and make me so vulnerable, make me feel so exposed?

The entire drive home I was fighting those tears, fighting myself from falling apart. I could not let her affect me. I could not take her words seriously. She didn't know me. She didn't know what she was talking about.

I kept repeating those words over and over again, as a mantra, but nothing helped. It still hurt.

Once home, I busted through the front door, through the living room, hoping I could lock myself in my room without anyone noticing my arrival. But apparently, luck wasn't at my side today. _Well, that had already been proved, hadn't it?_

"Edward?"

I ignored my mother and just kept walking to the staircase that led to the sanctuary of my room.

"Edward, are you okay?"

"F-f-f-f-ine," I managed to croak out in response, the lump in my throat probably giving away that I wasn't fine at all. But the last thing I needed was my mother feeling bad for me. I didn't need her compassion. I didn't need her to baby me. I was seventeen years old for Christ sake!

"Sweetheart, what happened?" Sweetheart. Tss, I hated it when she called me that. Talk about babying someone.

"I-i-i-t's o-kay." My voice sounded so weak. _Stupid stutter. _

But luckily my mom didn't follow me up the stairs. If there was one thing she knew, it was when she needed to leave me the hell alone. _Thank fucking god_.

I slammed the door shot, breathing in relief because here no one could touch me, here I was safe.

Or so I thought.

I might be safe from people's words and comments, but I wasn't safe from my own fucked-up mind. Bella's words kept playing over and over in my head, taunting me, torturing me.

'_Seriously, what is wrong with you? Are you really a freak, huh?'_

Maybe I was a freak that I didn't belong here. Maybe they should lock me up somewhere, away from everyone and anything. Maybe I really was damaged beyond repair.

'_I see what you're doing here, you know! Being all innocent and stuttering so nobody would expect anything but in fact you're just lurking on every girl here! God, I even bet you're just fine!'_

I was not fine. I was anything but fine. I couldn't remember a time I had felt this bad. Maybe right after the accident, but I'm not sure.

I couldn't seem to be able to figure out why all of the sudden someone could affect me this much? Why was she different from all the rest? Why could she hurt me while no one else could?

With a sigh I let myself fall on my bed, staring at the plain, white sealing of my room, hoping that the crushing feeling would go away or at least subside, but nothing changed. Her words were still burning a hole through my mind, biting a way straight to my soul.

And worst of all; I had a feeling she wasn't going to just drop this. She wasn't going to let me get away with this so easily. The last thing I had seen in her eyes before she turned around in the parking lot was determination. Determination to hurt me even more, maybe even crush me.

As if I wasn't already broken enough.

I guess she would be the person to break my final straw. If she wanted she could totally break me down.

My heartbeat sped up thinking about all the ways she could get to me, all the ways she could hurt me. Even thinking of things she could say to me hurt. There were many of them and as I was imagining all of those things, I knew that tomorrow would be horrible.

* * *

_A/N: Poor, poor Edward!_

_Leave me your thoughts please :)_

_**Next update: **__Wednesday 27th _


	5. Regret

_A day earlier, but I don't think you mind, right? :') Enjoy!_

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**Chapter 4: Regret**

_Bella_

The shrill sound of my alarm clock woke me that morning, shaking me from my dream - or nightmare; I couldn't quite tell yet - where a pair of haunting green eyes was staring at me in fear.

It didn't take me long to realize who the owner of those eyes was.

Edward Cullen.

The innocent Edward Cullen. or at least that what was everyone thought. Apparently he wasn't as innocent as he made everyone believe.

I ran my hand through my hair, combing my fingers through the thick locks while my mind went over yesterday's events.

Anger was still boiling under my skin as I remembered his eyes on me. I still hadn't forgiven him, that much was certain, but I felt a lot calmer then I had been yesterday evening. I guess a good night's rest puts things a bit in perspective.

I still hadn't decided what I was going to do about it all though, but I realized there was no hurry to make that decision. I could taunt him a little bit first.

I got up and got dressed in a pair of my favourite skinny jeans and a grey sweater. It was only March but the weather was quite nice for Forks. I was actually quite surprised that it wasn't raining. _Forks never fails to surprise you. _

When I arrived downstairs, I saw that my dad had already left, leaving me alone with my mom for breakfast.

My dad was Fork's chief of police and actually almost never home. Either he was working or he was out fishing. And on the rare occasions that he was home, he was sitting on the couch watching the sport channel.

And my mom, well, she was just her crazy, erratic self, finding herself another hobby every week but we were happy.

I quickly kissed her cheek when I heard Alice sounding the horn, announcing her arrival. I was lucky to have a best friend like her, who was willing to pick me up every morning my mom wouldn't let me use her car because she needed it for one of her crazy trips. I used to have my own car, an old, red Chevy pickup truck but unfortunately my baby had died a few weeks ago. And of course, my high school student budget didn't cover for a new car, nor did my parents' income. But up 'til now I hadn't really had any problems.

On our way to school we chatted about the most random things, well, Alice talked and I listened, like usual. For a brief moment I thought about telling her the entire 'Edward Cullen is a perv-story' but in the end I decided against it. And it's not like I would have been able to say anything while she was talking. Apparently some Hollywood star had launched a new clothing line and it was all she could think about. But even though she could be annoying as hell sometimes, I loved Alice more than anyone in this entire world.

She parked her car smoothly in the slowly filling parking lot. As we walked to the entrance, I quickly scanned the lot for the silver Volvo, but there was no sign of it yet.

In fact, I didn't know why I did it, but I guess I kind of wondered if he would have the nerve to show up today.

"Bella?" Alice poked me in the arm, asking for my attention again. Oh, I guess I must have been completely lost in thought because I hadn't even noticed Rosalie arriving.

"Euh, what?" I asked apologetically, finally arriving back on the face of the earth.

"Jeez, where were you?" Rose laughed. "She asked if you'll join us tonight."

"Tonight?"

"Oh my god, Bella, have you been listening to anything I've been saying the past five minutes?" Alice shrieked, throwing her hands up in defeat.

I shrugged apologetically.

"Shopping? Port Angeles?"

"Oh sorry, guys, I can't. I promised my mom to cook dinner tonight," I said truthfully.

"Oh okay, some other time then," she said casually before walking off to her first class.

I hurried to my next class, subconsciously scanning the hallways for the bronze hair. When I realized I was doing it, I shook my head, trying to snap out of it. _What the hell is wrong with me today? _

I took my seat in class, next to the pretty harmless Tyler Crowley. _That's exactly what you thought of Edward Cullen as well._

I growled under my breath as I allowed my mind to wander back to _him. _Seriously, what was wrong with me? I didn't even know the guy and yet now I couldn't stop thinking about him. And not in a way I was expecting it. I wasn't contemplating ways to get back at him, to humiliate him or whatever, I was just randomly thinking of him. Randomly, with flashes of his face as I called him out yesterday.

For the reminder of the morning I was distracted, to say at least. I tried very hard to keep focussed on what the teachers were saying but it was all in vain. They might as well have been talking about how the earth was going to be attacked by aliens tomorrow and I would still have nodded in agreement.

When the bell signalled the end of class, I was growing frustrated with myself. Why couldn't I let this go?

I quickly hurried towards the cafeteria, kind of hoping that seeing the stupid boy who had occupied my thoughts for the past twenty hours would be enough to finalize everything. I wished that it would trigger me into action. Any type of action., I didn't care anymore. I just wanted it to be over with.

For a moment I thought that my initial thoughts this morning were true, that he hadn't had the nerve to come to school today.

But then I found him, sitting in his usual spot in the back of the room, all by himself, like every other day. His eyes quickly diverted to his plate as if the food was the most fascinating thing he had ever seen. He had obviously noticed that I was looking for him and now his whole demeanour screamed that he was utterly and completely frightened.

Oh god, what had I done?

This boy, who I didn't even know, was scared of me. So scared that he wouldn't even dare to look in my direction again. I felt sick.

I had to make this up. I had to.

I remembered how my blood used to boil when someone else would throw a nasty remark his way, and now I wasn't any better than those people. I had insulted him in a way no one deserved it. I had assumed things I knew nothing about.

I hadn't even given him the time to explain himself, explain why he was in the hallway, looking inside the girl's lockers room.

At that moment I had felt like he didn't need to explain himself as it had seemed pretty obvious what had happened, but now I was beginning to realize that there might be something I was overlooking. Right now, I just couldn't see this shy boy having the nerve to spy on a girl getting dressed. He didn't even have the nerve to look at me now.

I don't think I've ever loathed myself more than right at this very moment.

Every plan of revenge that I had yesterday was completely forgotten when I saw him sitting in the back of the cafeteria, looking more lost and scared than ever.

I slowly made my way over to him, ignoring the weird looks Alice and Rose shot me as I passed their table. I would explain everything later but now I had to set something right.

Edward's eyes quickly shot up from his plate when he heard me approaching, the heels of my black pumps resonating against the linoleum cafeteria floor. He almost ducked completely away when he realized I was heading towards his table, fear so evident in his eyes.

Did he really think I was going to hurt him?

Oh wait, I already had, hadn't I?

_Bella, what have you gotten yourself into?_

When I finally was in front of his table I could actually see him trembling and it made my heart ache. What had I done?

I opened my mouth to say something, but no sounds left my lips. I didn't know what to say.

_Should I just apologize? _

I took a deep breath and said the first thing that came to my mind. "Um...hi."

* * *

_A/N: Oh, I love to keep you hanging!_

_But see, Bella isn't that bad!_

_Leave me your thoughts_

_Thanks to momma2fan for the amazing beta work!  
_

_**Next update: **__Friday 28__th_

_Love, Ellen  
_


	6. Please just go

**Chapter 5: Please just go**

_Edward._

The moment I saw Bella walking towards my table in the cafeteria, I knew I was as good as dead.

Never in my life had I felt a more powerful urge to run than right at that very moment. I just wanted to get up and leave. I wanted to get the hell out of this place. I just wanted to disappear into nothingness, be really invisible just as I intended to be all the time.

But right this time, I had nowhere to go. I was all alone, at a table in the back and the only way out of this place at the other side of the room, behind Bella. It was as if that door was mocking at me right now, laughing at what was going to happen to me.

I was dead, and most definitely no longer invisible.

Bella was going to make a scene here. It all made sense as I saw her coming closer and closer, a determined look on her face. She was going to yell at me in front of the entire lunch crowd and I was going to have to take it because I wouldn't be able to hide. I was in full display of everyone even though I was in the corner of the room. She would call me out for being a pervert and a voyeur and within seconds the entire school would be chanting those words with her like an anthem.

I let myself sink further into my chair, my heart beating faster than ever.

I was dead.

I counted the steps she took towards me. And with every step, my throat was getting dryer and I had to clench my teeth together not to lose it already. _Breathe, Edward, breathe! _I clasped my hands together, willing them to stop trembling.

I was utterly and totally terrified.

Of a girl.

The moment she stopped in front of my table was exactly the moment where my heart probably had stopped beating. And I guess I had stopped breathing as well. _Yeah, like that will make you invisible again! _

I was preparing myself for the full blow, but nothing came. She was silent, just standing there, saying absolutely nothing. And I was too scared to look up and see why she wasn't yelling yet.

I could already feel everyone's eyes on me. The entire room had suddenly gone almost quiet, only a few whispers making their way through the crowded cafeteria, but all eyes were on the table in the back of the room. My table.

_Please go away. Please go away. Please go away. _

But Bella didn't leave. She stayed exactly where she was and then when she finally started speaking, she said the last word I would ever have guessed she would say to me after what had happened. "Um... Hi."

Because of this total surprise, my eyes shot up from my table and met hers. And what I saw there was another shock to add to my list. Her chocolate brown eyes weren't filled with hate or anger; they were soft and remorseful and it almost made me feel bad.

_What is she playing at?_

"Can I talk to you for a second?" she finally asked, almost in a whisper.

I didn't respond. I couldn't even if I wanted to. My throat was too dry to produce any sound whatsoever. And I hated it. I hated that I couldn't speak up because all I wanted to do was yell at her to leave me alone. I hated being the centre of attention and that was exactly what I was right this very moment. All eyes were on our table, waiting for the Bella bomb to burst and embarrass me. _Yeah, spectacle of the month._

But nothing happened. She remained silent and waited for my answer. But that answer would never come.

After what seemed like an eternity, in which I still hadn't said a word obviously, she drew back a chair and sat down in front of me, making my heart speed up even more.

_Please just leave._

"Edward?" she asked again, her voice so soft and quiet, but I still didn't react. Even now there wasn't any direct threat, but I was still scared nonetheless.

Did she even realize how much power she had over me right now? One harsh word and the entire school would go crazy. They would adore her and hate me even more.

"Can you please say something, anything?" Bella pleaded.

"Ca-a-a-an you-ou-ou pleas-s-s-e go?" I stuttered, finally able to voice my thoughts even though my words were no louder than a whisper. My eyes were scanning the place cautiously in the meantime. Everyone was still watching, wondering why Bella had chosen to take a seat with me instead of with her friends.

Bella suddenly seemed to have noticed the sudden lack of conversation around us as well and her eyes started scanning the room, taking it all in. I could see her hand tighten into a fist on the table and for a moment I thought she was finally going to start shouting at me, but I couldn't have been more wrong.

"WE'RE NOT A MUSEUM PIECE SO YOU CAN ALL GO BACK TO EATING NOW!" she yelled towards no one in particular, startling the hell out of everyone, including me.

Embarrassed they all diverted their eyes, but I could see that they were still peering out of the corner of their eyes, wondering what was going on in the back of the room. Hushed conversations were starting again as Bella kept shooting daggers at everyone who even dared to look in our direction again. The entire thing confused the hell out of me but at least I was happy her anger wasn't directed at me. Yet, at least.

"I really need to talk to you," she said, turning her body back towards me, but once again, I remained silent. Maybe after a while she would just give up and leave. Nobody wants to talk to the mute boy.

I toyed with the apple on my plate, refusing to look at her again when suddenly her hand shot out and covered mine. In a reflex I tore it away from underneath hers, quickly placing it on my lap again, as my eyes fearfully shot to hers again. She as well was obviously shocked by my reaction to her almost harmless gesture but mixed within the shock there was sympathy visible in her eyes. Sympathy for the poor, lonely teenage boy with no friends. _Great._

"Okay, then don't say anything, but I really need to say this," she said, forcing her eyes to mine so I wouldn't look away again. I

"I'm sorry for yelling at you. I really am. I shouldn't have just gone off at you like that. I guess there's a very good reason why you were... well... where you were."

I nodded slightly, giving her at least that much for apologizing. _God, she really was apologizing to me._

_Shouldn't I be the one to do that? I was the one caught staring at her..._

I opened my mouth, willing to say something or at least try to say something, explain that I was just trying to get to the boy's locker's room to pick up my coat, but she interrupted me before I could even make an attempt to say something in return.

"I know I was in no position to just say the things I said. They were horrible, Edward, and I'm so sorry. I didn't mean any of that. I was just startled and I-"

At this point, I was just losing it. Was this her way for getting back at me? Making me feel so damn awful about myself?

"Ju-u-u-ust le-e-e-et it go," I uttered, hoping she would just get up and leave already.

_Please, just go._

"I can't let it go, Edward," Bella said forcefully now,. "I hate people who say stuff like that to you. I've always judged them and now I'm no better than they are. We don't know what you've gone through or why you are the way you are so we don't have the right to talk bad about you." She paused for a moment before continuing. "I'm really sorry I did."

My eyes shot up at hers. She had just told me the most basic thing I believed in to make it through every single day at school. _They don't know the real me so they can't hurt me._

A soft smile crept on my lips as I saw the sincerity on her face. Maybe I could, well, sort of forgive her after all.

If I told her we were cool, she would at least leave so I could return to my own bubble of invisibility.

She would no longer feel bad, and neither would I. It would be a win-win.

"It-t-t-t's-s-s-s o-oo-o-okayyy," I sputtered, offering her a half-hearted smile along with it to show that I really was okay. I was used to being humiliated and insulted, but she was the very first one to ever apologize, so why shouldn't I accept her apology? I bet she even really meant what she said. _God, girls are confusing. _

But the smile that spread on her lips when she realized I had really accepted her apology made me happy about my decision. I guess that was the first time a girl had ever smiled at me like that. And I would be lying if I said I didn't like it.

* * *

_A/N: __Persistent Bella and a shy Edward, well, well well!_

_Leave me your thoughts ;) PRETTY PLEASE *-*  
_

_Thanks to momma2fan for the beta job ;)  
_

_**Next update: **Saturday ;)  
_

_Love, Ellen  
_


	7. Confused

_A day later than promised (I'm sorry!) I ended up at the seaside yesterday, and I have no internet connection there so there was no way I could post it..._

_Hope you're still with me ;)_

* * *

**Chapter 6: Confused**

_Bella_

The bell sounded through the cafeteria, announcing the end of break and causing everyone to get up instantly. The sound of multiple chairs scraping against the linoleum floor gave me chills all over my body. _Is it really that hard to just lift the chair a few inches? God! _

I was still sitting at Edward's table, not entirely satisfied with my apology yet. I owned him. I really felt like I owed him. Not only for yelling but God, I had probably scared the poor guy to death with it.

He was already up, quickly putting the leftovers of his lunch in his blue backpack and zipping it up before slinging it over his back.

I jumped up from my chair as well, forcing my eyes once again into his. I really needed this eye contact before I could talk to him. I had a feeling that if he was looking away, he was closing himself off and didn't hear a thing.

"Edward, I want to make this up to you," I said, once I thought I had his attention, "I'd do anything."

_God, Bella, could you be any more desperate?_

He shook his head, obviously showing that there was no need for me to make this up.

But I couldn't just let this pass. I felt horrible and I hated the feeling. His accepting my apology just wasn't enough.

"No, really, Edward, please!" I pleaded, blocking his way partially so he would have to face me.

"I'm-m-m-m al-l-l-lready late fo-o-o-or class-ss," he stuttered, forcing his eyes once again to the blue floor while carefully passing me without a single touch. I watched as he made his way through the crowd, not touching a single person on his way out._ That boy was a pro at avoiding body contact. _

I was still staring at him when Alice and Rosalie joined me, gaping at me like I had just eaten something from the floor or whatever.

"What the hell just happened?" Alice shrieked, pinching me in the arm.

"Why were you talking to the geek?" Rosalie added, angrily.

"I have something to make up to him," I said, already walking away from them, but unfortunately they were quickly to catch up on with me.

"Why on earth would you have to do that?" Rose shouted, confusion all over her insanely beautiful face.

"Because," I stated, not willing to give them a complete rerun of yesterday's events.

"Bella, you just don't make something up to someone _because,_" Alice chimed in,. "What happened?"

I sighed deeply, contemplating just how much I was going to tell them. Most definitely nothing about the locker room incident. They'd go around tell and that wouldn't get us anywhere. It was an accident and it could have happened to any one so it was something that was going to stay between Edward and me.

"I called him out, undeserved," I said, deciding that that would have to do.

"Jesus, Bella, everyone in this entire school does that," Rose responded, rolling her eyes.

"Well, they shouldn't! And I feel bad because I did, so I was being a grown-up and I apologized," I stated, shooting daggers at my friend.

Rosalie might be intimidating to some people, with her gorgeous body, perfectly tanned skin and styled blond locks of hair, but she was one of my best friends and I didn't find a single thing intimidating about her anymore. She was just Rose to me and I wasn't afraid to contradict her.

"What names did you call him?" Alice asked curiously.

"Does it matter?" I huffed, annoyed by it all. Why couldn't they just let it go? Why was everyone so intrigued about what I had or had not told him?

"Come on, Bella, we won't tell anyone. Please, please, please." Alice was pleading now, folding her tiny hands together as she walked in front of me. When she added that puppy dog look to it all, I caved in. Well, partially.

"I called him a freak," I muttered, recalling one of the least insulting things I had yelled at him yesterday. I felt worse about the whole 'You're just playing innocent while in fact you're just spying on every girl in the school'- part because by now I knew that the truth was so far away from that. He was terrified to look at a girl, so spying would probably be the least of his concerns.

"So what, he _is_ a freak!"

"ROSE!" I scolded; once again hurt by the way she was going off on him. Seriously, had she always been that way?

"God, Bella, every single person in this school has already thrown insults at him, so why do you suddenly care about it so much?"

"Well, I don't want to be one of them! I really want to make it up to him, Rose," I said truthfully, "It makes me feel bad, okay?"

"Well, you've just spend your entire lunch with him, giving him more attention than all of us together have given him in the past year so I think you're good," Rosalie muttered, unintentionally biting her manicured fingernails as we entered the class room.

Rose!" I tried to explain, "He doesn't want the attention. From the first second, I had a feeling that he'd rather see me leaving than staying with him and giving him some minutes of fame or whatsoever."

"Well, then maybe you should leave him alone, like everyone else does."

I ignored Rose's comment as I was too lost in my own thoughts to even really notice her harsh tone. In my mind I was going over the entire lunch again, trying to figure out why everything bothered me so much while he didn't even seem to be bothered the slightest. Was he really that used to being insulted?

The thing that stood out to me the most was the fact that he really did look really uncomfortable the entire time I was around him. He had followed my every move and gesture from out of the corner of his eye and when I had, without even thinking, placed my hand on top of his, he removed his so quickly that I didn't even have time to react to it.

Maybe he was just afraid of human contact? He never seemed to touch anyone, let alone speak to someone.

By this time, I wasn't paying attention to any of my classes anymore as my mind was still at that lunch table, trying to form an image of the real Edward Cullen.

One thing was certain; he was rather on his own and hated being the centre of attention. And I had just violated those two things for him. _Great, another thing to add to the pile of things I should feel guilty about. _

But the longer I thought of it, the more I wanted to know him, the more I wanted to just get to him and it really confused me as to why that was. I never really paid attention to him before, but now that I had, I couldn't let it go. He seemed like a really nice guy but for some reason he was so closed off from everything that it was almost painful to watch. Throughout the entire conversation I could see the pain in his eyes. It wasn't prominent, but it was there, lurking around the corner, but still very well hidden.

Maybe all he needed was someone to just drag him out of it, someone who would just listen to him and take his side. Maybe all he needed was a friend.

And in some weird way, I felt like I really wanted to be that person to him. I wanted to help him, not in some sort of sick, charity way, but in a normal, friendly way.

The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that this could be my way of saying sorry to him. And to be honest, I was actually really looking forward to being his friend because he seemed like someone true and genuine, someone who wouldn't start talking behind your back like you can expect from everyone nowadays.

God, maybe this wasn't such a bad thing after all.

* * *

_A/N: :D :D :D_

_Thank you for reading :D (and reviewing *wink*)  
_

_Lots of love for momma2fan!  
_

_**Next update:** Probably Tuesday evening (unless I'm at the seaside again (yes, again) You can check my Twitter for updates: HolyKristen)  
_

_Love, Ellen  
_


	8. No more escaping

**Chapter 7: No more escaping**

_Bella_

I admit it, my plan to become Edward's friend had seemed much easier in theory than in reality. I had been quite naïve to think that I would just be able to walk up to him, tell him that I wanted to be his friend and that would do it.

But no.

I guess I should have known that Edward Cullen wouldn't react the usual way to this at all. I should have known that he wouldn't be ecstatic about this whole new thing.

At first, he didn't even give me a chance to talk to him after that day at lunch. It was obvious that he was avoiding me. Like to the extremes.

Every time I saw him in the hallway or at school grounds and tried to catch his attention, he suddenly took off, making his way through the crowd and just disappearing into nothingness, leaving me confused and actually a bit mad as well.

Alice and Rosalie always gave me those weird, disapproving glances every time I returned from another failed mission of making contact with Edward.

"Just let it go, Bella, he doesn't want it," Alice sighted. My friends of course, weren't so happy with this new idea of mine. But I wasn't going to back down, so I shook my head at Alice's comment.

In fact, this whole running thing made me even more determined. This guy needed someone to help him to open up and dammit, I wanted to be the one helping him.

It kept me awake at nights as I was trying to figure out a way to sort of corner him without making him feel anxious, but it was as if my brain wasn't capable of helping me. I came up with nothing.

So for an entire week, I was just hoping to run into him so I could try to start a conversation, but either I didn't see him all day and when I finally, on a very rare occasion did, well, then he took off like a bat out of hell. He didn't even come to lunch anymore and that didn't ease my frustration. Not at all.

And when I for the first time I thought about giving up, the opportunity just presented itself. I had once again felt the need to take a shower after PE – damn those stupid running ball sports - leaving me the last one to leave the school building. People were still leaving the parking lot when I arrived but most of them had already left.

The whole place still made me feel bad. Every time I walked here, I was reminded of those horrible words I had yelled towards Edward.

But as I walked to my mum's car – luckily she didn't need the thing for a while as her new hobby was painting – I saw that Edward's car was still in the far end of the lot, in his usual spot but he was nowhere to be seen. _Weird._

Just as I was about to step into my car, he came out of the school building, head bowed down and hands in his pockets.

Without giving it a second thought, I quickly made my way towards him, hoping that now there wasn't any audience he would at least want to talk to me.

But no.

The minute he saw me, he almost ran towards his car, trying to escape once again. I was only a few feet behind him and completely frustrated by this all.

"God, Edward, will you please stop running away from me!" I yelled, getting desperate. My sudden outburst made him slow down as if on cue. I passed him and stopped right in front of him, forcing him to halt as well.

"I know what I did was horrible, I know, okay! I know I hurt you and I feel really fucking bad about it, but you won't even give me a chance to make it up to you," I said, my eyes slowly filling with tears. _Oh great, now I was going to lose it as well. What was wrong with me?_

"You d-d-d-d-on't have t-t-t-o," he stuttered, obviously once again very uncomfortable with the whole situation.

"Yes, I do," I said determined, out of reflex extending my hand to touch his arm but quickly retreating as I remembered the last time I had tried to reach out to him.

He shook his head ferociously and his eyes screamed at me to just leave him alone. That would of course be the easy way out. But I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't accept the fact that he wouldn't talk to me. This was bothering me far too much and I didn't even know why.

"I won't let this go," I stated, crossing my arms in front of me to give my words more strength.

His eyes were almost pleading with me now, pleading to give him what he really wanted; being left alone. But I wouldn't have that. That wouldn't make me feel better about all this.

"Why are you always pushing people away?" I asked,,. "Why are you pushing me away? I'm just trying to be nice here! Can't you see that I'm trying to be your friend?"

Confusion spread over his face before he once again shook his head. I waited for him to answer me, but once again he remained silent, frustrating me even more. I know he had a stutter, but that didn't bother me. It made him who he was. It bothered me far more that he just wouldn't attempt to have a decent conversation with me, to voice his thoughts so I knew how to approach him.

"I'm serious," I said, trying to look him in the eyes again so he could see that I indeed meant it.

"It's-s-s-s bett-er thi-i-i-is way," he mumbled, trying to walk past me but this time I didn't let him. No more escaping.

"How can you even think that?" I almost yelled at him, causing him to flinch. _Great Bella, yell some more, that will do the trick!_

"Be-because y-y-y-you can-n-n-n't trust any-y-yone," he whispered, his eyes cast down towards the floor.

"You don't trust me," I stated, deciphering his words. I tried to ignore the pang of guilt that shot through me that moment. Guilt and maybe pain as well. It was weird, but I had never wanted to befriend anyone more than I wanted to befriend Edward now. It wasn't even about the whole 'making-up'-thing anymore, I just wanted him to realize that I wasn't that bad. I wanted him to find a friend in me as well.

* * *

_A/N: You were all right ;) Of course Edward isn't going to make it easy on Bella ;)  
But we're dealing with two stubborn people here ;)_

_Thank you for reading (and reviewing ;'D)  
_

_Love for momma2fan for her help :D  
_

_Love, Ellen  
_


	9. One chance

**Chapter 8: One chance**

_Edward_

Avoiding Bella had now become one of my daily occupations after what I now referred to as 'the lunch incident'. Throughout the entire school day, I tried to hide out as much as possible. I arrived even later than usual, ate lunch in my car and avoided the teenage crowd in general.

But every time I failed and I did see her unexpectedly, I would try to escape, hoping that she wouldn't catch up on me and just let me be.

By now, it wasn't anymore about me being afraid that she would start yelling or call me out; it was just that whenever she was around me, my entire bubble of invisibility just busted open, leaving me open and vulnerable for everyone who wanted to take advantage of me.

After the stunt she pulled during lunch, I had had a hard time getting to class without people staring after me. Everyone was wondering why beautiful, popular Bella was suddenly interested in a stupid, loner like me. Well, to be honest, I was still wondering exactly the same thing. Why couldn't she just leave me alone?

But ultimately, it was the look Mike Newton had given me that day that forced my decision to avoid her to the extremes. I didn't even allow her in my vicinity, let alone allow her to speak to me.

Yes, I was afraid of Mike Newton. Well, him and his entire entourage, which included about half of Fork's high school. _Yes, enough reasons, don't you think?_

But luck was never on my side apparently, because here I was in the parking lot – the infamous parking lot – stopped in my tracks by the one person I was trying to avoid.

If it wasn't for the fact that there was no one around us, I would have probably tried to escape once again, but I didn't have the luck to blend into the crowd this time.

She seemed so determined to make it up to me, while all I wanted was for her to leave me alone. But she wasn't giving in. She even wanted to be friends now.

Maybe _this _was her way of getting back at me. Becoming friends with me, so Newton would make my life a living hell. It would work, of that much I'm certain.

But the more I thought about it, the more I just couldn't believe that Bella of all people would do something so low. She had really seemed genuine about her apology and now the sincerity was etched all over her beautiful features. She really meant no harm.

And she really had just offered to be my friend.

This girl, who now constantly had my full attention – Yes, I hadn't forgotten about the way she looked in nothing but her underwear – and occupied about half of my thoughts wanted to be friends with _me!_

It confused me because God, I wanted to have a friend. Just for once. Someone I could trust and attempt to talk to. Someone who would make my everyday life just a little easier, and the idea of Bella being that person didn't seem too bad.

But it was as if I would be eating the forbidden fruit. It would be amazing to have a friend but who knows what would result out of it. Well, I knew, partially. First, Mike Newton would definitely kill me for hanging out with his "girlfriend", secondly, no more invisibility and last but not least, I don't think I could handle it if I put trust in Bella just to see it shattered.

I wanted to trust her, I really did, but somewhere in the back of my mind there was this little voice, screaming at me not to.

But when she finally voiced that the trust was being the one thing to hold me back, it stung. She seemed really sad about it and it only confused me more.

"You can trust me, Edward," she said, her eyes boring into mine so passionately it made my heart speed up. Could I? Could I trust someone who had less than a week ago insulted me for being false and a liar?

"Please."

I closed my eyes, feeling really uncomfortable with this all. She really wanted an answer right now. And God, could I even answer this? It's like kindergarten all over again; 'will you be my friend?' and then the other kid just goes like 'Sure' or 'No, go away'. But this isn't kindergarten. This is high school and one wrong decision could lead you straight to hell.

But wasn't my high school life already pretty much like hell?

I shook my head, trying to order my thoughts and come up with something, anything to say to her. Anything.

"I do- I don't know," I choked out, because honestly, I didn't.

"Just give me one chance to prove it," she said, her eyes still pleading, making me feel extremely bad. _How did she do this? _

But even though she was making me feel bad, I needed to think rational about this. She had power to destroy me and she had had the opportunity as well, but still, she hadn't done it yet.

"W-w-w-w-why do-do you... care?"

I had to know. I had to know why all of the sudden she felt the urge to talk to me, befriend me, make up to me.

"I hate the way everyone is treating you. You don't deserve it," she stated, still holding my gaze as she spoke.

I wanted to shake my head but she noticed my attempt and halted me. "No, Edward, don't take yourself down like that!" she said forcefully, "I'm serious!"

"I'm-I'm-I'm no-o-ot a ch-ch-charity case! You do-o-o-on't need to-o-o do this!" I said, my voice finally gaining some strength.

"God, Edward, this has nothing to do with charity. It's about wanting to do something. And I want to spend more time with you because I really want to get to know you and... God, I don't even know anymore!"

She was gripping her hair out of frustration by now and dammit, it confused me even more at the same time.

"I just don't know what's going on, okay?" she continued, still looking pretty frustrated with herself. "But I just can't seem to let this go. I feel like I _need_ to get closer to you and need to be your friend or whatever!"

Okay, this was getting beyond confusing and weird.

"So can you please just give me one chance? Maybe it'll just be completely awkward and weird and then we can just move on, but now I just can't seem to walk away from it without trying."

One chance, one day.

Could I do that? Could I give her one day?

Well, what was one day in my miserable life anyway? I knew she'd just end up walking away from me after that one day, so why wouldn't I just give her that one day to soothe her nerves?

"O-one," I stated, already hoping I wasn't going to regret this. This one chance I was giving her could ruin everything. It could hurt me, humiliate me and probably even destroy me if this was all a set-up, but by this time I was already starting to trust her. Just the fact that she could have already taken me down if she wanted to, made me make my final decision.

And the smile that spread over her beautiful face made me realize that maybe this wasn't such a bad thing after all.

* * *

_A/N: Well well well, interesting, isn't it? :D Let's hope Bella won't ruin her one chance ;) _

_Thank you for all the support!  
_

_momma2fan is the best! :D  
_

_**Next update: **7th or 8th ;)  
_

_Love, Ellen  
_


	10. Beginnings

****_Sorry for the few hours delay, I was at a party so there was no way I could upload it ;)_

* * *

**Chapter 9: Beginnings**

_Bella__._

A week has passed since the kind of awkward encounter between Edward and me in the parking lot and well, I thought there would be some dramatic changes now, but of course, once again, I had been wrong.

Edward still didn't talk to me, but at least it wasn't because he was avoiding me, which was a huge step in the right direction and I couldn't help feeling ecstatic about it.

I wanted to talk to him though, but everything I tried, there was no time. We both had to rush to class and after school we never seemed to cross paths.

By now I was starting to feel agitated. I really just wanted to talk to him. It wasn't just wanting anymore actually; it was like a carnal need. And it confused me. He confused me.

So when I saw him sitting alone at lunch again, I decided to go in full friend mode and ignored the little voice inside my head that told me that he wouldn't like this.

I made a quick stop at my usual table to tell Alice and Rose that I wouldn't be joining them this time. They both rolled their eyes at me the exact same time, but I didn't stay to hear their disapproval once again. This was actually none of their concern.

"Hey," I said casually as I arrived at his table. Edward looked up, obviously a bit surprised to see me talking to him now. I had never approached him before during lunch because I knew how much he hated being stared at and that was exactly what I was causing again. _Way to go, Bella!_

"Can I sit with you?" I asked, trying to ignore the stares and trying to control my temper. I was so close to actually yelling at them to mind their own business once again.

Edward nodded slowly after he had scanned the room quickly. He still seemed to be feeling awkward about this all but I was happy that he had at least allowed me to sit with him. His eyes never left me as I let myself fall into one of the chairs opposite to the one he was occupying.

"So, how's life?" I shrugged nonchalantly, hoping to get some information out of him or at least to start a conversation.

He shrugged, not really giving me an answer but I guess we weren't at that stage yet where he would talk about everything going on in his life. And I didn't expect him to.

Yet.

I think.

"Have you already finished the homework Mr Banner assigned us?" I asked after a while, trying another way of approaching him. He seemed like a serious student and I guess schoolwork was a safe topic to discuss.

He shook his head and just when I thought it was impossible to get a word out of him, he spoke.

"Ha-a-a-aven't-t got t-t-the time yet."

"Yeah, me neither," I said, smiling widely because he had actually said something to me. I was starting to feel like such a teenage girl, happy because a guy talked to her. _God, what was happening to me?_

And then I suddenly got the most amazing idea, if I say so myself.

"Hey, we could do it together after school?" I suggested, hoping he'd agree to it. It was a perfect plan. He had let me talk to him when we were alone in the parking lot so maybe I would get him to open up to me when we were alone once again, without a hundred pair of eyes on us.

I could literally see him thinking about it, considering every pro and con about my proposition while I was slowly dying waiting for his answer.

"I-I-I-I d-don't know," he uttered, looking rather confused.

"You could come over to my place," I said, hoping that he'd cave in, but apparently that wasn't the way to get him to because now he was ferociously shaking his head. _Not at my place then, okay!_

"Your place?" I asked, hoping not to intrude, but not wanting to let the opportunity get lost.

"I'll never be able to do it all on my own," I added with a sad look when I saw he was pondering over this too much.

"O-o-okay," he finally said, causing me to almost squeal in my chair. _Yes, squeal!_

"So, I'll meet you there after school?" I asked, feeling pretty giddy about the vision of spending more time with him. _What was going on with me?_

He nodded in affirmation and after that I couldn't stop smiling for the rest of our lunch time. I didn't even care that I couldn't get another word out of him anymore because now I knew I'd have more time tonight. And maybe I'd finally be able to get some homework done as well.

When lunch was over, I reluctantly got up and walked back to Alice and Rosalie who obviously still weren't too happy about this entire thing since they were shaking their heads at me.

I didn't say a thing about it, and neither did they, fortunately. They had already learned that this time I wasn't going to elaborate on everything.

I spent the rest of the day trying to find a way to make Edward more comfortable around me tonight, instead of paying attention to the teachers in front of the class who were once again so full of themselves. _Bigheaded much?_

When I finally got in my car after those hours of torture, I pulled out my cell phone and quickly texted my mom to let her know that I would be doing homework with 'a friend'. She would get more specifics of this all once I was back home, but right now I wasn't ready yet for the 'Why are you doing homework with Edward Cullen-inquisition' so I decided to let her broad brood on this and maybe offer her an explanation tonight. I put my cell back in my backpack and reversed out of the parking lot, unable to wipe the silly grin from my face.

Edward lived a little out of town, one of the last houses before the woods were the only thing on the side of the road. I already knew Edward - or well, his mother - was fairly rich because they lived in one of the most luxurious houses of Forks. It was a three story house, completely made of a wood and glass, very open and bright but with just enough privacy. The house didn't fit in with the rest of Fork's neighbourhood but as hard as it may sound, neither did Edward or his mother. They were both isolated from everyone else in town but no one seemed to care.

As I pulled up in front of the house I kind of wondered why people like them would come to live in Forks. They could probably afford living in the city or at least, if they liked the green environment, somewhere with a better climate.

But then again, I was glad they didn't. I was glad they lived here, in Forks, because I had never been as intrigued about someone as I was about Edward right this very moment.

* * *

_A/N: Tum tum tuuuuuuuuum :D Well, that's some progress, right? :D _

_Thank you for the support etc ;) I love you :D  
_

_And I still love momma2fan! She's amazing :D  
_

_**Next update: **July 10th ;)  
_

_Love, Ellen  
_


	11. Smile

_I'd like to dedicate this chapter to the Twihard who died today after being hit by a car at the Comic Con queu. Our prayers are with her family and friends. She will be missed in this family! _

* * *

**Chapter 10: Smile**

_Bella._**  
**

A little nervous, but yet very giddy, I rang the doorbell at the front door of the Cullen's and waited awkwardly for someone to open the door.

Luckily after a few seconds, Edward was the one to do so – I wasn't quite ready to meet his mom yet I think - and after offering me a small smile, he quickly led me inside the huge marble hallway. My eyes immediately scanned the room, admiring the antique furniture and light colors that dominated the place. It was beautiful but it all felt so cold and distant to me. A house, but not a home, in my opinion, but nonetheless very artistic.

"Wow, this place is extraordinary!" I blurted out.

"M-m-m-my mum des-s-s-signed it-t-t," he explained emotionless, looking around himself as if he was seeing it for the first time as well.

"Really? It's amazing! Is she an interior designer or something?"

In that moment, I realized I actually knew nothing about his mother. She might as well be a hundred years old and I wouldn't have known. In fact, the only thing I knew about Edward's family situation was that he lived here alone with his mother and nobody seemed to have an idea where his father was. I hoped that soon those things wouldn't be riddles anymore because I knew that I wouldn't have a decent night sleep before I had that figured out.

Edward just nodded, confirming my suspicion about his mom's job.

"She's good," I gawked, still trying to absorb everything in the room.

"W-w-w-would you li-i-i-ik-ke t-t-t-to sit out-t-t-tside?" he offered, fumbling with his shirt as he was watching me. He looked so nervous it was actually cute. I decided to just try to put him at ease by not making a big deal out of it and go with whatever he wanted.

And since it was actually nice weather outside for this time of the year and for Forks, I agreed.

I followed him outside, still taking everything in. This whole house was a damn masterpiece.,

And even the yard was a piece of art. It was like one of those gardens you only see around castles and palaces, just a whole lot smaller but still full of colorful flowers and bushes in the most amazing shapes. I felt like I had left Forks and stepped into a whole other world.

They even had a pool, for Christ's sake!

I couldn't control my laughter as I noticed it, because this was Forks! We get approximately fifty sunny days and half of those days aren't even warm enough to come outside in just a T-shirt, let alone do some laps in a bathing suit.

"My-y-y-y mom-m-m-m wanted-d-d-d one. F-f-f-fits with t-t-the garden," Edward explained, snickering himself when he noticed I was laughing at their pool.

"Maybe when it's warm enough outside one day, I could challenge you to a race," I laughed, following him to the wooden set of teak furniture that occupied half of the terrace. His books were already all over the table so he quickly made some room for me.

I quickly took my biology books and everything else I needed out of my backpack and took place in front of Edward, who had already taken a seat. It wasn't lost on me that he had ignored my previous comment and I still hadn't decided it that was a good or bad thing.

"God, I don't even get the first question," I huffed after I had read it on the assignment paper a few times. Edward turned the page towards him, reading it as well.

"Oh, it-t-t-t's e-e-e-easy," he said, already leafing through his course book, probably trying to find the right page. When he did, he turned it towards me and tried to explain what Mr Banner wanted from us. He stuttered all through the explanation, but I didn't care. No one had ever explained anything this clearly and I was close to asking him if we could do homework together every evening. _Don't run when you can't walk, Bella! _

When he was done, I instantly got to work, feeling pretty pumped at first because I finally knew what to do, but after a half an hour of scribbling down some meaningless words, I gave up on the whole thing. Even though I understood everything now, I couldn't concentrate. At all. And there was no doubt about it that a certain boy sitting in front of me had everything to do with that.

"Okay, enough homework for today," I stated, closing the book that had been in front of me at the same page for well over fifteen minutes now.

Edward looked up from his copy, seeming to have been really concentrating on what he had been reading, as opposed to me. He gave me a confused look before slowly closing his textbook as well and crossing his arms in front of him.

"Can I ask you a few questions?" I blurted out.

"C-c-c-can I a-a-a-ask some i-i-i-in return-n?" he asked, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Seems only fair," I laughed. He nodded in agreement and seemed to be waiting for me to ask my first question.

At first I wanted to just ask him everything I wanted to know, about his parents, about him, but then I realized that I didn't want to ruin the quite light atmosphere we had going on between us now so I went for a totally random question.

"Favorite color?"

He cocked an eyebrow at me, obviously not expecting this type of question from me, especially now that I had been given the chance to ask any type of question I wanted.

"Br-brown," he said quickly, causing _me_ to cock an eyebrow this time. I don't think I had ever met anyone who had brown as his favorite color. But then again, I had never really met anymore like Edward as well.

Y-y-y-yours?" he asked, very focused on pronouncing his words.

"That'd be navy blue," I said, pointing at the blue shirt I was wearing. Not that I wore blue every day of course. It was just coincidental.

"Morning or evening person?" I asked, deciding to stick with the harmless questions.

"E-ev-v-vening, def-f-fe-nitly e-ev-vening," he replied, scrunching his nose and causing me to laugh.

We continued to go back and forth with silly questions but actually I liked it. I was trying to store as much information as I could, so I could try and find connections and double meanings behind it later.

"F-f-f-favor-r-rite mo-o-ovie," he asked after a while, trying really hard to utter the words. It made me feel proud that he was trying so hard because it was easy to see that he was struggling.

"Oh, difficult one," I said, already trying to remember all of the movies I've once referred to as my favorite ones. Every time I thought I had one and wanted to say it, an even better one popped in my head, leaving me gapping like a fish. Edward was softly snickering by now, causing me to huff and just give up thinking about it.

"I don't know," I laughed in exasperation, throwing my hands in the air for some extra drama. "I guess I'm undecided about that one."

His lips curled into a smile that lit up his entire face, making his green eyes sparkle even more. Actually, he was a very handsome guy, but he just hid it from everyone by hiding himself. Pity.

"You should do that more often," I smiled. He shot me a weird glance obviously not getting what I was referring to.

"The smile," I clarified with a very girlish giggle, "I've never seen you smile like that before. It looks good on you."

And as if on cue, his smile grew even wider and more breathtakingly beautiful.

* * *

_A/N: I can't even be happy about his lighter chapter now. I hope you are, though :)_

_Still love you and momma2fan ;)  
_

_**Next update: **12th or 13th  
_

_Love, Ellen  
_


	12. Deal

_A/N: A lot of people have asked me about Edward's "make-over", and I must say that it's not soon. Right now, Edward is just getting used to Bella, so it would bequite weird if he would already change his whole look, or let someone else do it ;) Be patient, guys ;)  
Oh and I get a lot of questions in anonymous reviews, which make me go crazy because I can't answer them that way! Please, if you want an answer add your Twitter of tumblr or whatever so I can give you a reply.  
_

_That's all ;)  
_

* * *

**Chapter 11: Deal**

_Edward._

She liked my smile. She said it looked good on me. A girl – a beautiful girl - actually said something looked good on me. That must have been a first. And damn, if I didn't like it.

I was still grinning from ear to ear just remembering her compliment.

Being Bella's friend was actually much nicer than I had expected it to be. And it had lasted more than a day, much to my surprise.

Well, the first few days had actually been days where we hadn't spoken and at that moment, I had been completely fine with that. But apparently, she had decided that it was time for some bonding later that week when she joined me for lunch. To be honest, it made me feel uncomfortable and awkward. I still didn't know what she wanted out of this and I still couldn't deal with the stares everyone was giving me now. Luckily Mike and his crew were nowhere to be seen that day, so I had just let her sit with me.

It still was awkward though.

But when she came over to my place later that day, I felt pretty comfortable around her, and distracted.

I had tried to focus on my textbook but I found myself reading the same sentences over and over again, like my brain was unable to register a single word that was written down. Every time Bella had moved a little, I would notice it out of the corner of my eye.

I guess I was just expecting her to get up and run away from me at any moment because even though I was more relaxed now – well, apart from the constant nervousness about being around this pretty girl -, I was probably utterly boring.

And when she suddenly closed her book, that's exactly what I thought she was going to do, run away and just give up on "us".

But no.

She wanted to know things. Random things.

Stuff I hadn't even thought about before. My favorite color, for instance. I had just blurted out the first one that came to my mind and I was close to slapping myself for doing so.

Brown. Seriously, Edward? Who has brown as his favourite color? Couldn't you say something like blue or green? But no, I had to choose brown, the color of Bella's eyes.

Eyes so deep, I had to keep myself from staring at because if I did, I'd probably drown into the depths of them. And on top of that they radiated warmth and kindness and made me feel all kinds of comfortable.

Comfortable yet nervous at the same time, but a good kind of nervous. Not the kind where I was afraid and want to run away to hide, but the kind that made me want to fight something, anything, because I actually liked the feeling.

Because I actually liked her.

Or maybe I just liked not being alone for once.

She kept asking me the most ridiculous questions and I kept answering them, trying very hard not to stumble on too many syllables. I hated myself for not being able to just say everything fluently, like the words were formed in my head. No, it had to come out all shaky and stumbled, like I was some sort of retard.

But Bella never mentioned it. She never said a bad thing; she never lost her patience. She just waited for me to answer. And on top of that, she seemed to be really listening to what I was saying, like I was telling her the most important fact of all times while in fact I was just telling her about my favorite food and my character.

"W-w-w-weren't-t-t we s-s-upposed to-to do hom-m-m-ework?" I asked her after she was about to throw another question at me.

"I guess, but this is just more fun," she admitted sheepishly as she played with her pen.

"Thi-i-i-i-is w-w-w-way we'll-l-l n-n-never finish it-t-t," I chuckled softly.

"Well, I could come back tomorrow," she said, looking at me with those eyes that made me want to agree to everything she said. She had given me the exact same look the first time she had asked me. Like she was almost begging me to say yes.

First, I hadn't wanted to agree. I didn't want her anywhere near the only place in the world I felt safe, because even though she seemed genuine, I still didn't trust her.

It was like a tiny part of my brain was still screaming at me that she was going to ruin me for the accident that had led to this all.

But then she gave me those looks. Looks that screamed that she wanted to get to know me, looks that screamed that she wanted to be friends, looks that screamed that she didn't mean any harm.

But still, I couldn't trust her, even though I really wished I could. _Confusing, I know._

"Edward?" Bella said, snapping my out of my train of thought and reminding me that she was actually still waiting for an answer.

"I-I-I d-d-d-don't know," I admitted. Her face fell immediately, the beautiful smile from earlier, when we were discussing her favorite movie, completely gone.

"Oh," she said, fumbling with the textbook that was still in front of her.

_Okay, now I was feeling bad again._

"M-m-m-m-maybe w-w-w-we can m-m-m-ake a deal?" I asked, an amazing idea popping in my head all of the sudden.

The reason why I was kind of reluctant to her getting closer was that I didn't want people to know about 'this'- whatever this may be. They – well, Mike mostly – would probably ruin my life if they saw me with her again.

Bella's eyes shot back at mine, a hopeful look shining in them, making me more convinced about my proposal.

"Y-y-y-y-you c-c-can come tom-m-m-orrow, b-b-b-ut p-p-please don't t-t-talk t-t-to me at school a-again," I told her.

"Why not at school?" she asked, already a bit happier than before though.

"P-p-please." I didn't want to give her specifics. I didn't want to tell her about the angry glare Mike had given me, because for all I knew that would only lead to her calling him out and me being in an even worse position.

"Don't I get to compromise?" she asked.

I shook my head, trying to show her that it was a take-it-or-leave-it proposition.

"Well, I guess it's better than nothing," she said, a smile brightening up her face again. It wasn't as radiant as the one before, but it was enough to make me smile in return.

Suddenly she reached out her hand over the table, causing me to frown at her somewhat odd behaviour.

"We have to shake hands to seal the deal," she smirked, leaving her hand floating above the table, waiting for mine to meet her halfway.

For a moment I just stared at it, like some retarded idiot, trying to figure out what I was about to do.

_What this some sort of friendship commitment? Would this mean that she wasn't going to hurt me in any way possible? _

Eventually I slowly extended my hand, feeling pretty fucking nervous about just shaking a girl's hand. God, I don't even think I've ever touched a girl intentionally. _Yes, this is a big fucking deal for me, okay?_

Her fingers curled around my hand as I lightly did the same. The warmth of her small hand sent a warm glow through my entire body, so I couldn't stop myself from smiling.

"Well, Edward, we have a deal!" she announced, a huge smile on her face again as she shook my hand kind of awkwardly.

_We had a deal._

* * *

___A/N: Yay!  
_

_Thank you all for reading and all of the reviews I get. I appreciate it so much and I love to hear your thoughts on every chapter and situation. It facinates me to see how you guys think this story is going to develop :D  
_

_All my love for momma2fan  
_

_**Next update: **15th or 16th :)  
_

_Love, Ellen  
_


	13. Continuation

**Chapter 12: Continuation**

_Bella_

We had a deal. Edward Cullen and I had made a deal. _Holy shit!_

Not that I was 100% supportive of every part of our agreement, but nonetheless, it was something! And with Edward, it was in fact a big fucking deal.

To get this straight, let's just say that I liked the part where he had allowed me to come over again, because that meant that I had more time with him, but that I loathed the part where I wasn't supposed to say anything to him anymore at school.

Mostly because I didn't understand why.

Did he really like being alone on school grounds? Did he actually like having lunch all by himself? Or was he ashamed of me? Ashamed of being seen with me?

I had wanted to ask him why, but it seemed to be something he didn't want to argue about so I decided to take whatever I could and just go with it. And in the meantime, I'd try to find out why he wanted to keep "us" hidden from the public eye. My list of things I needed to find out was growing each minute and it did nothing to ease my nerves.

In fact, I don't think I have thought of anything else besides Edward since I left his house yesterday. The whole mystery that he had around him was slowly driving me crazy and I couldn't stop thinking about what he had hidden behind the facade he had up around everyone.

Hoping to clear some of my ever present questions, I rang the doorbell the next day, hoping he would answer the door quicker than yesterday because it was again one of those days in Forks where you could drown in the gutter because of all the rainfall. _Oh the joys of living in the wettest place in Washington, and probably even the world. _

"Why is it wonderful outside one day and just horrible the other day," I complained as I pulled off my now soaking wet coat once Edward had let me in.

"F-f-f-orks," he explained with a chuckle while hanging my coat up to dry. I followed him into the large living room, discovering that it was pretty similar to the hallway he had led me through yesterday, the colors and style that is. There was a large, U-shaped crème colored leather couch in the middle of the spacious room that could probably seat ten people and in front of it was the largest television I had ever seen in my life. It was massive. And by saying "massive" I was still insulting the damn thing.

Next to it was a huge fireplace, but it just seemed so cold, like it had never been used before and was just some piece of decoration in the room like that big painting that adorned the opposite wall. It didn't radiate warmth and cosiness like you'd expect a fireplace to do. It was just there.

"So, with the whole rain situation going on outside... where are we going to sit now?" I asked nonchalant. Edward instantly led me to the giant – yes, giant – wooden table that occupied about the rest of the living room. I couldn't help but feel disappointed as he took his seat in one of the seemingly expensive chairs. I had kind of hoped to end up in his room now the weather had taken a turn, but apparently we just weren't at that stage yet. Too bad, because I had a feeling that his room would tell me a lot more about who he really was than he would ever tell me himself.

"Isn't your mom home?" I asked, hoping that the realisation of his mom hanging around would still send us to his room. A girl can try, can't she?

But unfortunately he shook his head.

"Is she ever home?" I wondered aloud, remembering that she hadn't been around yesterday as well.

"Sh-sh-she's at-t-t s-s-s-some sort of conv-v-v-ention," he explained, obviously not really caring about his mom's whereabouts. _Weird. _

"Oh," I said, not really knowing how to proceed with this conversation. I quickly took out my biology book, not looking forward to finish this goddamned task. I'd rather spend my time here trying to figure out stuff about the mysterious Edward Cullen.

But Edward had already pulled out his book as well and was already scribbling stuff on his piece of paper. His hand was flying over the paper, writing faster than I'd ever seen anyone write. It was as if he didn't even have to think about it. At one point I literally had to blink a few times to process the whole scene in front of me.

"How did you solve that so fast?" I asked, stunned. I never knew he was such a brilliant student. I mean, he wasn't known to be stupid, but he wasn't exactly what you call a nerd, even though he kind of looked like one. _A cute nerd, though._

The minute he realized I was looking, he slowed down, his cheeks flushing a little as he looked up at me.

"I h-h-had already f-f-f-figured it ou-out y-y-y-yesterday," he told me with a nonchalant shrug, "J-j-j-just di-i-i-dn't w-w-w-rite it down."

"Oh," I said once again, still wondering how he managed it because it seemed like a weird excuse to me. I mean, if _I_ would have figured out the solution yesterday, I would have definitely forgotten how to solve it by the next day. But of course, that would be me, so I just decided to drop it and try to solve the exercises myself.

For a moment I was actually successfully making my way through them, with the occasional biting on the end of my pencil because I ended up with a totally unbelievable solution, but then I hit the last exercise and I just couldn't seem to figure out how to start it.

Instead of writing down stuff or trying to think about a solution, I was once again looking around the immense house. Every time I would look around the place I would see something I hadn't seen yet. Either it was a painting, a little piece of art or just a piece of furniture that I hadn't noticed yet.

I was once again letting my eyes linger over the walls with some marvellous paintings when Edward caught me. I instantly dropped my gaze and tried to focus on my homework again. I could already feel the blush spreading across my cheeks. I don't know why, but I just had a feeling he had caught me snooping around their house, like I was doing something I shouldn't have been doing.

"W-w-w-would y-y-you like to-to t-t-take a l-look around?" he asked nervously, surprising me by suggesting it.

I looked up from my book again – not that I was actually reading anything- and my eyes instantly linked with his. I didn't hesitate for a second and nodded my head, hoping that this tour would also include a visit to his room.

* * *

_A/N: Pum pum pum_

_Thank you for all your support and that you're still with me here  
_

_Still, all my love for momma2fan  
_

_**Update: **18th or 19th (I'm running out of chapters, haven't had much time to write recently, sorry!)  
_

_Love, Ellen  
_


	14. Broken strings

**Chapter 13: Broken strings**

_Edward_

I wasn't really thinking when I had offered Bella a tour of the house. Who am I even kidding? I wasn't thinking at all. I guess I had just blurted it out because she seemed curious and interested about the house and I wanted to please her. I don't know.

But since she had already agreed, there was no way back now. _Great__Edward, great. _

Of course, there was no way I would lead her up to the second floor. That was still off-limits. There was too much _me_ up there. Parts of me that I wasn't ready to give her. I figured there was already enough to see downstairs.

We both got up, kind of awkwardly, and I started by leading her to the kitchen. It was a big, modern kitchen, with an island in the middle of the room and metallic colored cupboards above the marble kitchen counter. In fact, the extravagance of the whole room was a waste because my mom was sort of a horrible cook so she never ended up making a dish that couldn't be made in a tiny standard kitchen. But I guess a small kitchen would have looked weird in our house, so I decided not to comment on it.

Bella was still looking around, obviously taking in everything she could, her jaw dropping from time to time when she noticed certain things. It was quite amusing to watch her.

Next I led her to the library, one of my favourite places in the house – after my room of course. It was exactly like one of those libraries you see in the movies. High dark brown shelves, stocked with books and a dark leather couch in the middle of the room.

Bella's eyes were brimming with excitement as they were screening the room. She walked closer to the shelves, her gaze and finger lingering over the numerous titles that were stocked there.

"Do you play?" she asked suddenly, pointing toward the black piano in the corner of the room after she had torn her eyes away from the books.

I shook my head. "M-m-my mom," I explained. Well, she played, but to be honest, she kind of sucked at it. She would love to play the piano like a pro though, but she just doesn't have the talent to do it. She just ended up pressing random keys, hoping that she would end up with some sort of melody that had a nice ring to it. It never did.

"Oh," she replied, obviously disappointed.

"I d-d-d-do p-p-p-play th-the guitar," I added instantly, not really knowing why I said it. Maybe because I wanted that disappointed look gone from her face, I don't know.

"You do?" _Bingo, excitement is back!_

I nodded shyly.

"Can I hear you play?" she asked with a huge smile on her face, almost bouncing on her feet.

Her enthusiasm made me want to run upstairs, get my guitar and play all day long, but the rational side of me was suppressing that urge. I wasn't _that _good. I mean, yes, I played a bit, but I wasn't a real musician. And on top of that, my music was something personal; it was like my own diary. The tunes I played mostly reflected my mood or just my general feelings. _Could I share that with her? _

"Please," she added when she noticed my hesitation.

With a sigh I caved in, already heading towards the door of the library. "W-w-w-wait here," I told her.

"Where are you going?" she asked confused.

"I-i-i-it's up-p-pstairs," I explained.

Happy that she didn't make an attempt to follow me, I quickly ran up the stairs that led to my room. My guitar was in the corner of my room, where it was at all times when I wasn't playing.

I was still pondering over this though. I liked to play and I was actually eager to hear someone's opinion about the music I write, but then again, it would be exposing myself and I didn't know if I was ready for that just yet.

I went back downstairs, my thoughts racing at a hundred miles an hour, in all different directions, colliding and kind of giving me a headache.

But when I stepped into the library again and saw Bella curled up on the leather couch, her feet neatly tucked under her legs, something just made me decide that I could trust her.

And that realization made me stop dead in my tracks. I trusted her...

I really did.

I mean, I must, right? I had already allowed her in my house and now I was even considering playing my songs for her. I would have never considered showing this part of me to anyone, but yet, now I was close to just showing her that part of me.

"Edward?" Bella's voice sounded slightly worried. I must have been looking like a total weirdo, just standing there, staring off into nothingness.

I shook myself out of my thoughts and decided to just go with what felt right at the moment and I smiled at the fact that the right thing seemed playing.

I really did trust her.

With a soft smile tugging on my lips, I took place at the other side of the couch and placed the guitar on my knee, my fingers already on the strings. Bella was smiling at me, watching intently with an expectant look on her face that made me more nervous than I had ever been before.

A good kind of nervous though.

Not the kind of nervous I was when I was walking through the school hallways because that was a scared kind of nervous. This was more like an exciting kind of nervous.

"W-w-w-what sh-should I play?" I asked, suddenly realizing that I had no idea what to play her whatsoever. Maybe she wanted to hear one special song or tune...

"Whatever you feel like playing," she said, leaving me once again with nothing to go by.

_Whatever I feel like playing..._

I closed my eyes and tried to remember any of the last songs I had written, but it was as if my mind had gone blank.

My fingers were frozen on the strings, waiting for my brain to give them some instructions, but nothing seemed to come. I don't know how long I sat there, motionless, waiting for something, anything to come back to me.

For a moment I thought Bella would become impatient, wondering what was wrong with me, but she never did. She was just waiting, giving me time to find the notes and tune I was looking for.

I didn't even know what I was looking for.

Absentmindedly I started pulling some strings, hoping that that would trigger my mind and before I knew it, I was playing. My fingers were gliding over the guitar, producing a sad, moving tune that I knew all too well. I had played it so many times I could play it blindly, which was probably the reason that I ended up playing this song.

It was one of the first songs I'd written, about ten years ago. I had just discovered that music, playing the guitar in particular, was a way out my feelings without needing to speak up. It comforted me in a way I had never been comforted before. It had been my way of talking, my way of lifting part of the burden without really needing to confide in people. But now, I wanted to let someone in. I wanted to share this part of me with Bella even though she would probably never realize I did.

This could be just a tune to her, just a few random notes played after one another.

As I ended the melody, playing the last notes softly, I swear I had just seen her wipe away a tear from her cheek. And it stung. I literally felt a shot of pain in my chest, right at the place where my heart was. I didn't want to see her sad. Her smile was way too lovely to be hidden behind tears.

I offered her a sad smile, kind of apologizing for the heavy mood I had put on us with the haunting song.

"Is this how you feel?" she whispered hoarsely, "I mean, does this represent you?"

I nearly gasped at her alertness. How did she know so easily? How did she know that I had just given her a piece of myself? I mean, I might have wanted her to figure it out, but I thought I would have to give her some more than just the tune. I had clearly underestimated her. I bet nobody else would have seen through it, they would just see it as a sad song, like there are so many out there, but she, she instantly knew there was more behind it than just a melody.

I nodded softly in confirmation, suddenly feeling so vulnerable even though she still knew nothing.

"What happened?" she asked, her voice still barely audible.

She didn't need to elaborate on what she was referring to, I already knew.

And suddenly, I felt ready to really talk about it. I felt like I was ready to share a part of me with her that I hadn't shared with anyone else before.

* * *

_A/N: Edward is opening up to Bella. Yay! Get ready for his story ;) What do you think happened? _

_I still love you all for sticking with me and leaving a review! You guys are the best!_

_Momma2fan is the best!_

_**Update: **__July 21 or 22th _

_Love, Ellen_


	15. Revelations

**Chapter 14: Revelations**

_Bella_

I was staring intently at Edward, waiting for any movement or sound to break the silence that had now been thrown upon us. He was holding his guitar close, his fingers brushing the strings softly, but so far he hadn't played a single note.

It made me realize that he wasn't going to play just any song, because if that were the case he would have already started playing. Instead he was sitting there, his eyes closed, seemingly lost in his thoughts and surrounded by silence.

And I, I was anxiously waiting for him to play his song, because I already knew it was going to tell me more about him. Well, not that I'm one of those people that can find an entire story after a few notes, but the tone would already give me a lot, I assumed.

And then he started playing this sad, haunting tune, his eyes still closed but I could see a pain etch over his features. Like I said, not just any song.

He never opened his eyes throughout the entire performance and I could literally feel the sadness radiating from his body. I was fighting the tears as his fingers were gliding over the strings of the guitar. For a moment his pain became my pain as well and I couldn't imagine for the life of me, how much harder it was for him to be burdened by this feeling every single day.

When he finished his song, I quickly wiped away a tear that had fallen over the edge, hoping that he wouldn't notice. He offered me a sad smile in return, obviously trying to shrug off the seriousness of it all. He didn't fool me.

"Is this how you feel? I mean, does this represent you?" I asked needing it confirmed even though I was pretty sure he had just shown me a little piece of himself.

When he nodded, I couldn't help myself from asking what had happened for him to write such a sad song. I didn't really think about the fact that I was maybe crossing a line by asking, but it just slipped out.

Honestly, I hadn't really expected him to answer me. I had expected him to just shrug it off and give me some half ass explanation because he was not ready to let me in and I would have understood and accepted it but instead of that all, he started talking.

"I-I-I-I w-w-wrote it-t-t s-seven y-years ago," he started, his eyes focused on the guitar as if he were talking to the object instead of to me. "I disc-c-cover-red m-m-music helped me t-t-to give e-e-everything a p-place."

"What exactly?" I whispered scared that this question would again be crossing the imaginary line that we had drawn between us two, but I was too curious not to ask.

For what seemed like an eternity, we were both quiet. No words were spoken, no movements were made. We were just staring at each other and when I was about to tell him to let it go, he spoke up. His voice was no louder than a whisper, his eyes fixed on his hands that were on top of his guitar that now lay flat in his lap. "W-w-when I w-w-was n-nine, m-m-my dad and I u-u-used to be v-very close. W-w-we did everything together," he started and I could already feel my chest constrict at that very moment, because I knew this wasn't going to be one of those 'happily ever after-stories'.

"S-s-so w-w-when I had m-m-my first imp-portant football m-m-match, he w-w-was on the f-f-first row ch-cheering m-me on."

He looked up briefly and I could see a hint of a smile form on his lips at the memory of that moment before he continued. "Ou-ou-our team w-won of course and m-m-my dad took m-m-me downtown f-for an ic-ce cream t-t-o celebrate. W-w-we w-were laughing c-constantly and s-singing along w-with t-the stupid s-s-song on the radio, l-l-like s-some big cliché."

For a moment, I was trying to picture the eight year old boy, glowing because of his first victory, alongside his proud father in the car, singing along to some cheesy old song and I couldn't help but smile at the image.

But my smile faltered quickly when he continued his story.

"W-w-when w-we were on the m-m-main road, h-he w-w-was distracted f-for just o-one second, one second," he said, his voice more forceful yet sounding so broken at the same time that I could already feel a lump forming in my throat. "W-we b-both hadn't seen that the truck in f-f-front of-f us w-w-was starting to swerve."

Edward dropped his head in his hands in defeat and I had to physically refrain myself not to climb to his side of the couch to comfort him. If it weren't for the fact that last time I tried to touch him, he tore away his hand so quickly, I probably would have. Now I just didn't know what I could and couldn't do.

"Ap-p-pparently the driver had f-f-fallen asleep b-b-behind the wheel," he continued unexpectedly, "H-he ended up b-b-locking t-the entire road and t-there w-was no w-way my dad c-could avoid a collision." By now I was biting my lip to keep myself from crying because I didn't need to hear the rest of the story to know what happened. Everything made more sense now. Why his father wasn't around and why he was who he was and hated myself even more for all the harsh comments I had shouted at him only two weeks ago.

"I rem-m-member my dad p-pulling the wheel, t-t-trying to avoid t-the truck, b-b-but it was already t-t-too late. W-w-we crashed i-into the v-v-vehicle and t-t-that's all I rem-member."

"Edward," I gasped, not being able to keep a sob from erupting. I instantly clutched my hand in front of my mouth, feeling the wetness on my cheeks as I touched my face.

His hands were still in front of his face, but I could see his shoulders heave. I don't think I've ever felt more helpless than at that exact moment. And I never wanted to hold anymore more as well. Just for a moment I wanted to envelop him in a hug, to make the aching subside and even try to make the pain go away.

He looked up for a moment, his eyes a little puffy and red and once again my chest constricted at the sight of it.

"I-I-I-I w-was in a coma f-for t-three days," he told me, once again surprising me by continuing his story. I was so proud of him for opening up, telling me even more than I would even thought he would be willing to share with someone who was practically a stranger.

"T-the first person I asked f-for w-when I w-woke up, w-was my f-father, but..." He dropped his head back into his hands, a heavy sob vibrating through the big room.

It broke my heart, crushed it into a thousand fucking pieces.

I just couldn't stop myself anymore from scooting over when I noticed his body was softly shaking as he cried into the palms of his hands. I kept a decent space between us, trying not to freak him out too much and placed my hand softly on his shoulder.

His eyes immediately shot towards mine and I found myself praying that he wouldn't move away from my touch because I found myself needing the comfort of contact as well. He didn't. Instead he offered me a weak smile, as if he was thanking me for it.

"I-I-I closed m-m-myself off f-from everyone, I-I-I didn't w-w-want anyone n-near me as t-the person I w-w-wanted t-the m-most was n-no longer t-there. M-m-my mom s-sent me t-to several s-s-shrinks b-b-but I s-s-still ref-fused t-to talk. F-for alm-most a y-year, I didn't speak t-to anyone, a-and then I d-discovered m-m-music."

His hand was caressing the wood on his guitar like it was the most precious thing in the world and maybe to him it was. Maybe it was the thing that kept him afloat. It was his saviour.

"A-and later w-w-when I d-did try to t-talk again," he continued, his eyes still trained on his beloved instrument, "I ended up w-w-with this stupid stutter."

I could hear the anger in his voice, the desperation just to be normal again. Not only had this incident deprived him of his father, now he also had to live with the fact that he couldn't have a decent conversation anymore. It didn't bother me though, but I know that a lot of people wouldn't want to talk to him because of this. And once again, I could feel my heart break.

"D-doctors kept s-saying t-that it w-was because of t-the traumatic exp-p-perience, b-but the symptoms w-weren't all t-there, s-s-so they s-still d-don't know."

"They don't know the real reason for the stammer?" I asked, surprised by the hoarseness of my voice.  
He shook his head slowly and once again a feeling of helplessness nested inside me.

"I-I-I've learned t-to live w-with it," he said, shrugging it off but I could see the pain that was just beneath the surface.

"I'm sorry," I said, feeling pretty damn stupid for saying such a random thing, but it was all I could come up with at the moment.

"D-d-don't b-be," he said, offering me a genuine smile. "T-t-thank you f-for listening."

"Thank you for telling me," I told him, the previous, sad feeling instantly replaced by a lighter, happy feeling.

"T-t-t-tell me something a-about you, n-n-nothing b-b-burdensome," he suggested, obviously wanting to steer the conversation back to the more cheerful topics. He carefully placed his guitar onto the floor before turning his body towards mine. The heavy mood was instantly lifted as I started talking about the most random things like books I was reading, movies I really wanted to watch and even all of the lame hobbies my mom was giving a try lately. He listened intently, clinging to every word I said, like he was trying to get through me. He laughed along with me and gave me those weird faces whenever I was talking about something completely ridiculous. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like I could be myself. No pretending to be totally into fashion or that typical girl stuff that didn't interest me, like when I was around Alice and Rosalie. I could be me. And I liked it. I liked that I didn't have to live up to any expectations. But most of all, I liked him, flaws and everything.

_A/N: Thank you for reading, reviewing, supporting, everything! You're the best!_

_Momma2fan is still the very best!_

_Love, Ellen_


	16. Message Received

**Chapter 15: Message received**

_Edward_

People always used to say those stupid things like that they were feeling 'lighter and freer' after they had talked to someone about their issues and I had always thought it to be total bullshit and just some trick to make people go to those gold-digging physiatrists.

But apparently, it wasn't a total myth.

Talking to Bella had really made a huge weight fall off my shoulders. Only the burden didn't really just vanish into thin air. I had a feeling that I had put that part of my baggage on her now, like she was sometimes bearing it with me now. She would once in a while throw me those pitiful looks, quickly changing back into a smile when she found out I was looking at her.

But in the end, I can't say that I regret talking to her. I had found it to be nice, that someone was actually caring about what I said. And I hadn't said that much in a very, very long time. Not since the accident, I think.

It was the first time I had talked about the whole thing with anyone. Not even my mother had heard me talk about it. _Yeah, big deal, if you'd ask me._

I'm still trying to figure out why exactly I felt comfortable enough to talk to Bella about something I had been locking up inside of my for so long, but I was left with nothing aside from the fact that I must trust her.

And that also led me to realizing I didn't really trust my own mother. But who would if all they had been doing those past years was trying to push you into medical centres or make you see all kinds of doctors to find out what was wrong with you.

Bella was different. She didn't care about what was wrong with me. She didn't try to cure me or push me into situations I didn't feel comfortable in. She just accepted me for who I was and that was what ultimately made me put my trust in her.

Trust had led to _me _inviting _her _over again the next day to finish our homework. And I was actually looking forward to it this time.

As I was walking through the crowded hallways that day, I couldn't wipe the stupid smile off my face. I didn't even care if anyone noticed, which they probably had, because I guess this would be the first time I was walking around noticeably happy.

When I turned the corner, making my way through the many obnoxious teenagers lingering there to get to class, I saw Bella walking next to her friends, chatting casually. My smile grew impossibly bigger at the sight of her. I didn't care if this whole friend thing we had going on was private, because to me it was more valuable than anything I had experienced in a long time. I actually had a friend and that meant the world to me. And keeping it private was the only way I was going to be able to keep her.

For a brief moment our eyes locked, both of us smiling at each other, sharing a private moment once again. I swear in those two seconds a bomb could have exploded right next to me and I wouldn't have noticed.

The last hour of class, I was literally counting down 'til I could go home, so when the final bell rang I was one of the first to flee the classroom and make my way to my car.

It was only after I had turned the engine on, ready to escape the damn parking lot and get home already to wait for Bella, that I realised that by being in such a hurry I had forgotten to get some books out of my locker. I took my backpack out of the backseat and fumbled with the zipper for a while before I was able to open it. I scanned the content only to realize that I, indeed, had forgotten my math book. _Well, you won't be able to do your homework without it._

With a groan I got out of my car and walked back to the school building, head still a bit bowed down because even though I might be feeling a lot better, there were still a lot of people chatting in the parking lot, people that still liked to shout insults my way every once in a while.

Once I was inside the building, I sighed in relief. At least all people were already outside, leaving me in an empty building.

Or so I thought.

I rounded the corner expecting to find an empty hallway in front of me, but instead I was met by Mike and a bunch of his friends. My head instantly bowed down again in my usual hiding style, but in a flash, I'd seen the look on his face.

Anger.

A furious dragon had nothing on the look Mike Newton wore when he noticed me.

But it was the vicious smirk that accompanied the angry look that made me cringe. I instantly halted and turned around, deciding that it would be better to miss out on some homework than to face Mike and his crew.

"Hey, Dickward!" Mike yelled, his footsteps resonating through the empty hallway as he approached me.

_This was not good. This was not good at all._

I sped up, didn't look back hoping that I would at least make it back to the parking lot before they caught up with me.

But luck wasn't on my side. _When was it ever?_

A hand grabbed the back of my jacket and pulled me back, causing me to almost trip and fall to the floor. Two of them pushed me up against the lockers and Mike came to stand in front of me, his face only inches away from mine. His cigarette breath made me nauseous.

"So, why was _my _Bella at _your_ place yesterday?" he spat, pushing me harder against the wall of lockers.

_Fuck._

This was it. Everything I'd feared. The whole reason why I was so reluctant to everything Bella had proposed me. The reason why I should have never agreed to this friendship we had sort of built up.

"Oh wait, you can't speak, can you? That's right, I'd forgotten that you were stupid," Mike sneered, a victorious smirk on his face. Every single one of his friends erupted into laughter, patting him on his back for calling me out.

But there was no one to help me, no one to have my back. I was alone, just like I had always been.

"If you dare to talk to her again, I'll make sure you wished you never even laid eyes on her, got it?" he spat, every sign of victory gone again.

I nodded ferociously, willing to agree to anything if they'd just leave me alone.

Mike gestured for the guys to let go of me, causing me to almost fall to the floor once again. I closed my eyes, willing the tears not to fall because the last thing I needed was another humiliation.

"And this is so you won't forget," Mike added before punching me in the stomach. I doubled over, feeling all of the air pushed out of my lungs. I collapsed on my knees, arms tightly around my chest in an attempt to take away the throbbing pain.

_Message received loud and clear. _

* * *

**A/N: Momma2fan is the best. Always.**

**Love, Ellen**


	17. Avoidance

_Live from Italy, the next chapter of Tongue Tied (You should all thank this hotel I'm currently staying because they have free wifi YAY) Anyway, enjoy!_

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**Chapter 16: Avoidance**

_Edward_

I had never skipped a day of school before in my entire life. Not once had I feigned illness or looked for an excuse to stay home, even though school was my personal hell. I had just learned to man up and endure the whole damn thing with the thought that it wasn't going to last forever. _Thank god!_

But today there was no way I was going to that place. I'd rather die than have to set a foot in Forks High.

I had a feeling that going to school today would be like committing suicide, in a very literal way. It would be like walking into a mine field where the mines were only inches apart from each other. It was just bound to go wrong. I could feel it in every fibber of my pathetic being.

Mike Newton would most definitely destroy me I was seen within Bella's vicinity, so I had to do whatever I could to stay away from her. To stay away from both her and Mike, actually.

So the 'avoiding Bella-plan' from last week was back in action. Only this time, it was a bit different and a lot more difficult.

Avoiding Bella was easy when she was ringing my door bell. I just didn't open the door, simple.

Avoiding Bella was easy when she tried to call my cell phone. I just didn't answer the damn thing, simple.

Avoiding Bella was easy when she tried to text me. I just ignored it, simple.

Avoiding Bella in the hallways at school... Not so simple.

In fact, I had a feeling it would be pretty impossible. Especially since I had already ignored every attempt she had made to contact me, which I had never done before since we started this 'friendship' or whatever we could call it.

And the thing that must be confusing her the most; _I_ had been the one to invite her over last night and then _I_ ended up not letting her in and ignored her calls and text messages. So yes, she was definitely going to have questions. Questions she was going to ask in school, because that would be the only place where she would be able reach me, as I was carefully blocking out every other attempt. And reaching me was something I had to avoid at all costs. Unless I had a dead wish, which –even though my life was pretty horrible – I still didn't have.

So the only solution had been to stay home, far away from the war front.

I had called my mom this morning, pretending to be ill and adding a few extra coughs throughout the conversation to make it more believable. As the perfect student I had always been, my mom immediately fell for it and even offered to come home to take care of me.

With a fake weak voice – which made me sound even more pathetic along with the stutter – I had told her not to as the conference thing she was attending would be over tomorrow anyway.

So here I was, spending another boring day of my life alone, trapped inside my house with just my guitar, my computer and my books. Not so long ago, I would have been perfectly content with this outcome. Now, not so much.

My mind kept wandering back to Bella. What was she thinking? Did she hate me now? Did she already know what happened yesterday? Had she already looked for me at school? Was she wondering where I was?

Questions kept flooding my mind, effectively distracting me from everything else I was trying to keep myself occupied with.

And on top of it all, I was trying to come up with a plan to keep her away from me without having to skip school permanently. I wasn't naive. I knew I couldn't keep up this charade forever. My mom would be home again tomorrow evening so after that I would have to head back to school, ready or not. And I had a feeling that 'not ready' was the most likely scenario.

So right now, I was staring at a text message in which I had explained Bella that I wasn't comfortable anymore with our whole arrangement and that I'd rather have her leave me alone. It was sort of the truth, but I still couldn't send the damned text. I just didn't want to, because for the first time I had actually felt like I had a friend and now I had to give up on it already.

And don't throw that bullshit thing on me that it would be like going back to what it was before because it would never be the same. There would always be a part of my mind that was going to wonder 'what if'. What if Mike was never in the picture or what if he had never found out about Bella stopping by at my place? What if Mike wasn't this obsessed with Bella or what if I wasn't some stupid kid with a stupid stutter?

I groaned in frustration as I threw my phone back on my bed where it landed with a soft thud.

And that's where it stayed for the rest of the day and the next. The unsent message completely forgotten.

It rang a few times throughout the day but I couldn't be bothered to pick it up to see who it was. It was either my mother or Bella and I wasn't in the mood to talk to either of them.

No, wait, that was not entirely correct. I did want to talk to Bella. More than anything actually. I found myself wanting to explain to her the real reason behind this sudden change, but I couldn't. If she ended up knowing what had happened, she would probably kick Mike's ass - which I would like to see happening of course - but I wasn't ready to deal with the consequences of _that. _

So I was still left with the first plan. Avoid her and push her away again.

But I must say, sticking to the plan is easier when you can stay home. The most annoying thing I had to go through then was dealing with an overprotective mom once she was home. Going back to school today was a lot trickier. I was swerving through the hallways, making myself invisible again for the school's population, even more than before. Luckily, I knew where Bella's classes were by heart so I knew which places to avoid and for once luck seemed to be on my side because by lunch time, I still hadn't run into her. And on top of that, the weather was actually nice so while Bella was enjoying lunch inside with her friends, I could easily hide somewhere outside between the other students instead of having to eat lunch in my car. It seemed that today wasn't going to be that bad after all.

Except for the fact that I felt lonelier than ever. Usually it didn't bother me that much to be alone, but now I was jealous of everyone around me sitting with their group of friends, laughing, joking, and just enjoying the bit of sun we were getting. I was once again alone, with no one batting an eyelash at my presence. I could drop dead and I'm pretty sure no one would notice.

Well, no one, except for Mike I guess. But if he noticed, I'm sure he wouldn't do a damn thing about it either. He was currently sitting at one of the outside picnic tables few yards away from me, surrounded by his usual crowd and every once in a while he would shoot me one of those hate-filled glares that made me want to crawl into a hole and never come out of it again. But apart from him, everyone left me alone again. Just like the old days. Only now I had to deal with the dull ache of missing Bella and having to avoid her on top of it.

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_A/N; Thanks for reading and reviewing :D I love you guys, and I love __**momma2fan**__ as well for all her work!_

_Love, Ellen_


	18. No rumor

**Chapter 17: No rumor**

_Bella_

Whiplash.

That would be the perfect word to describe the feeling I was experiencing now and the past few days. And that particular feeling was caused by no one other then Edward Cullen.

For about a week everything had just been great. We seemed to really get along and I finally had him opening up to me. On top of that, I had found myself really enjoying his company and I thought that he at least wasn't bothered by me, but apparently I had been wrong, because for the past two days, Edward had cut all ties. Literally _all _ties. He didn't reply to my texts, didn't answer his phone and even when I rang the doorbell, he didn't open the door.

Oh, and note that _he _was the one to invite me over that one evening. Yeah, imagine how completely and utterly stupid I felt standing in front of that door without anyone opening it. And the worse part of it all; I had absolutely no idea why all of the sudden he avoided me again. Had I gone too far? Did he regret telling me his story? Had I not reacted the right way?

I was completely clueless.

If I wasn't trying to contact him, I was giving myself a headache trying to find an answer to all of my questions. And I hated him for not being willing to answer them. And I hated him even more for worrying me by not coming to school on top of not answering his phone. I didn't even want to think about the fact that something could have gone wrong.

"Bella, this is the third day in a row that you're down and seriously, it's starting to be annoying!" Rosalie huffed, once again pulling me out of my thoughts by her directness. "Will you finally tell us what's going on, or do we really have to guess?"

Well, she was right. I was down and this whole thing was bothering me far too much. During lunch I had once again remained silent, pushing my food all around my plate and occasionally taking a bite while keeping an eye on the entrance door in case Edward would come in. _No luck today though._

"Because there is nothing you can do about it," I groaned in frustration. It's not like they would be able to magically make Edward talk to me again. They never even knew we talked in the first place.

Yes, I had kept that particular detail for myself. They both assumed that I had stopped my attempt to bond with him after those many failures and I hadn't contradicted them, for Edward's sake.

"About whaaaaat?" Alice whined, giving me another of those typical Alice-style sad faces.

"Have you guys seen Edward the past three days?" I huffed, kind of caving in by giving them a bit of information. Yes, call me stupid, but I wasn't immune to the Alice-puppy-face. And I was getting way too worried not to ask. Even a little bit of information would already make me feel better. I groaned inwardly as I realized how much this whole thing was already affecting me. _Damn him._

"Who, Cullen?" Rose answered, "Are you still trying to buddy-up with him?"

I rolled my eyes at her, deliberately ignoring her question and diverting my attention to Alice, hoping she could provide me with a more decent answer.

"Haven't you heard?" she asked, astonished. I swear her jaw almost hit the cafeteria floor as she was speaking.

"Heard what?" Seriously, her tone almost implied that I had just missed out on World War III or something equally life changing. I must admit that my whole 'lost in thoughts' thing these past three days had kind of closed me off from everything that was happening in Forks High School, not that I was usually particularly interested in the school gossip. I didn't care about who dated whom or if one of the guys from the football team ended up screwing a cheerleader in the janitor's closet.

But of course, I'm friends with Alice. And if there's one thing you should know about Alice Brandon, it is that she lives off gossip. Seriously, give the girl no food for a week and she won't complain, leave her without some dirty rumours for an hour and she'll probably kill everyone within reach. _Be warned!_

"Holy shit, Bella, you really don't know?" Rosalie chimed in.

"Will someone please tell me what's going on?" I huffed in annoyance. Okay, I admit, they had piqued my interest now. Especially since I had a feeling it had something to do with Edward. A bad feeling.

"She's really clueless," Alice told Rose, a look of disbelief on her face.

"He-llooooo", I yelled, waving between the two of them, urging them to talk to me.

"Of course you haven't seen _Edward _around," Rose said, emphasising his name for whatever pathetic reason she had, "I wouldn't dare to come to school anymore as well if I were him."

"Why?" Seriously, could they be any vaguer?

"You really haven't heard about Mike kicking his ass?" Alice added, still wearing her shocked-face like a professional.

"Mike did what?" I shrieked, startling myself and my friends by the unnatural sound, almost throwing my entire lunch on the floor at the same time.

"I've heard he cornered him for some unknown reason, threatened him and then punched him in the stomach," Alice explained, eying me curiously.

Anger was running through my veins at top speed. Who the hell did that fucking Newton kid think he was? Always acting like he was better than anyone else. But now he had messed with Edward, I really wanted to give the guy a stomp in the face. Preferably with a chair.

I hated him for going off on him for no apparent reason, but I guess that's just Mike, always looking out to show the "power" he holds over the school crowd. He disgusted me.

And that's when the wheels in my head slowly started the click.

"When did that happen?" I asked, already pretty sure about the timing but I just wanted to be sure.

"The rumour started Wednesday morning, so I assume it must have been Tuesday because on Wednesday he was already nowhere to be seen," Rosalie confirmed my suspicion.

There was a reason Mike had suddenly decided to harm Edward physically and that reason had been me. I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe anymore. Anger and guilt were moulding together and making me feel pretty damn horrible, yet strong at the same time.

I stood up from my chair, my chest heaving from the fury that was still inside of me.

"Bella?" Rose asked with a slightly panicking voice, but I couldn't be bothered to reply or even acknowledge her concern. There were far more important things to deal with right now then some worried friends. I had to talk to Edward really fucking badly. I had to apologize and make this up before everything was lost.

But first of all, Mike Newton needed to be put into his place and considering the anger that was boiling inside of me this wasn't going to be gentle.

* * *

_A/N: Thank you for your continued support and etc etc, you guys are the best!_

_Momma2fan is awesome and amazing!_

_Love, Ellen_


	19. Confrontation

**Chapter 18: Confrontation **

_Bella_

My heart was pounding violently in my chest as I rushed out of the cafeteria, not bothering to give Rose and Alice any explanation for my sudden departure. I swerved through the few teenagers in the hallway, not even bothering to apologize when I accidentally bumped into someone, to get to the picnic tables outside the school where I assumed Mike and his crew would be. And I was damn right. _Predictable fucker!_

He had just thrown his head back in laughter, all of his friends joining him in the action. _Oh just wait, Mike and see who'll laugh after I'm done with you._

Embry, one of the 'crew', had suddenly noticed me heading their way and he instantly warned Mike by a poke of the elbow into his side before nodding my way. Mike turned around slowly, grinning like the cat that had drunk all the milk, well, at least until he noticed the look on my face.

Determination.

Anger.

Rage.

He knew why I was coming his way. He knew.

But then there it was again, the grin. That damn grin I was about to smack off his face. But this time it was fake. The expression on his face was laced with something that may be the first signals of fear.

Oh, he knew.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" I snapped at him, my voice so loud that all of the sudden the entire crown outside had fallen silent, all eyes on me. I didn't care if people were going to see this exchange. No, I actually loved that they were going to see it. Because I wouldn't be the one making a fool out of myself.

"Oh hi, Bella, are you joining us?" Mike asked, his voice so fake sweet it made me want to puke. All over him.

"In your dreams!" I spat at him as I had finally reached him. I was trying to look intimidating but I didn't know if it was working. One moment I would assume it was, but five seconds later it would be as if I were a cute little puppy shooting angry glares at him. Not very effective...

But before I even had the chance to start voicing the thoughts that were spiralling through my head, he started talking.

"Oh come on babe, you and me, we could rock, you know," he almost purred while attempting to drape his arm around my shoulder. I swatted it away quickly, giving him a lethal stare in the process of doing so.

"You," I spat, "Don't you dare to put your filthy hands on me! You disgust me!"

"I'm sure you don't mean that, darling," he said, throwing a look at his friends who were laughing along with him. _Fuckers! _This was just one of his performances. One of his so called plays. Little did he know that he wasn't going to be the hero this time. Someone should have told little Mikey that villains usually lose in the end of the play.

"I mean it more than I'm able to express!" I spat back at him, throwing all of my anger in those words, "You think you own this school and this crowd, but you're nothing but a pathetic little boy, desperate for attention! You're a nobody, Newton!"

"Oh, but you like nobodies, don't you, Bella?" he said, mischief all over his face. Tyler and Embry chuckled at his remark, nodding along and encouraging Mike even more. "Nobodies like _Cullen_, right? Is that your type, Bella, huh?"

"He's more of a man than you'll ever be!" I yelled back at him, my hands balling into fists at my sides.

"I highly doubt it," he sneered back at me, his eyes boring into mine as if he were trying to intimidate me. I didn't work. I wasn't afraid of him. He was all talks.

"Well, I'm one hundred percent sure of it!" My eyes were staring back into his, reflecting all the hate I felt towards him.

"Oh puhlease," he laughed, "He can't even say a decent phrase without tripping over his own words. You call that a man? He should be glad that I was willing to show him how _real _men deal with situations. He should be happy that I was actually willing to give him some attention."

That was it.

That was the fucking straw that broke the camel's back.

I took a few steps closer to him, until my face was only inches away from his.

And then, as a smirk played on my lips, I raised my knee and kicked him in the groin. Hard, but still not hard enough for my liking.

The smug look he was wearing mere seconds ago broke into one of pain, making me grin even more. _Take that motherfucker! _

He fell to his knees in front of me, screaming profanities while he was obviously on the verge of crying.

"Aren't you happy now that I was willing to give you some attention?" I sneered, throwing his words back at him while trying to keep myself from laughing.

"You... you... BITCH!" he yelled, his voice still uneven.

"Remember this the next time you decide to interfere with my life!" I spat, turning around to walk away.

But my path towards the entrance was blocked…

By Principal Greene.

Fuck. Me.

"Miss Swan, my office. Now," he said in a cold, detached tone as he took in the scene in front of him before turning around and going back inside.

I cursed under my breath as I followed our principal back inside. Anger was still in control of my body but I was slowly starting to realize that I was in huge trouble. Not that I actually regretted what I did, but this would be the first time I ended up in the principal's office and let's just say I'm not proud of it.

Mr Greene ordered me to take a seat as he did so himself, fumbling with some papers in front of him before picking out a folder from one of the giant cabinets behind him. He slowly leafed through it, so slowly I think he was doing it on purpose to torture me. Couldn't he just say what my punishment was so I could get the hell out of here and talk to Edward?

"Miss Swan, this is not your usual behaviour." Mr Greene ultimately said as he slowly walked from behind his desk to the front of it, casually leaning against it. He crossed his arms in front of him, his eyes boring into mine as if he was trying to find out what went wrong. _Mike Newton_ _that was what went wrong. _

I just stared back at him and refused to say a thing. I still felt like I had every right to teach Newton a lesson and that he should be the one sitting in this chair, not me. I sincerely hoped his balls were crushed completely, damaged beyond repair. He deserved it. I actually did the world a favour. No Newton offspring sounds perfect to me.

"Miss Swan?" Mr Greene said once again, calling my attention.

"I don't see why I'm here and Mike isn't," I said kind of startling myself by talking back to the principal in such a tone. _I'm going to hell. _

"As I recall, you were the one to use violence, not Mr. Newton," he said in a clipping tone.

"Because _Mr Newton _himself had already hit someone a few days ago and I believe it was only fair that he received some sort of answer," I said a little smugly while crossing my arms in front of me to give my argument more force.

"We are well aware of that incident, Miss Swan, and Mr Newton has already visited my office as well," Mr Greene explained.

"Oh."

Yes. 'Oh'. That was the only thing I could come up with at that moment. _Fucking great, Bella!_

"I think you probably know, Miss Swan, that I can't let this incident slip," he continued, "You will, as well, be punished for your actions." I groaned inwardly as Mr Greene handed me a piece of paper that I had already seen very often, yet I had never been in possession of one.

A detention slip. _Great._

"It was brave of you to stand up for a friend, but you should realize that you're the one in trouble now," he said, his voice a little less authoritative. "I expect you to stay after school tomorrow to help Mrs Cope with the cleaning of the library."

"What?" I asked surprised, looking up from the piece of paper I was still clutching in my hands.

Cleaning?

One evening?

That's it?

I half expected that I would be in detention for at least a month considering what I had done, but Mr Greene was just letting me stay one evening to clean the ridiculously small school library? This must be a joke! That's not even a punishment!

I was still staring dumbfounded at the principal, wondering if there might be more to it, but he didn't make an attempt to add something to my list of chores.

"Cleaning. Of. The library," he repeated, punctuating every word now, "Do you have a hearing problem, Miss Swan?" There was a humorous tone in his voice and I saw he was fighting a chuckle. _Well, this is just weird._

"No, sir," I replied quickly still not believing that I was getting off so easily.

"Well, you can go now," Mr Greene announced, gesturing towards the door. I quickly slipped out of the office, a little confused about what had just happened but pretty damn happy I wasn't getting a bigger punishment. I guess it had a lot to do with the fact that I had defended Edward and that the principal himself wasn't very fond of Mike, so I've heard.

Well, only one evening of cleaning was a price I was willing to pay for kicking Mike in the nuts. If I knew I'd get away with it so easily again the next time, I would probably do it all over again.

I pocketed the damn piece of paper before making my way outside again. I might have already dealt with Mike, but I still had to talk to Edward. He had to be put in his place as well, for a whole different reason though.

* * *

_A/N: Thank you for reading, recommending, reviewing, anything! You're the best  
A BIG thank you to momma2fan :D _

_Love, Ellen_


	20. Anytime

**Chapter 19: Anytime**

_Edward_

I thought I was dead.

No, wait, scratch that.

I knew I was dead.

I had a slight presumption that Bella had just found out about the whole hallway incident, because Mike was currently hunched over on the ground, screaming in pain, while Bella was walking behind the principal towards his office. _Not. Good._

I had been a fool to believe that she would never find out about what had happened Tuesday evening, especially because apparently just about the entire school already knew. It wasn't the big conversation topic, but I had already heard some people having hushed conversations about it. At some point I had feared that Bella already knew. I mean, if she had paid a little attention to what was going on in school, she would already know. And with a friend like Alice Brandon...yeah, I feared she already knew.

Well, actually, I didn't quite fear the fact that she knew, I feared that she knew it and wasn't bothered about the whole thing or that she didn't care.

That's why I kept convincing myself that she didn't know just yet, to keep myself from being disappointed.

But disappointed I was, nonetheless.

And the feeling was confusing the living hell out of me. I shouldn't be disappointed that she wasn't doing a damn thing about it; I should be relieved that she left me alone. I mean, that was the whole idea of the avoiding plan, wasn't it?

Then why did I feel disappointed? Why did I care that she wasn't doing a thing about this whole situation?

Maybe she had had enough of me? Maybe she had realized I was a lost cause? Maybe she had decided that I was no longer worth her time?

But all of those thoughts were smashed to pieces now that Bella had kicked Mike in the balls. She wasn't giving up on me and I felt like my face was going to split in two because of the massive smile that was showing now. I felt invincible.

And suddenly, I didn't care about Mike's threats anymore. If Bella was willing to end up in the principal's office for defending me the way she did, I wasn't going to give up on her either. Mike could kick the shit out of me again and I would take it with pride.

In fact, the only reason he lashed out at me was apparently because he was just jealous. He was so damn jealous that Bella was hanging out with me instead of him. She was my friend and it seemed like she would never be his. _Who's the winner now?_

I was still smiling like an idiot thinking about this new development by the time Bella came out of the building again. She looked sort of pissed and I wondered just how bad the punishment was she had received for the show she had put up a few minutes ago.

Her glance travelled over the school grounds, obviously trying to locate someone. When her eyes settled on me and her posture didn't change, I was about to cower away under my seat or somewhere else she couldn't see me. The look on her face told me she was angry. And when she started walking towards me I knew for sure that anger was directed towards me.

For a moment I was wondering what I had done wrong but then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course she was angry. I had just garnered her a ticket to Mr Greene's office. Apparently a very expensive one.

My heart started beating faster in my chest, anxiety taking over my features as she came closer. I guess I could forget about Bella being my friend now. Mike would be the winner of that whole little game after all. Remind me to never cheer to early ever again.

She came to a halt in front of me and just remained silent, her hands on her hips and reminding me so much of the first time she actually talked to me in the cafeteria the day after the locker room incident.

"Edward, why didn't you tell me?" she scolded, glaring at me.

I didn't respond, I was just being a god dammed pussy and was too afraid to talk to her now that she was back to being mad at me.

She must have noticed my discomfort and well, anxiety, because in less than a second her features changed and she looked compassionate and even slightly worried.

"Seriously, Edward, you should have just told me," she said, her tone softer now. I relaxed instantly, but not entirely.

"I w-was scared," I admitted, slumping back in my seat, my eyes focused on the tips of my shoes like they suddenly were the most interesting thing in the whole world.

"Mike is just a douchebag," she murmured, as if she was just reminded of it once again. She took her seat next to me on the bench, stretching her legs out in front of her. I guess the whole 'We-don't-talk-in-school-thing' would be over now as well. I couldn't find it in me to be sad about it. In fact I was pretty damn enthusiastic about it.

But there was one question I still wanted her to answer.

"W-why d-did you do that?" I asked, still afraid to look her in the eyes.

"What? The putting-Mike-in-his-place-act?"

I nodded attentively. I needed to know if she did it because I was involved in the previous accident or if there were any other reasons. Or maybe I just needed to hear from her what I was hoping to hear.

"Seriously, you're asking me why I did it?" she asked, disbelief all over her beautiful voice. I couldn't stop myself from looking up at her then. She was looking worried, lost in thoughts.

"I thought it was only normal to stand up for someone I care about," she said, fidgeting with the rim of her shirt. Was she nervous? Ashamed?

Our eyes locked for a moment and it was as if I could see straight into her soul. And all I could think about was how much I wanted to drown in her eyes forever, about how much I wanted her to be my friend again.

She had already said she cared about me. About me, Edward - stupid loner and stuttering - Cullen. Me! And god, I wanted it to stay that way. More than anything.

"I'm-m sorry," I murmured, refusing to look away from her so she could see how truly sorry I was. Not only for not telling her about the Mike thing, but for pushing her away and actually never letting her in completely.

"Promise me that if he does something like that again, you'll tell me, okay?" she said firmly, sounding more like a mother than a friend for a moment.

I nodded, offering her a small smile with it. She seemed content with it because she breathed in relief.

"Err, w-was it b-bad?" I asked, pointing toward the school building so she would know I was talking about whatever happened in Mr Greene's office.

She shook her head, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "I got away with it pretty damn easy," she grinned, "If I knew I would only get such a small punishment, I would have smacked the living hell out of him a lot sooner."

I couldn't help but chuckle at her tone. It was as if she was really considering another attack on Newton. She definitely had my permission.

"But God, seriously, who the fuck does Mike think he is, deciding who I can and cannot be friends with? Mister I-am-the-king-of-this-school-and-I-can-do-whatever-the-hell-I-want." She rambled, making me hold back a laugh. She was just so cute all flustered and angry, at least when it's not directed towards me. "I mean, dammit, I don't need him to control me or anything. I think I'm old enough to choose my own friends, thank you very much." She ended her clarification with a slight huff before looking back at me, grinning as she noticed my amused expression.

"And y-you'd chose m-me over him?" I asked sheepishly.

"Anytime!"

* * *

_A/N: Lots of love for momma2fan_

_Love, Ellen_


	21. Routine

_Thank god for wifi! :D_

**Chapter 20: Routine**

_Bella_

I can't be mad at Edward. I physically just can't, apparently.

I was just about to give him an entire ramble on how fucked-up this situation was and how angry I was at him for not talking to me about what happened, but then I saw the look on his face. Anxiety.

I was scaring him. _Again. _

My whole demeanor instantly relaxed and every bit of anger that coursed through my veins was washed away. No, I couldn't be mad at him. I couldn't. _Damn him._

I had still called him out though, only a bit friendlier than I had first intended. He didn't even protest when I took a seat next to him, to which I internally squealed.

Yes, squealed.

I didn't know if it was for the fact that I had finally been able to put Mike in his place or that I had Edward back. I guess maybe a little of both, but mostly the latter.

It was only in that moment that I realized how much I hated his distant behavior for the past few days. I had missed him and just the easy atmosphere when I was around him. No pressure, no awkwardness, just us, just Edward and Bella.

So to say it was easy to fall back into our routine would be an understatement. It was a little too easy, but I didn't want to spend time worrying about it. I just wanted to enjoy the moment, as cheesy as it may sound.

Just as before the entire unfortunate encounter with Mike, I went over to Edward's place every day after school for homework. I had already had the "pleasure" of meeting his mom, Esme, briefly but every time I was around she was usually locked away in her office, "working on her newest creations", Edward had explained with an eye roll.

She did say 'hey' to me when I arrived or when she was passing us in the living room and had already told Edward once that she was happy that he had made a friend, but other than that she seemed like a cold, distant person. Just like the house they lived in. It missed joy and happiness. Like all of the love was sucked out of it.

I guess that feeling was lost when Edward's father died. It mustn't have been easy on Esme to raise a child who had not only lost his favorite person in the world but also his ability to speak fluently, while she had to deal with her own grief as well. I didn't blame her for her cold demeanor, but I wished she would just open up more to her son, at least.

Every time I tried to broach the subject with Edward, he would just shrug it off and tell me he was used to this lack of relationship he had now with his mom. It saddened me, but I realized that I couldn't do anything about it. Not when both of them were settled in the arrangement.

So for the next two weeks, I just tried to focus on homework and made a serious attempt not to get involved in the personal relationship between Edward and his mom. I did try to get to know Edward, and much to my relief, he had easily opened up again and had even shared some childhood stories with me. He had once been a happy, carefree child, enjoying his life and now there was hardly anything left. I was proud that I at least was sometimes able to put a smile on his face and sometimes, like when we would play some stupid old game, like the old Simon game he had found in one of the cupboards, I could see a glimpse of the child he used to be.

"Edward, are you happy?" I asked suddenly, looking up from my goddamned math book. Today, the rain was pelting merciless against the wall high windows, causing us to seek shelter in the living room instead of taking place in the yard, like usually, to finish our endless amount of homework. No games today.

He shot me a pointed look, probably wondering why I was asking such a random, yet hard question all of the sudden.

"I d-don't know," he replied, confusion still etched over his features. His brow was furrowed and it was as if he was now really considering if he was or was not happy. Just as I was about to shrug it off and tell him to let it go, because I didn't want to pry, he mumbled, "B-but I know that you m-make me happy."

The smile that almost split my face in two must have been enough of an answer for him, and I intended to vocalize it as well, but before I could, an older, little woman stepped inside carrying a vacuum cleaner behind her like it was a puppy. She looked between Edward and me with an apologetic look before turning on her heels to leave the room again.

"I-It's o-o-okay, C-C-Carmen, w-w-we c-can leave," Edward told her, glancing at me as if he was asking if I was okay with it. I quickly started gathering my stuff and slung my backpack over my shoulder.

"Where to?" I asked, looking outside at the downpour. _Definitely not outside! _

Edward followed my gaze, realizing the same as I did, and for a second he looked as if he was have some sort of internal battle.

"W-we c-could go upstairs," he suddenly mumbled, his eyes showing the hesitation behind his offer. I was nodding in approval, trying to contain my excitement over this. I hadn't seen the upstairs floor yet and after all those days I had already spent here, I was literally going crazy wanting to see it, even if it would just be a glimpse of it. It felt like I was going to see another secret part of Edward and his secret life here.

He smiled as he walked towards the hallway, where a big marble stairs led to the second floor. He hesitantly took the first step and I slowly followed, wondering if he was about to change his mind, but he didn't. In fact, after the little indecision, his steps were determined and he never looked back. It was as if he had made up his mind about showing me the upstairs floor and I had to bite the inside of my cheek not to squeal.

"M-my room o-okay?" he asked, and I swear I saw a little blush appear on his cheeks.

His room?

Holy shit.

I thought we were going to some other room; whatever room there must still be here in this huge house, but it never crossed my mind that he was nervous about this because he was bringing me to his room. I had thought he didn't want me upstairs because it would be full of pictures or something. I was literally rolling my eyes at my own ignorance at that moment.

"Only if you're okay with it," I said, trying not to push any pressure on him, even though I wanted to just scream yes and run into his room.

He nodded, smiling one of my favorite smiles of his, a huge, teeth baring one, before walking to the end of the corridor, to a simple brown door with a little tag that simply said 'Edward'.

* * *

_A/N: You guys are the best! The support I get for this story is so amazing! _

_Momma2fan gets all my love!_

_Love, Ellen_


	22. Promise

**Chapter 21: Promise**

_Bella_

It really felt as if I was walking into some kind of forbidden territory, as I stepped through the door of Edward's bedroom. He was eying me curiously, gauging my reaction as I was taking a first glance into the seemingly small space. This room was so different from all of the other ones in this house, a lot smaller and a lot more normal than the rest. For the first time I felt like this was a home.

It was Edward's home. His room was his sanctuary, his escape from everything. I could literally feel that this was his safe harbor. It even made me feel safe to some extent.

The walls were pretty sober, painted in a blue-grayish color with only a few posters adorning the wall above his bed. I quickly recognized a Beatles poster and an Einstein one, the crazy one where he stuck his tongue out. I almost chuckled at the sight of it. It was totally not something I pictured Edward having in his room, but somehow, now that I saw it up there, it fit. It fit the room and it fit Edward.

His bed was made up with a navy blue comforter, and next to it was his guitar, neatly placed against the wall. In the other corner was his desk and it was literally a mess of paper and books. I frowned as I took it in, expecting Edward to be a neat freak, but apparently when it came to his desk, the opposite was true.

"May I?" I asked enthusiastically, gesturing towards his bookcase that almost collapsed under the weight of all the books even though it was huge and took up half of the length of his other wall.

He nodded, probably chuckling at my enthusiasm before he took a seat on his bed, looking a lot more relaxed than a few minutes ago.

I dropped my backpack on the floor and walked over to the bookcase, running my eyes over the various titles that were displayed. There were a lot of physics and math books, all looking very complicated and far advanced, so I just let them be. The shelf beneath those stored some novels, a few classics and some titles I vaguely recognized. They all seemed pretty worn and I smiled inwardly. I had a few like those stocked in my room as well.

I continued my way through his room, feeling like I was in a museum. _The Edward Cullen museum, entrance only allowed when permitted by Edward himself. _I chuckled at my own ridiculous thoughts as I reached his desk, frowning at the enormous stack of papers that were shattered all over the place.

I noticed that a few school books that I had as well were tucked underneath the mess, but all of the rest were books that looked entirely too complicated to be in a teenager's room. _Weird._

I took a closer look to one of the bigger books that was open and I frowned as I couldn't understand a single thing that was written down there. But apparently Edward could, because there were notes in his handwriting all over the pages.

Suddenly I felt Edward standing next to me and I quickly turned around to look at him, hoping that I wasn't invading too much, because this definitely felt like something huge. But he didn't look upset, he looked… worried, nervous even. He kept fumbling with his glasses and kept glancing at the book in front of us.

I kept looking back and forth between the papers full of scribbles, the book and Edward, more confused than ever.

"Did you…. I mean, do you understand this?" I asked, stupefied.

"M-mostly, yes," he confessed, reaching out to close the book, "I'm-m kind of obsessed w-with ph-hysics and m-math."

"But I thought you were an average student? Like a constant B's kind of guy," I said, voicing my thoughts.

"I c-cheat a bit."

"Whoa, wait, you actually fill in wrong answers?" I asked my voice a little louder than before. I just couldn't understand this. The book Edward just closed clearly was an advanced physics book, like advanced, advanced. University level advanced. But still Edward wasn't top of the class, because he made everyone believe he was just average.

He just nodded, refusing to meet my eyes once again.

"But why?"

"P-people already call m-me so many n-names, I g-guess I don't w-want them to call m-me 'nerd' as well."

"That's bullshit!" I half-yelled, "You're ruining your own life, Edward! You're obviously brilliant and you're just wasting your talent by pretending!"

I literally wanted to take him by the shoulders and shake him awake, because there was no way he was really doing this. It was like self-destruction.

"It's b-better this way," he said, sounding so defeated it crushed my heart. "N-no one w-wants to employ a s-stutterer anyway."

"I bet that's not true! You're brilliant enough to make them overlook that part! And it's not like you'll have to speak up. You can work this all out in silence and on paper!"

Edward just kept shaking his head, denying everything I was saying with a simple gesture. "There's no use in t-trying!"

"Then why do you keep scribbling things down if you think it's all in vain?"

That comment shushed him momentarily and I felt like I was winning the argument here. "It's b-better like this!" he repeated his earlier argument, but he already sounded less convincing.

"That's just totally and completely ridiculous!" I huffed, crossing my arms in front of me. I was so close to throwing a fit like a little child in a toy store and I wouldn't even be ashamed of it. I just couldn't watch him ruin his future because of some stupid high school kids.

"J-just drop it," he pleaded.

"I can't! No one will judge you for being good at something. You obviously like doing this, you said so yourself, so why wouldn't you want to show this to someone and make a future out of it! I wish I had something I excelled in so I would at least know what college to go to and what to study!"

"It's p-pointless."

"It's not! Please, just give it a try, Edward, please." Now I was the one pleading, hoping he would give in eventually, but he kept shaking his head.

"If anyone dares to call you a nerd because of this, I'll give them the same treatment I gave Mike." I said with a grin, still feeling pretty proud about the whole thing. Mike hadn't dared to look in my direction anymore and his reputation was a bit bruised now that he had had his ass kicked by a girl. _Serves him right!_

And everybody else seemed to leave Edward alone as well, so I didn't see why he couldn't pursue his dream now that everything had cleared up for him in that territory.

He sighed, looking like he was about to give in and I couldn't hide my smile. "Please?" I repeated once more, hoping to finally convince him.

"Okay," he shrugged, acting like it wasn't a big deal at all and he was just agreeing to go to the supermarket with me, or something equally dull.

"Promise me you'll make an effort, Edward!" I pleaded.

"I p-promise," he said, smiling back at me when he noticed the smile that etched on my face when he uttered those words.

Now I hoped he would at least try to keep his promise, but I was already doing an internal happy dance at this breakthrough.

* * *

_A/N: Momma2fan is the best beta! _

_Love, Ellen_


	23. Watery changes

**Chapter 22: Watery changes**

_Edward_

"Will you jump in already?" Bella's voice chimed loudly throughout my entire back yard, causing me to almost tumble over into the water instead.

While I had completely forgotten about Bella challenging me to do a little swimming competition the first time she had been here, she most definitely hadn't, not at all, apparently.

We were supposed to do homework today, but Bella was convinced that the weather was too nice to actually do that, so instead she brought her swimming suit – a two piece for the love of all that's holy – and decided to test the pool. It wasn't even that warm but _she_ was convinced that it was tropical weather for Forks.

Of course, I hadn't been able to say no to her – when was I ever lately - , so I was currently in swimming trunks, standing at the side of the pool, ready to jump in. _Lord, have mercy!_

"Get. In. Now!" she yelled, pointing her finger at the water, laughing along the way. I narrowed my eyes at her, not willing to jump in now because then it would seem as if she had won and I didn't want to give her the satisfaction. She had already won so many arguments lately. I had even let her convince me yesterday to drop the entire act of being 'not smart' at school. I must admit, it felt good to have someone actually supporting me, but I was still afraid I was going to fail, even though she was convinced there was no way I was going to 'fuck this up'.

"Edward Cullen!" Now she had her arms crossed in front of her, trying to look all bossy but I could see she had a very hard time controlling her laughter. She was too damn cute to be real.

"O-one condition," I said, a smile tugging at the corners of my lips.

"What's that?" she asked, sweetly – a little too sweetly maybe.

"N-no sn-sneak attacks, 'cause I'll b-be partly blind," I said, pointing towards my pair of glasses that I was still wearing.

"Deal!" she yelled, "Now get in!"

I put my glasses on the table before returning to the side of the pool. Without giving it a second thought, I jumped in, closing my eyes in a reflex to the upcoming water. Once in the pool, I quickly swam upwards - well, swimming may be an understatement as the water isn't that deep, but you get the point right? – to breathe again.

Bella was laughing loudly and swam closer toward me. "You almost emptied the entire pool by jumping in like that," she accused with a grin.

"Liar!"

"I would never." She feigned innocence as she took her place at the shallow side of the pool. "And I'm going to win this shit."

"I w-wouldn't b-be so sure about that!" I grinned, swimming toward her and taking my place as well. We glared playfully at one another for a few seconds, as if this staring contest was going to decide who would be the winner.

"Ten times back and forth," Bella suddenly said, completely serious now. "The winner will earn a lifetime worth of respect from the other."

"Deal!" I replied, giving her a challenging look, before getting ready to win this battle. I wasn't the fastest swimmer, but I did have the advantage that I probably swam a lot more than Bella. Of course, I still didn't know how fast she was.

Bella counted down, giving me another glance before yelling "Start!" We both pushed ourselves towards the other end of the pool, splattering water all over the place but not giving a damn about it. I had to control my laughter or I would swallow the entire content of the pool before this thing was over. I can't remember the last time I laughed so much.

Much to my regret, I had to admit that Bella was quite the swimmer. We were definitely worthy opponents and I had a feeling we would end up arriving together. I could already see the discussion about who exactly won coming up and I don't know why I did it, but I started to swim slower.

She could have my lifelong respect. Hell, she already had it.

So when she reached the end a few seconds before me and ended up jumping all around the pool in victory I couldn't help but grin. The look on her face was worth every defeat.

She came to stand in front of me, looking all giddy and goddamned beautiful. "I win," she said once more, as if I didn't know it yet.

"You win," I said, causing her to fall into another round of cheers.

All her enthusiasm and erratic gestures suddenly caused her to wobble on her feet, her hands starting to wave around to keep herself steady. Without giving it a second thought, I reached out, grabbing her hips to steady her and keep her from falling backwards into the water. An electric pulse shot throughout my entire body as my hands locked around her body. She must have felt it as well because she had stopped every movement and was staring at me, her eyes all wide.

I swallowed a lump that was forming in my throat, hoping that her wide eyes weren't a sign of discomfort. If it was, shouldn't she have already swatted away my hands?

When she put both of her hands on my forearms, I knew no damage was afflicted, but I was still left with this tingly feeling all over my body. And the worst part... I liked the feeling. Very much.

We both stared at each other for the longest time, neither of us moving. My hands stayed on her hips, and her hands stayed on my forearms. My heart was beating frantically and I'm pretty sure my heavy breathing was starting to get noticeable. _Fuck. _

The sound of a dog barking in the neighbourhood broke the spell and suddenly we were both a few feet away from each other again. _Stupid dog._

I already missed the touch and the warmth of her skin, but in a way I was glad that neither of us had to come up with a line to get away from each other. _Now that would have been awkward._

I now realized that it would be better for both of us to get out of the water, preventing whatever happened a few seconds ago from happening again. It couldn't happen again. I had to keep my distance from Bella. We were friends, just friends. That's what we had agreed to and that's what we were going to be.

And the thought alone made my heart clench.

I quickly lifted myself out of the water, trying not to think about this too much. But I guess it was already too late. It was already too late to stop my thoughts from going to that one place. The place that was already convinced that I probably felt more for Bella than just friendship.

_I was royally fucked._

I rubbed my hands over my face, as if that would make the uncomfortable thought go away. When I had regained my composure again, I tiptoed toward the table to get my glasses back, hoping I didn't hit anything along the way. My pinkie toe wasn't very fond of bumping into stuff.

When I finally found them and had put them back on, I made my way back to the side of the pool to grab myself a towel after throwing one at Bella, seeing she had gotten out of the water as well.

I dried off quickly, ignoring the sort of awkward tension between us now, before throwing my shirt back over my head.

"I like your hair like this," Bella said casually while she was still drying off her body. It was very hard not to stare at her while she was doing so. This whole thing reminded me a little too much of "the day we met". Not that I regretted that moment. At least, now I don't.

"How?" I asked stupefied. _Like it like what? _

She stepped towards me, extending her hand towards me and leaving me completely dumbfounded.

"Towel please," she asked when I didn't move. I warily handed her the blue towel, wondering what she was up to and what the damn thing had to do with the way she liked my hair.

Before I could ask her, the towel was thrown over my head and Bella's hands were sort of massaging my scalp. I did take me a while to figure out she was drying my hair, in a very rough – yet very pleasant – motion.

When she took the towel away from my head, I instantly reached out to get my hand through my hair to tame it, but Bella swatted it away.

"Don't!" she exclaimed, taking a step back again, still looking at me.

"Be-"

"Why don't you wear your hair like this?" she interrupted, her eyes still on me, "I like this mess on your head." By now she was chuckling, but I noticed a blush creeping up her cheeks as well. _Damn her. _

I raked my fingers through it, feeling the strands of hair sticking out in every possible direction.

"I-it's alw-ways like this in t-the morning," I admitted with a groan. I hated the morning routine of taming that mess.

"You should leave it like this, instead of combing it," she said, looking as if she was still lost in thought.

"Err, okay..." Well, I guess my mom was right about it then. I may not have listened to her comment about it, but I sure was going to listen to Bella.

Suddenly she bolted forward again, halting right in front of me.

"Can I?" she asked, her hand freezing midway between us. I didn't know what she was up to, once again, but I nodded anyway. It's not like she was going to hit me, right?

She reached out and picked the glasses off my face before taking a step back, letting her eyes rake over my entire body and making me goddamned nervous.

"You know," she said, musingly, "you're actually really handsome."

And I guess that was about the time my heart stopped beating.

* * *

_A/N: Lots of love to momma2fan_

_Love, Ellen_


	24. Present

**Chapter 23: Present**

_Bella_

When I rang the doorbell to the Cullen's, I was more nervous than I had been the last few days. I'd have liked to believe it was because it was a Saturday, and I usually don't stop by at the weekends, but I knew it was because of what happened yesterday.

For a first, there was that little moment in the swimming pool, when Edward had put his hands on my hips and our eyes had locked. I had felt like the entire universe had shifted and there was nothing but him and me in that moment. And on top of that all, I had liked the feel of his strong hands on my hips more than I allow myself to admit.

And then secondly, Edward with his hair being an absolute mess on top of his head and without his glasses was probably a sight I would never forget. I had told him he was handsome, but he was so much more. He looked different yet the same and it had driven me crazy. I was still trying to forget that I had dreamt about everything that had happened last night, only in my mind, things had ended on a slightly different note. Most importantly, his mom hadn't suddenly interrupted us after the whole handsomeness declaration, and caused Edward to back away from me. In my dream, he had actually come closer to me, and had wrapped his strong, slightly muscular arms around me and my god, I wanted to know how that felt in real life, because if the dream was something to go by, these feelings I already had were getting out of hand.

Yes, feelings. I admit it.

I might be feeling something for Edward other than friendship. Sue me!

But before I could let my mind wander into places I was preventing it from going, Edward opened the door cautiously. When he saw me standing there his smile grew wider and I couldn't stop the fluttery feeling in my stomach. _Yes, out of hand!_

"Bella!" he exclaimed enthusiastically, "W-what are you d-doing here?"

He quickly let me in before giving me time to actually answer his question. Once we were in the living room, I picked the little box out of my bag. "Well, I kind of bought you a little present," I shrugged, trying not to make a big deal out of it.

"W-what is it?" he asked, eying the box curiously.

I nonchalantly handed him the box of contacts I bought this afternoon during another horrible shopping trip with Alice. She had been in the fitting rooms of one of her favorite shops with about half of the store's clothes so I had found a way to slip out of that hell hole and go to the optician to buy him a relatively cheap pair of contacts, just so he could try them out.

"C-contacts?" Edward asked a bit confused when he noticed the content of the box.

I nodded, still pretty enthusiastic about it. "I just thought you looked better without your glasses so..." I said. His face suddenly crunched up and I instantly regretted my decision and this stupid idea. _Stupid selfish me and stupid handsome Edward without glasses_

"I mean, you don't have to wear them, I just wanted to... I don't know... give you an original present or something. Seriously, you can just throw them away if you want to, I.. I'm sorry, this was a bad idea, wasn't it?" I rambled, feeling utterly stupid while I wanted to earth to suck me up right where I was standing.

"No, no, no, I r-really appreciate it!" he exclaimed, "It's j-just the thought of having t-to stick my f-finger in my eye."

"Oh," I laughed, relief washing over me. He liked the present. Thank fucking God!

"Apparently it's not that bad," I shrugged, trying to ease him into trying.

"I g-guess I'll give it a try.. o-once." He laughed, still looking at the package, now reading the instructions on the back of the box.

"B-but why did you decide to b-buy me something?" he suddenly asked, "I d-don't have anything for you."

"I haven't achieved anything lately, but you have. I've noticed you're getting better at talking. I mean, the stutter is getting less explicit, like you trip less over your words." I said, "So therefore, the present!"

Okay, okay, I admit it, I would have given him the damn contacts anyway, for completely selfish reasons, but it was nice to have an excuse this time. It's not like '_Yeah, err, I like swooning over you without your glasses and your hair being a mess, so...', _would quite do it. Or maybe it would, but it would be a pretty damn embarrassing moment for me!

Edward smiled proudly, obviously having figured the whole stuttering thing out himself already.

"Do you know why?" I asked curiously but with a huge grin on my face because seeing him so proud made me feel pretty damn happy as well.

"I-I've been thinking about it for a w-while now, and a-all I can come u-up with is that it has something t-to do with trust."

"Trust," I repeated after him. "Does that mean you trust me now?"

I was _this _close jumping up and down, clapping my hands like a little girl. Yes, it meant that much to me!

"Maybe," he smirked, looking pretty damn handsome doing so. _Damn him and his handsomeness. _

"But I don't understand. What about your mom then?" I suddenly said, thinking about the few times his mom had been around. "You still stutter when you talk to her, even when I'm around."

"Be-because I don't t-trust her," he whispered, but there was a hard edge in his voice. Perhaps, even a little vulnerable.

"Why?" I asked again, not really understanding why someone wouldn't trust his own mother. I mean, I know Edward and his mom weren't that close, but not trusting your mom is like really damn serious.

For the past few weeks, I had tried to keep myself out of their relationship, because I didn't think it was any of my business how they dealt with one another but this time I couldn't keep my curiousness at bay.

"She's always t-trying to fix me, while I c-can't be fixed," he murmured in a weak voice, his eyes not meeting mine anymore.

"How do you mean 'trying to fix you'?"

"She w-wants me to go see doctors a-and specialists all t-the time," he explained, "S-she just can't accept t-that it's all in v-vain."

"She just wants to help you, I guess," I said, trying to see his mother's side of this. Every mother wants their child to be happy and maybe that's all she wanted, for Edward to be happy. I mean, she didn't seem to be horrible, at least not to me.

"It's h-hopeless!" Edward said now with a little bit more force behind his words, "I d-don't want it anyway!"

"Oh, okay," I said, hoping I hadn't angered Edward by kind of defending his mother.

There was some sort of an awkward silence between both of us after that and once again, I wished I had never brought it up in the first place.

"So," I started again, willing this tense atmosphere to get the hell out, "Are you going to try the contacts?"

"Not today," he replied, but his smile indicated that he was going to try them once. _Just not today._

I could live with that.

* * *

_A/N: Momma2fan is still my hero!_

_Lots of love, Ellen!  
_


	25. Arrangements

**Chapter 24: Arrangement**

_Edward_

I was toying with the little box of contacts, turning it around in my hands, unable to put it aside or even out of my sight.

A present, Bella had given me a present. _Me! _

I had never gotten anything from a friend before, unless you count the mud pie that Eric had given me once when we were both toddlers, but I don't. So yeah, this was a big deal to me.

And add to it that this was a present from _Bella_, and I was completely losing my mind.

Things were getting out of hand, fast, and I didn't know how to feel about that. I wanted to be happy and enjoy whatever this was, but right now, it only made me anxious. I had never felt this way about anyone before and it was scaring me. It made me want to run away from it, as far away as possible, but at the same time, I wanted to stay close…to Bella.

To say it was confusing me would be one of the biggest understatements in the history of mankind.

At least I didn't have to worry about school for a while now because Easter holiday had started, leaving me with nothing to do for about two weeks. I didn't think I would have been able to focus on anything school related with all the other thoughts running through my head at a hundred miles per hour.

And maybe this school break would be good for me as well, because it would mean some distance from Bella, well, unless she decided to stop by every day now, like this afternoon, just because she wanted to. I felt like I really needed some distance before I completely lose my mind.

Lose my mind as in falling for Bella.

I couldn't fall for her. I just couldn't. It would just leave me heartbroken and even worse than before. So, distance sounded like a perfect plan.

Yes, a perfect _plan _because in reality, everything was a lot more difficult. It all worked perfectly in my head, but when it came to sticking to it I could already feel myself failing. I already missed her and she had only left about two hours ago. There was no denying it anymore; I was already in too deep. I could feel it in my bones and every fiber of my body.

"Edward?"

My mom's voice shook my out of my thoughts and made me jump up from my bed as quick as possible to hide the little box that I was still holding. After stashing it safely away in my desk drawer, I took a seat on my bed again.

"C-c-com-me in-n," I said, mad at myself for tumbling over my words again. Things were so much easier with Bella. _Stop it, Edward! Distance, remember?_

My door opened with a slight shrieking sound and my mom entered cautiously, a soft smile on her lips. I almost narrowed my eyes at the sight of it, because her entire demeanor literally _screamed _that there was something going on.

"Can we talk?" she asked, standing awkwardly in front of my door. _Yep, something had happened._

I nodded, still not moving from my bed as my mother took a seat on my office chair.

"You know I only want the best for you, right?" she started, fiddling nervously with the rim of her shirt. Her eyes briefly met mine and that's when I was certain that whatever I was about to hear wasn't something I would be happy about.

I didn't reply her because I honestly doubted sometimes whether she really considered my feelings while wanting the best for me, so I just waited for her to continue and hear her out.

"I've talked to your principal, Mr. Greene, about your grades," she said, "And we're both concerned. You used to easily get B's but you've been slacking more and more lately. He said your average was a C now."

I had realized already that with everything that had been going on, I had been slacking on school a bit, but I had never cared about it. It's not like I would be going to college or anything.

Well, at least, that was until two days ago. I had promised Bella to do better and I was planning on keeping that promise. Distance or not, I wasn't going to let her down.

"I-I-I-I'll d-d-do b-b-better, I-I-I p-p-prom-mise," I uttered, hoping this answer would convince my mom and make her leave me to myself again. I had scheduled another battle with my mind about Bella later and I wanted to figure this whole distance thing out rather soon than later.

"You've been telling me that for the last five years, honey, and still you keep getting bad grades. I can no longer watch you give up on life."

My eyes shot up to hers and I wondered what was coming now. It didn't sound good. I felt like change was coming and I wouldn't like it. I was already dreading the next thing that would come out of her mouth.

"I've decided with your principal and teachers that it would be good for you to go to that new school in Seattle. They treat traumatized children while they offer a decent education program. Going to Forks High School is a waste of time right now, so I'm glad the school is willing to accept you midterm after the vacation. It wasn't easy to get you in, but we've done it! You're in, honey! You're gonna get better!" She was smiling so brightly, happy about this all, while I could literally feel the world disappear underneath my feet. Her words literally hit me like a ton of bricks.

Another school after this vacation? Away from Forks? A school for traumatized children?

I was no fucking child anymore, for Christ's sake!

And how dare they call it a school. It's no school. It's an institute. Just like all the other ones she had already tried to send me off to.

My mind was racing, the anger boiling and I could feel my chest was starting to constrict. Though all the madness, I could only envision one thing though…I was going to be away from Bella.

The only good thing that had happened to me since my father had passed away would be gone again and there was nothing I could do about it. The decision had been made final before I had had a say in it.

I wanted to yell at my mother, but no words left my mouth. It was like someone had stuffed a cloth in my mouth to make it impossible for me to say what I wanted to say. I hated myself once again for not being able to speak up. I truly and totally hated myself for not being able to tell her that I didn't want to leave and that I could do a lot better in school if I wanted to, and that I actually had just promised Bella that I was going to, but I was just sitting on my bed, my mouth shut closed.

"Edward, you need to look at the possibilities here," she continued, "What if they're able to find a way to help you? You've been sulking for seven years now and I think it was about time that I made this decision for you. You need help, Edward, you can't keep denying it."

I didn't need help. I didn't want to be "better". I was perfectly happy with the way things have been the last few weeks.

Or wasn't I?

Maybe I was mostly confused lately, but that didn't mean that I wasn't happy, right?

I thought about all of the times Bella had come over and felt a smile tugging at the corner of my lips. Yes, I had been happy. She was the first person to make me forget about all the baggage I carried and I truly appreciated her for that. But it still felt like somewhere along the way I had failed. Whether I like to admit it or not, I had fallen for her. The one thing that I should have prevented from happening happened. I hadn't been sure about it until now, until I had to consider being away from her, but now I was. I loved Bella. I loved her.

I was letting it all sink in, anxious about the realization and what it meant for both me and Bella. I truly believed that in the long run, this would destroy everything. This entire friendship we had so carefully built up would just crumble to its foundations again and I would be the one to catch the blow of it. I would be the one heartbroken and alone again, because if Bella were to find out, things would never be the same again. There was no way she would feel the same way about me. Stupid stuttering Cullen.

Maybe this whole Seattle thing wasn't such a bad idea after all. It was definitely going to provide me with the distance I was looking for. Maybe this opportunity was a sign that I had to step back from her even more than I first intended to.

For the first time since my mom had told me about the _institution _I was really considering the option and I couldn't find anything negative about it anymore. I would be away from Mike – who until now still scared me – I would be away from any other bully in Forks High and I would be away from my mom.

And the being away from Bella, well it would hurt, but I knew that if I let this go on longer, it would hurt even more to let her go.

For the next two days, I kept going over my options, happy that Bella was out of town with Alice and Rosalie for two days so I could think clearly about it. My mind was working overtime trying to work this out, but in the end I knew I had already decided.

I was going to Seattle.

It's not like I had a choice, because my mom had already arranged everything, but my decision meant that I wasn't going to fight it. I would go willingly.

I would take some distance.

But the only thing that bothered me now was how on Earth I was going to explain this to Bella?

* * *

_A/N: All my love to momma2fan! Oh, and in case you didn't know yet, she's a brilliant writer as well, so check out her stories as well, okay? Okay!_

_Love, Ellen!_


	26. Truth

_So *fumbles with the rim of her shirt* my beta told me to give you a tissue warning for this chapter so… you know, while you go get you a box of Kleenex, I'll just go hide under a rock…_

**Chapter 25: Truth**

_Bella_

Spring break…usually those two little words had the power to turn me into an extremely happy person every year it came around. But this year, not so much.

I mean, at first it had. Two weeks off school are always a happy time. Not having to get up early, doing whatever the hell you want and not a care in the world for fourteen sweet days. On top of that, weather would be changing quickly and the usual overly green Forks would soon be a lot more colorful with all those wild flowers that would start to bloom everywhere. Even the two-day, usually horribly exhausting, shopping trip with Alice and Rosalie had never made me hate this school break.

But now, everything seemed to have shifted. Every other thing was still true and in action, but one thing made me change my entire opinion about these fourteen days.

Spring break also meant no more homework, and no homework meant no Edward.

And it seemed that no Edward, meant an unhappy Bella.

Alice and Rose had complained about it frequently the past two days on our shopping 'weekend'. This trip was something we did every year – under slight pressure from Alice that is – and usually, even though I don't like buying clothes, I would have the best time just being out with my friends. This year though, I kept sulking and wanting to go back to Forks. My mind kept wondering what Edward was doing and I sort of felt bad for leaving him alone.

So to say those two days had been passing by painfully slow, would be an understatement.

I instantly felt happier the moment Alice dropped me off in front of my two story house because at least I was already a lot closer to Edward now. _I know; I'm losing it._

I waved goodbye to Alice, after thanking her for the lovely weekend.

Okay, I might have lied a bit, but I couldn't stand hurting her feelings. She was my best friend after all.

I rushed inside, dropping the two bags of new clothes on the couch before taking off to the kitchen to find Charlie, where I knew he would be as he wasn't in the living room watching sports.

And I was right. He was sitting at the table, eating some bad looking pasta out of a can, making me scrunch my nose instantly. I knew leaving town with Alice and Rose hadn't been the best idea considering my mom had decided to go visit some art gallery on the other side of the continent right the same time. This was just more proof that leaving Charlie alone to take care of himself usually didn't end well.

"Dad, that's the worst food you could possibly eat!" I complained, "And it probably doesn't even taste good."

Charlie picked up the can, turned it around, and started reading the label. After a few seconds he stood up, and threw the entire thing in the waste bin.

"I'll just fix us a salad, okay?" I shrugged, already walking towards the fridge to see what I could make out of it.

"What would I do without you," Charlie sighed amused before retreating to his so beloved couch.

I quickly threw something together, contemplating whether it was already too late to stop by at Edward's place or not. It was a little past eight, so it wasn't incredibly late, but it didn't seem like a decent hour to stop by for a casual visit.

I decided to wait until the next day to see how he was doing, because I didn't want to intrude and mostly, I didn't want to leave already after a short period of time.

But not going hadn't been a good decision after all because that night, I hadn't slept at all. I kept tossing and turning in my bed, my mind going crazy over so many things that I couldn't just make it shut up. Edward's looks, Edward's grades, Edward's music, Edward's stuttering. Yes, it all came down to one thing. One person...Edward.

So the next day, I was up early, fixing myself breakfast faster than ever so I could leave as quickly as possible. A smile was tugging at the corner of my lips as I parked my recently fixed truck – thank Charlie for willing to help me pay for it – in front of the Cullen's house.

The minute Edward let me in I could already sense something was wrong. The tension was rolling off of him in big, fat waves and he seemed too nervous.

"Are you okay?" I asked a little worried.

"Yeah, f-fine," he smiled, but the smile didn't touch his eyes like it usually did.

"You know, you're a bad liar, Edward," I sighed.

"I do n-need to tell you something," he confessed, refusing to meet my eyes as he spoke. Fear suddenly took over my entire body. Whatever it was that was going on, I wasn't going to like it, I could already tell that much.

"What is it?" I questioned cautiously. I softly placed my hand on Edward's forearm, in a comforting gesture, but he started to walk away toward the couch. I didn't know if he simply meant to go sit down or if he was avoiding my touch. Either way, it hurt that he stepped away from me.

"I… err…" he started, but never seemed to find the words he wanted to say. I wanted to scoot closer and shake him, demanding him to tell me right this very moment what was going on, before I would lose my mind, but I couldn't. I was just staring at him, waiting until he would start to talk again.

"I… I'm l-leaving," he said, his voice no louder than a whisper, but I had heard it.

"You… You're leaving? Ho- wha- bu-," I was stammering, unable to understand what he meant by 'leaving'. Was he leaving on a vacation with his mother? Were they moving back to Chicago, where they lived before they had come to Forks?

"My m-mom enrolled me in s-some special school in Seattle. T-they threat t-traumatized children and m-might be able to help me. I'll s-start school there after s-spring break ," he said, his eyes fixated on his hands that were in his lap.

"But why?" I asked, unable to utter anything else as his words were still sinking in.

Seattle. Leaving…another school…gone.

"B-because I need help, Bella."

"No you don't," I practically yelled, "You don't want any of this! You've said so yourself. You don't want to go to some stupid institution! And your grades are just something you're working on right now! Can't you just tell your mother that?"

"It's t-too late," he whispered.

"No, it's never too late. You have to tell her, Edward. Tell her about the science and math problems you're solving easily and she'll let you stay!" I was beyond myself right now, desperate to make him realize that he had to stay. He was smart enough to stay in Forks he just needed time to prove it.

"I have t-to go."

I shook my head forcefully, willing the tears to stay away.

"It's better f-for everyone if I d-do," he said.

"What about me?" I asked my voice breaking as I spoke.

"You'll be f-fine." A sad smile was playing on his lips. He was trying to convince me that it would be fine. But it wouldn't. It wouldn't be fine if Edward left. I couldn't be fine because it seemed as if my entire world was tuned to him lately. I couldn't just turn it off now.

"But Edw..." I started, but I was interrupted by Edward, who slowly had turned his back on me and walked towards the front door again.

"It w-would be better if y-you left now," he said quietly and the tone of his voice sounded broken. But it was nowhere near as broken as my heart was.

* * *

_A/N: Still love me? Just a little bit? Yes? No? Please?_

_Thank you so much for the amazing support you've already given me, you guys are the best!_

_Momma2fan is the best beta. End of story._

_Love, Ellen _


	27. Crushed

**Chapter 26: Crushed **

_Bella_

You know that feeling when you have to clamp your teeth together, force your eyes to close and swallow the lump in your throat to keep yourself from crying? Well, that was exactly the feeling I was experiencing as I left Edward's place after his little declaration that day. On the verge of tears, ready to break any second…Edward was leaving.

He was leaving Forks _and me_ in less than two weeks for God knows how long.

But I don't think that _that_ was what hurt most…It was his nonchalance about this whole new arrangement. It almost looked as if he didn't even care that he had to go. All this time he had been talking to me about how much he hated that his mom was pushing him in these institutions and now he seemed to just accept the change, without any resistance? I just couldn't believe it. I felt like he had betrayed me, and even more so; himself.

He was too smart to be going to that damn place in Seattle! He was even too damn smart for Fork's high school!

And there was no trauma that had an effect on him. We had already figured out together how to get rid of his stutter. It was just a matter of trust, and I highly doubted that they would be able to teach him in some stupid institution how to trust people.

I was fuming all the way home, mad at him for giving up, while battling the tears as well. I didn't even acknowledge my mom's or dad's presence but just headed straight for my bedroom. The tears were winning and I didn't want either of them to see it, because that meant I would have to explain and I neither wanted, nor could do it.

But of course, my mom instantly ran after me, obviously worrying about me. I just shrugged it off and then sighed in relief when she didn't pry. Good thing about my mom is that she always knows when I'm rather on my own.

And that's how I spend the entire day. In my bed, fighting against the tears that were always threatening to fall, while getting myself more and more worked up about the whole situation.

By the time the sun rose again the next day I had had enough of all this SULKING. I couldn't just watch Edward ruin his future. I had to talk to him. I had to make him see that he was making a mistake, because _I_ couldn't watch him make it.

I mean, as a friend, I owed him that much, right? A friend should be able to tell you when you're making a mistake and call you out on it, while being taken serious, right?

So when I thought it was late enough, right after breakfast, I got back in my truck, fought the engine for a while because it didn't want to start much to my annoyance, and drove back to the Cullen's, hoping to be able to talk some sense into the person that in a few weeks had become the centre of my world.

I swiftly parked my car in front and jumped out, already running toward the front door when I saw someone moving at the right side of the house. I instantly halted and turned around to check.

To my biggest astonishment, Edward's mom was watering some of the plants and flowers that were placed neatly next to one another, at the side of the house.

When I saw the slight smile on her face, rage started to course through my veins again. How could she feel so happy when she was about to send her only son, her only family member, away to some stupid, unnecessary institute?

I quickened my steps toward Esme, ready to call her out about this whole situation. She smiled politely as I approached, as always, until she noticed the look on my face. Yes, it must have been quite the sight.

"Why are you sending him away?" I yelled, not even bothering to be polite even though I probably should.

"Excuse me?" she said, still friendly but I could hear the hard undertone in her voice. She didn't like to be spoken back to, apparently, but at this moment, I couldn't care less.

"You're sending Edward to Seattle to some stupid institution, when _he_ doesn't even want to go!"

"Edward wants to go." She still hadn't raised her voice and in some way, I wish she would because I wanted to yell and scream back at her without having to feel guilty.

"No, he doesn't! He doesn't even belong there!"

"Edward has some serious problems, Bella. I don't know how much he told you, but he does need help."

"He doesn't! You can't take him away from his home, not now!" _You can't take him away from me. _

My voice was still firm, though I was slacking. I was already fighting the tears again but was determined not to cry in front of his mother. I would not show her how weak I really felt. I would not!

"Bella, I only want the best for my son, you must know that by now, and that school is one of the best on the whole continent. Forks High School is just too difficult for Edward," she informed me and I could see in her eyes that she really meant what she was saying. She believed the lie Edward had created. Everyone believed it.

"Forks High is not hard _enough_ for Edward," I mumbled, not intending for anyone to hear but myself. I wish I could just tell his mother about the papers and books upstairs, but I didn't want to stab a knife in Edward's back by being the one to out his secret.

"Look, I think it's really nice of you to consider Edward's feelings about this, but he wants this too, so I'm afraid you'll have to accept it."

"No, he doesn't want this!" I yelled, "He doesn't want this and he doesn't need this!"

I knew I was repeating myself over and over again, but someone had to fight Esme. Someone had to stand up and make everyone realize that Edward wasn't stupid. He was fucking brilliant and no one knew.

"Why do you even care so much?" Esme said now, her voice starting to get a little annoyed.

"Because I love him, okay, because I love him!" I yelled only realizing seconds later what I had just admitted without giving it a second thought. My eyes grew wide and shock must have been visible in my brown orbs. I even had had difficulties admitting it to myself, and now I was just yelling it at his mother before even Edward knew. _Good one, Bella, good one._

Esme's eyes were now fully focused on me, as if she was trying to read me, to read the truth off my face, but _her_ features didn't give me any indication as to what she thought of my declaration. Was she going to tell Edward? Was she just going to forget about it?

She didn't seem to have any answer for me. She just stood there, frozen with one of the gorgeous red roses between her perfectly manicured fingers.

The silence that lingered was full of tension and it seemed as if we both didn't know what to do. Suddenly Esme's eyes left me and seemed to be focused on something behind me.

My breathing started to become heavier and my heart was pounding ferociously in my chest as realization hit me. I slowly turned around and was faced with Edward, who looked a little bit shocked to say at least.

"Edward," I breathed, still not moving because I couldn't even if I wanted to. He didn't move either but his eyes were fixated on me, a pleading look masking the shocked one now.

When I finally was able to order my limbs to move, I walked slowly towards him, not caring anymore about his mother who was obviously still watching us. Before I had even reached him, Esme suddenly bolted past us, and even though her presence wasn't bothering me, I was happy she had left us alone. I'd rather not have any spectators now.

"How long have you been listening?" I whispered once she was out of sight. My voice sounded so weak, so breakable as if one single blow would be enough to break me completely.

"Long enough," he replied his voice just as low as mine.

* * *

_A/N: Thank you guys for reading (and reviewing) really! You have no idea how much I appreciate it :D Those review alerts make me smile every time :D _

_Momma2fan is my hero!_

_Love, Ellen_


	28. Don't leave!

**Chapter 27: Don't leave**

_Edward_

She loved me? Bella loved _me?_

I must have misunderstood something. Anything. Because there was no way Bella had just told – or well, yelled – at my mother that she loved me. My mind just couldn't grasp _that_.

But when she turned around and looked me in the eyes, I knew I had heard right. She loved me.

Bella looked as if she was caught red handed, but along with the angst, there was a glint of expectation in her eyes as well…expectation for me to answer her unexpected declaration.

"How long have you been listening?" she whispered once my mother had left us alone, her voice barely audible over the soft rustle of the trees and other plants around my house.

"Long enough," I confessed, hoping that she wouldn't hate me for eavesdropping. I had never meant to hear the conversation between my mother and Bella. I had just wanted to ask my mom where she had put the box of cereals because I had wanted some breakfast.

But when I had heard Bella yelling and my mother uttering my name in response, I hadn't been able to move anymore. I couldn't go back inside, nor could I make my presence known. I had been frozen in place, unable to tune the voices out, leaving me in a sort of awkward situation now.

Luckily, Bella didn't seem to be mad that I had heard everything, but for a moment she seemed pensive about it. Her eyes were suddenly directed toward the ground, and her fingers were fumbling with the rim of her sweater. It took me a while to realize that she was nervous. Of course she would be. She had just confessed to loving someone and right now, I was leaving her without an answer.

But could I tell her? Could I really tell her what I have been suspecting for a while now?

I had already come to a point where I was able to admit to myself that I, as well, loved her. But was it something I should tell her? My heart screamed at me to tell her, to just say it and see what would happen, but my brain was telling me to step back and just let it go because Bella was nowhere near good enough for someone like me. That's what I had been telling myself all along and I still firmly believed it. I would never be good enough for her.

"Edward?" Bella said softly and I thought I saw tears glistening in her eyes. It broke my heart. Seeing Bella sad simply destroyed it into a thousand single pieces.

Before I could register it, she had wrapped her arms around me, clinging to me in such an intimate way that I couldn't keep myself from wrapping my arms around her as well. It felt good though, it sort of felt like coming home.

"Don't leave," she whispered against my chest and I wanted nothing more than to just tell her I would stay and that everything would be okay. But I wasn't stupid. I knew that if I did stay, it wouldn't be okay. It would overcomplicate things. Things that shouldn't be complicated.

"I have to," I said, trying to keep my voice as even as possible but probably failing horribly. At least I didn't seem to fall over my words now, which shocked me for a split second before realization dawned on me. Bella confessing her love had made every wall of safety I had put up along the way tumble to the ground. There was nothing left, not even a little bit of it. I was free of that burden now and god, I loved the feeling.

"I don't want you to," she confessed, still holding onto me and sue me, but I wasn't eager to let go just yet.

"Bella, you have tons of other friends. You'll be fine without me," I said, once again bewildered by the fluent way the words left my mouth.

"I don't need them. I need you." Her voice had gained a bit of strength now, like she knew she would have to fight to get through to me.

"Why me?"

"Because…you're different than everybody else. You don't care about what clothes I wear, whether they're old or cheap. You don't expect me to be some girly girl, while everyone else apparently does. I can be myself around you," she said, her eyes never leaving mine as she spoke. I could feel the honesty behind her words radiating from her.

"You should be yourself around everyone, Bella, you're too beautiful on the inside to let others ruin that part of you," I said forcefully.

"Just don't go, please," she repeated once again, sensing that I had been trying to get her off that topic.

"Bella, you shouldn't care for me," I said, trying to keep my emotions in check because honestly, there was nothing I wanted more than for Bella to care for me. But I just couldn't let her. I couldn't let her ruin her life on someone like me. Someone who was partly broken, possibly unable to ever be restored. I might feel fixed now, around her, but I knew that the second someone else would be around, the stutter would creep its way back to the conversation.

"Too bad then, because I already do," she said, her voice betraying the hurt behind my previous request. She hurriedly swiped the back of her hand over her cheek, brushing away a tear that had won the battle.

"Please don't cry," I whispered pained without thinking, "It breaks my heart."

"Well, if you go, you'll break mine!" she yelled forcefully slightly slapping my chest.

"I don't have a choice, Bella," I sighed.

"Yes!" she yelled, tears now streaming down her beautiful, pale face, "Yes, you do. You can go tell your mom the truth. Tell her that you don't want to go to that stupid school and that even Forks High is too easy for you!"

"It's not that easy."

"You won't even try," she accused me.

"Because it would be all in vain."

"There is nothing wrong with trying," she said, her tear-filled, pleading eyes meeting mine.

"And what if I stay; what happens then? We just move on like nothing happened?" I asked, though I actually never intended for Bella to answer me.

"_This_ happened," she said, gesturing all around her to indicate the moment we were having now, "I can't ignore it."

"Bella, please, we… we can't act on these feelings. We can't. It'll ruin us," I pleaded, but instead of convincing her, I had just confessed to her that I felt something for her. _Good job, Edward, really, good job. _

"You feel something too?" she asked, a little smile suddenly tugging on her lips, though her eyes were still glassed over.

I remained silent, slapping myself inwardly for making this mistake. Bella took my silence as an agreement of course and I felt like I was in the line of fire then.

"Please, Edward, please don't fight it. Please," she pleaded, "I need you." Those last three words were no louder than a whisper, though the impact of them was so much bigger. She needed me.

She shouldn't.

As I was still trying to grasp the situation, Bella suddenly put herself on her tiptoes, her eyes almost looking straight into mine now that she had a few extra inches of height.

"Don't fight it," she whispered again before softly brushing her lips against mine. The touch was feather light and lasted less than a second but I could feel the electricity pulsate throughout my entire body. It was like magic. No, it was even better. It was heaven.

I didn't even realize that I had been holding my breath until I suddenly had to grasp for air to fill my lungs again. I needed every ounce of physical strength to pull away from her, to let her out of my hold, because there was nothing I wanted more than to wrap myself around her and never leave again. But I had to. I had to leave and I had to give her a chance to really live.

"We don't belong together, Bella," I said, my voice no louder than a whisper. It hurt so badly to utter those words, but I had to. For Bella's sake, I had to.

"Bullshit," she said, but I could see the hurt she was trying to mask lurk around the corner.

"Bella, look at you. You're beautiful, smart and you can have every boy you want. You don't need me."

"I want you," she said forcefully, obviously still not letting me off the leash. It was going to be hard to convince her, hell, I felt like I even had to convince myself again for a moment, but it had to be done.

"I'm a nobody, no one even wants to talk to me," I argued.

"You're everything to me," she uttered, not missing a single beat.

"Bella, please." I was close to pleading again. Pleading for her to let me win this, because I knew that if she didn't give up soon, I would cave in. She had to realize I was only fighting this for her own well being. She had to realize that this was for the best.

"No, Edward, don't do this. Don't push me away! This is even worse than you leaving. They got through to you, they made you believe that you're worthless but you're not. You're amazing and they're just too blind and too stupid to see it." She was yelling now, heavily pointing at me while she was calling me out. I kept shaking my head because I wanted to believe none of it. They didn't get through to me, only she did, on a whole other level.

"It's true, Edward, please! Can't you see it?"

And because I knew that now she had broached this argument, I wouldn't be able to deny things anymore, I used the one thing that I was fairly sure of she would agree to right now to let me go.

"I need time," I said, slowly backing away from her, and back inside my house. I instantly felt my heart clench in my chest and the pain was making it hard to breathe. And it only made me realize the more that I really did need time, because if one thing were true, it was that Bella had fucked with my mind.

* * *

_A/N: Momma2fan, you know I love you ;)_

_Love, Ellen_


	29. Consolation

**Chapter 28: Consolation**

_Bella_

He needed time. He had simply told me that he needed _time_.

Which translates for me into; '_I don't love you like you love me but I just can't say that to you now.' _

Tears were pricking my eyes again, only thinking about the moment where he had backed away from me, leaving me behind, completely and utterly broken. I was surprised that my body could still produce tears after the amount that I had already shed today.

After I had dragged myself back into my truck, and drove back home, I once again locked myself in my room for the rest of the day, not even bothering to go downstairs to have lunch and dinner when I was expected to. I just wasn't excited to answer the obvious questions my parents would have about my state of being now. I did know that if I would ask them not to, they wouldn't ask, but they wouldn't be able to stop from looking at me with worry-filled eyes, and that would only make me feel worse. It was one thing to deal with your own hurt, but knowing and seeing first hand that you being hurt, hurts other people as well, was just too much for me to take right now.

My mom had already tried to talk to me though, right after I had come home from Edward's place, just like she had last time, but once again, I had asked her to let it go, and she had. I knew it was an unfair thing for me to do, to keep everything inside while my mother was obviously worried about me, but I just wasn't ready to tell her everything that was now flooding my mind.

I kept playing the confrontation over and over again in my mind, wondering what I could have said or done to make the outcome different, but I came up with nothing. I felt like I had done everything in my power to keep him from making this mistake, but I had failed.

For a moment I had thought that he would cave in, at multiple times even. I mean, he had put his arms around me when I had hugged him. He hadn't pushed me away at all, but still, I didn't mean enough to him to stick around.

And then when he had slipped something about 'feelings', I thought that he meant it. I thought for a moment that he, as well, felt something for me, anything. I would have been happy if it was only an ounce of what I felt for him, but after he rejected my kiss, I knew that I wasn't even that lucky.

Whatever it was that he was feeling, it wasn't enough and it wasn't what I wanted him to feel.

Another day passed, but I still couldn't find the strength to go downstairs and face the questions. I was spent, even thought I hadn't left my bed since I had come home, but my mind was working overtime. I was constantly lost in thoughts, still not able to let yesterday go.

A little knock on my door snapped me out of it again, making me come back to reality. My mom's face peeked from between the little opening before she completely entered my room.

"Bella, dear, you really have to eat something," she said, her voice laced with so much worry, that I instantly felt bad again about leaving her in the dark on what was going on with me.

She crouched down next to my bed and softly wiped away the lock of hair that stuck to my forehead.

"Oh my Bella, what's going on?" she asked, "Are you fighting with Alice or Rosalie?"

I shook my head lightly, before straightening a bit to sit up in my bed. My mom looked at me hopefully, as if she already knew that I was going to talk. I couldn't figure this out myself, so maybe my mom would know what to do. I mean, isn't that what mothers are for; to help you when you feel hopeless?

"What if… what if you _knew_ someone was making a mistake, but they refused to listen to you…? What would you do?" I asked, trying to be vague about it so she wouldn't start shooting me thousands of questions instead of answering the one I asked her.

"You know I'm horrible with advice," my mother answered with a meek smile, "but if I were in a situation like that, I wouldn't give up if it was a person I really cared about."

I nodded, even thought it wasn't really life-altering advice.

"Bella, don't be mad at me, okay?" My mother continued an apologetic look on her face suddenly, "Does this have something to do with that Cullen boy?"

I looked up at her in shock. How did she know? How on Earth could my mother know that this was about Edward? She didn't even know that I was friends with him. I had never ever told her about him, not once. Then how could she…

"Honey, I know you weren't doing homework with Alice every evening," she explained, interrupting my slight panic attack, "I had called her mother once, because you had left one of your course books at home and I wondered if you would need it to finish your homework, but Mrs. Brandon said that you weren't there and you hadn't been there in a while."

I felt my cheeks flush, feeling pretty stupid for being caught lying to my mother about where I had spent most of my evenings the past few weeks. Not that I was ashamed of being with Edward, I just felt like a naughty kid who was just caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"I'm not mad, honey, but you know you could have just told me? I would have let you spend your evenings with Edward if that was what you wanted."

"I'm sorry, mom," I choked out, really feeling bad about it all of the sudden.

She ruffled through my hair once again, showing me that she, like she had said, wasn't angry with me.

"So, is _this_ about Edward?" she asked, once again, before pointing to the enormous stack of used paper tissues that were on my floor.

I nodded, feeling my cheeks flame again.

"You like him, don't you?" Renee asked, pulling me a bit closer to her so I could rest my head on her shoulder.

I nodded, feeling like I was lying once again because I more than "liked" him. But I wasn't quite ready to tell my mother the "L"-word as that would lead to another round of questions I myself didn't even know the answer to.

"Well, then you fight for him until he tells you that he doesn't want you," Renee said forcefully, shocking me a bit by the turn she had suddenly taken. I hadn't wanted to talk to her about the whole relationship – or lack thereof – between Edward and me, I wanted advice on how to keep him in Forks. But of course, this was something I was struggling with as well, and my mom wouldn't be my mom if she hadn't figured that out yet in the few sentences I had given her. Oh well, and the bunch of tissues.

"Here," Renee said with a soft smile on her lips as she pushed my phone in my hands, "You know what to do." She pressed another kiss on my forehead before leaving my room, and leaving me once again alone with my troubled thoughts.

I knew what to do? Did I? Did I really know what to do? I toyed a bit with my phone, trying to decide whether this was a good idea or not. But then my mom's words from before rang through my head again. '_Fight for him until he tells you that he doesn't want you.'_

I quickly typed out the few thoughts that had occupied my mind for the past two days, my fingers flying over the buttons of my cell phone as I tried to put them into words.

I hit send before I could change my mind, putting my cell phone back on my nightstand to catch some sleep. Now I could only hope that he would at least send me reply.

* * *

_A/N: Momma2fan still gets all my love!_

_Love, Ellen _


	30. Realization

**Chapter 29: Realization **

_Edward_

Four days had passed since Bella had told me she loved me. Four days in which I wanted to scream from joy, but that glorious feeling was mostly followed by one of devastation, because I shouldn't be happy about it. It was just overcomplicating things I had never wanted to see complicated in the first place. I mean, look at what has already become of us. If there still was an "us"…

Two days had passed since I had last heard from her. Two days in which I had contemplated staying in Forks for the first time after her short, but emotion-filled text message, but even those plans changed again quickly. I had to leave. I had to leave for her.

I couldn't remember how many times I had already read the twelve-word text, but every time I did, I could see her tear-streaked face and pleading eyes whenever those words got through to me, but still it didn't fail to make me feel like my heart would beat out of my chest.

I picked up my phone from my bed, feeling the need to read the words I had already memorized by now one more time.

'**Please stay. Please don't fight this. I need you. I love you. B x'**

She wanted me to stay. She wanted me to give in to my feelings for her. She needed me, and the thing that made my heart speed up the most; she loved me. She hadn't lied to my mother when she had yelled those words for the first time. She had meant it all.

I put the phone back where I had picked it up and let myself fall on my bed. I closed my eyes once my head hit the pillow and cursed inwardly at what my life had become.

I had never thought for a split second that I would ever have to deal with this. I had never thought a girl would even _consider _me handsome, and now there was someone, someone I truly cared about, who wanted to be with me. _Me _of all people! I couldn't grasp that. I just couldn't. It was like a part of my brain was yelling at me that it was all a joke.

But she had made it so clear when she had pressed her lips against mine, that it wasn't a joke. She was completely serious about every word and every action. And sue me, but that moment, that split second where her soft lips were pressed against mine was one I would never forget, no matter how things would turn out in the end.

I mean, I wasn't naïve. I knew I couldn't hide in Seattle forever. I would have to come back to Forks eventually. Maybe, hopefully, by then Bella would be off to some college somewhere at the other side of the state, having new friends, new people surrounding her and maybe even someone who was worthy of her love, unlike me.

I was surprised by the stab in my heart at the thought of Bella being with someone else. It hurt. It hurt to the very core of my being.

But nonetheless, she deserved to be happy, right?

But what on Earth was I doing now then? I was letting her go, leaving her, so she could be happy, but by doing so _I_ was hurting her more than possible. I could see it, feel it in every word she had already spoken or typed out to me since I had told her I was going to leave.

I was going over my motives again. At first, I had wanted to go to Seattle because I was afraid of what I was feeling for Bella, because it would change everything between us. But now, everything was already changed. We just couldn't be friends anymore like we had been before.

So why did I have to leave then? Why should I put up the charade of going to some stupid institution that couldn't even help me, while I could be here, with Bella? She wanted it, and I wanted it…more than anything.

Everything suddenly seemed so clear in my head. I had constantly been lying to myself. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave Forks and Bella. Why would I want to leave someone who had already been able to change me in so many ways? She was my cure and by acting like this, I was running away from the only person who had every succeeded in making me happy, and making me feel like I'm worth something again.

I was being a fool by running. A scared fool who was too blind to see what an amazing gift Bella was trying to offer me. I mean, if Bella wanted to be with me, then why would I fight against it when that was all I want as well?

I threw a quick glance at the clock on my nightstand, hoping that it wasn't too late yet. 9:32PM. Fuck.

I felt like it was already too late to stop by at Bella's place, but realizing what I had only seconds ago, I couldn't wait another night to see her. I had to see her now and tell her that I wanted to stay in Forks, with her.

I jumped up from my bed, running over to my closet to find something decent to wear. For five minutes I rushed through all my clothes but nothing seemed appropriate for what I was about to do. At last, I decided that it didn't matter, because for one thing; it was already dark outside and secondly, it wasn't like Bella had ever cared about what I wore before.

I threw a quick glance in the mirror, smiling brightly when I noticed that my hair was a mess, just like she liked it.

I contemplated for a second putting in the contacts she had given me, but I ultimately decided against it. I didn't want to have any allergic reaction or anything now so I just put my glasses back and gave myself another pep talk before heading for my door. I quietly tiptoed out of my room and into the hallway, hoping that my mother wouldn't notice my sudden departure. But even if she did, I would make sure she let me go, because it was time to tell Bella that I was done running and hiding. It was time to stop lying to her and myself. It was time to show everyone the real Edward.

* * *

_A/N: Thank you all for reading and reviewing! You guys really are the best! All my love again for momma2fan for simply being amazing! Check out her stories as well, she's an amazing writer!  
_

_Love, Ellen_


	31. Change

**Chapter 30: Change**

_Bella_

I was once again tossing and turning in my bed, unable to fall asleep because of all that was going on in my pathetic life lately. Yes, pathetic; that's how Alice had named it, when she called me earlier today to ask if I wanted to come over for some girl time. You know, chick flicks and some beauty time. No, thank you! Especially not now.

She thought I was being completely and totally pathetic for not leaving the walls of my room anymore. Not that I blamed her, because she doesn't really know what's going on. I had told her some stupid lie about being sick, but of course, she wouldn't have any of it, so according to her, I was a pathetic child by doing what I did.

For a moment I had contemplated talking to my best friend about it, just telling her what had happened between Edward and me, but I was afraid of her judgmental side. What would she think about me falling for someone like Edward? I know that in the end she would be supportive, because that's who she is, but I do know that I would have to face her first to get to that stage. And then there was Rose... I shuddered at the thought of telling her, even though I knew deep inside, she was a good person as well.

But it was not like I would ever have to deal with them and this situation, because obviously, Edward didn't care about me. It had been two days since I had put my heart on my sleeve and sent him the text, but I had heard nothing from him. Not a word. Nothing.

And it stung. I could literally feel my heart fracture just by thinking about it.

I knew that he had wanted time, but this whole thing was hurting me so deeply. I had been so sure that somewhere inside he _did _feel something for me. I thought I could see it in his eyes when he had looked at me four days ago, but apparently, I had been wrong.

So I was now full out sulking, trying to pick myself up and figuring out how I was going to deal with this whole heartbreak, because yes, my heart was broken. Destroyed by someone I would have never thought was capable of it.

I threw a quick glance at my alarm clock, hoping it would be late enough to go to sleep already, because that was the only time of the day I could really get my brain to shut up. Unfortunately it wasn't even ten pm yet, so there was no way sleep would already be able to claim me anytime soon.

With another sigh, I picked up my worn copy of Wuthering Heights again, hoping to lose myself in the words and late eighteenth century England.

I had only been able to get through three pages when my phone suddenly beeped. Sighing, I picked it up, expecting another text from Alice telling me to get the flying fuck out of my bed, or something equally life-threatening. Imagine the way my heart skipped a beat when I noticed it wasn't Alice, but Edward who had obviously decided it was time to break the silence.

Holding my breath and hoping that my heart wasn't going to beat out of my chest, I opened the text message, not really knowing what to expect.

**Outside your house. Can you come down? E. **

Without giving it a second thought, I jumped out of my bed, throwing on the first sweater I could find in my room before hurrying outside as quietly as possible so I wouldn't be alerting my parents of my leaving the house.

My eyes instantly started scanning the dark surroundings outside, desperate to find his silhouette nearby. And that's when I saw him, pacing back and forth at the side of my house, looking so nervous and so Edward that I wanted to run toward him, wrap my arms around his body, and never let go. It only seemed to hit me then how much I had actually missed him over these past few days.

But still, I didn't know why he was here, so I cautiously approached him, praying to god he wasn't here to tell me goodbye.

When he noticed me, the pacing stopped and he slowly walked towards me, his expression still unreadable in the dark.

"Edward," I said quietly, releasing a breath I didn't know I was holding until then.

We just seemed to be staring at one another for minutes, neither of us moving and our breathing the only sounds, other than the soft rustle of the trees that were surrounding my house.

"I want to stay," Edward whispered suddenly, breaking the silence of the evening.

I gasped softly at this statement, my eyes immediately looking into his to find the truth behind his words. They were soft, pleading almost, as if he was begging me to stay with him.

I couldn't stop myself anymore then from lunging forward with a little sob, right into his arms. I buried my face into his chest, breathing in his musky, manly smell.

With a soft sigh, he put his arms around me and held me close, making my heart flutter with joy.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, but I know that in that moment, I never wanted to let him go.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in my hair, his voice sounding so pained it made my heart clench. I squeezed my arms tighter around his torso, wanting him to know that I didn't blame him. I had wanted to tell him with words, but it seemed as if all of the emotions made it impossible for me to speak.

"I'm sorry I fought against it. I thought it would be best for both of us, but apparently it wasn't," he spoke softly. I smiled at the realization that he didn't struggle with his words. No stutter and no tumbling over his words. And that was all because of me.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," he mumbled then, making my eyes glass over again, but this time they were tears of joy that were threatening to spill.

"Can you please forgive me?"

I looked up at him, staring into his soft green eyes before nodding. "Of course," I croaked out.

The smile that graced his face at my words could probably light up entire cities, and I quickly realized I was offering one of those smiles at him as well.

A warm feeling quickly spread all through my body, hitting every nerve along the way, making me giddy and so goddamned happy.

"I love you," I whispered, not afraid to tell him those three words some people fear, because I knew it was the truth. I loved him. I loved him with all my heart and I needed him to know.

Edward's eyes closed for a second, the smile never leaving his lips, before he crushed me to his chest again and rested his head on top of mine.

"I love you too, Bella," he said, so quietly that I almost couldn't hear it. But I had.

My tear-filled eyes shot up at him, and I could swear that he was slightly blushing now that he realized I had heard him. I giggled softly as I let my thumb graze over his left cheek, feeling a little stubble near his jaw. I pressed a light kiss against it, before pulling back again, waiting for his reaction. He just smiled one of his adorable smiles before resting his forehead against mine, staring into my eyes for the longest time through his thick rimmed glasses and making my entire body tingle with joy and happiness.

Feeling brave, and more so; craving the feel of his lips against mine again, I threw my arms around his neck, lifting me a bit so I could reach them. He dipped his head as well, almost making me squeal by doing so, and tightened his grip around my waist. The moment our lips touched, the world could have ended, and I swear, I wouldn't have noticed. His lips molded perfectly against mine, as if they were designed to meet one day. And now that day had finally come and I would do everything in my power to make sure this day wasn't the last one.

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_A/N: All my love for momma2fan 'cause she's the best beta! _

_Love, Ellen_


	32. Perfection

**Chapter 31: Perfection**

_Bella_

A lot of people, all over time and space, had already tried to define what 'perfection' is. Millions and millions of words had been used before to give 'the perfect moment' a worthy description, but as I was snuggled against Edward's side, both of our backs resting against the old oak tree next to my house, I knew that there were no words to describe 'perfection'. This was perfection in its purest form, and being in this moment made me realize that you could feel it, but I couldn't for the life of me try to explain to anyone how completely, and totally happy and careless I felt. It felt like heaven, only better. Way better.

Edward had his arm wrapped tightly my shoulder, pressing me closer to his warm body, while his thumb was softly, but rhythmically stroking my skin. Every now and then, I would feel his lips press against my temple; warm and soft, making me tingle all over my body and even deep in my soul. I would happily spend the rest of my life like this, and you would never hear me complain. Not even once.

I knew there was a lot we still had to talk about, but I just didn't want to get into the heavy stuff just yet. For a moment, I just wanted to be and not worry about anything else. I just wanted to feel this 'perfection'.

"Look at all those stars," I whispered in amazement, pointing towards the dark sky above us that was now dotted with little yellow stars. I couldn't remember another night where I had seen so many at once. It was as if they had all appeared to make this night even more magical.

He looked up, taking in the beauty of all those little lights that were brightening the sky. This truly was perfection.

"What made you decide to stay in Forks after all?" I asked, breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen upon us. I needed to know what ultimately pulled him over the line, hoping to get to know him even better, just by his answer.

"You," he simply replied, as if it was the most common thing in the world, before shooting me one of his gorgeous crooked smiles. His answer made my heart grow another size in my chest, and I was pretty sure that my ribs would crack anytime now, unable to store the huge organ that had become my heart.

"So, does your mom already know?" I asked carefully, a little afraid of the answer. I knew that Esme wouldn't be happy if she knew that Edward wanted to stay in Forks, as she has been so thrilled that he had finally agreed to some treatment after all the pleading she had already done.

"No, not yet," he said, a sad tone in his voice. I figured he wasn't looking forward to disappointing her, which I could understand completely. Even though their relationship wasn't ideal, nobody likes to see a look of disappointment on their mother's face.

"Will she be mad when you tell her?"

"Probably. But I don't actually care about that. She's always mad when I decline her proposals to go see doctors and shrinks," he said with a shrug, but he wasn't fooling me. I could see that he was acting tougher than he really felt.

"But you had already agreed to go to Seattle, so doesn't that change a lot? And weren't you already accepted as well?" I asked confused.

"Yeah," he mumbled.

For a moment he stared off in front of him, and I wondered what he was thinking. Did he only just realize that this might be a little more difficult than his usual 'no' to everything else his mom had already tried to make him agree to?

"If you can prove her that that school in Seattle can't help you, she won't send you, right?" I asked after a while, breaking the silence once again.

"I guess so," he replied, seemingly still lost in thought.

"So, you're gonna show her your notes?" I asked a little bit more excited that I should have been. I don't know why, but I kind of liked that nerdy part of him so I felt sad that he tried to hide it. He could be the next Einstein for Christ sake!

For a moment, I imagined Edward with grey hair and his tongue stuck out of his mouth, just like that famous picture of Albert Einstein Edward had in his room.

"If needed, yes," he said, pressing another kiss on my head, instantly bringing me back into the present.

"And if you don't need them to convince your mom, will you show them to anyone else anyway?"

"I don't know," he sighed.

"You should," I said softly, hoping that he wouldn't get mad at me for pushing him. I just wanted him to be able to realize his dream. I wanted him to be able to go to college and use his talents. But of course, it was still up to him. In the end, I wouldn't force him, but there was nothing wrong with a little push right? I mean, this little pushing thing had already made him agree to stay in Forks so…

We both stayed silent again after that. No words were needed, so none were spoken. All I needed was Edward's embrace, and his occasional sweet kisses.

But even though he seemed pretty reassured about this whole situation, I couldn't help but ponder over the possible outcomes of his sudden change of mind.

"Edward?" I said, breathing in his smell once more, just to soothe my nerves. He was here. He really was here.

"Mmhm." He never turned to look at me, just squeezed my arm to let me know he was listening.

"What if your mom gets really mad at you, or even me?" I asked, voicing my fear. I was afraid that when his mother found out that I was the reason Edward was staying - among the reason that he was simply too clever to go to that damned school in Seattle, but that didn't matter now – that she wouldn't allow me in their house anymore. Or worse, that I wouldn't be allowed to see Edward anymore. Just the thought of losing him again made my chest tighten. I suddenly felt like I couldn't and wouldn't survive without him anymore and it frightened me. It scared me how much I actually cared about him.

"Don't worry about it now, it'll all be fine. We'll figure it out together," he mumbled in my hair, pressing another kiss on top of my head. And just like that, all my fears and angst vanished into thin air. All I needed was him and his soothing touch and I would be more than okay.

"Together," I repeated with a sigh, snuggling impossibly closer to his side, wishing I'd never have to let go of him ever again.

* * *

_A/N: Love love love you all guys! & Momma2fan as well!_

_Love, Ellen_


	33. Convince

**Chapter 32: Convince**

_Edward_

I could already see the sun breaking its way through the horizon as I hurried back inside through the back door of my house, tiptoeing all the way up the stairs until I reached my room. I truly hoped my mother wasn't awake yet, because I didn't feel like explaining her where I had been all night long…or with whom.

A huge smile spread all over my face just thinking about the past few hours. It has all felt so surreal, like I was dreaming, but every time Bella would squeeze my waist or snuggle closer, I would be reminded that it was all so very real, and so very perfect.

God, perfect wasn't even a good enough word to describe how it felt to have Bella pressed close to my side, close enough to breathe in her strawberry and cinnamon scent. I have never been someone affectionate, but with Bella, it all seemed to come so naturally, as naturally as breathing. It was like I couldn't stop holding her, like I had to touch her in some way to make sure she really was there…with me. Holy shit! With _me…s_he really was with me now, and that thought made my heart summersault in my chest. I, Edward Cullen – professional geek and loner – had a girlfriend. Yes, I almost couldn't believe it myself.

As I closed the door behind me, breathing in relief that my mother hadn't been aware of my nightly trip, I suddenly felt the heaviness of the whole situation on my shoulders. I had tried all night to make Bella believe that everything would be alright, that my mother wouldn't let me go to Seattle if she knew I didn't want to go, but I knew all too well that there had already been a lot of arrangements made. Definite ones, unfortunately.

I just couldn't tell Bella that then. Not when we were wrapped up in one another. I didn't want to break the moment because for once, I just wanted to feel happy without having to worry about what tomorrow would bring.

When I closed the door behind me, the red numbers on my alarm clock signaled it was only a little after five in the morning, so I decided to crawl under the covers and try to still catch some sleep before I would face my mother.

If I had the option, I would postpone the conversation as long as possible, but I knew that the longer I waited, the more difficult it would be to get out of the whole thing, so I was going to be brave and just face the consequences of my decision. A decision I most definitely didn't regret.

But instead of falling asleep, I kept tossing and turning in my bed, my mind constantly going over how I could approach my mom, and how I could try to convince her to make me stay. By the time it was eight, I decided that any other attempt to get some sleep would be in vain. My brain was too occupied to let me rest so instead, I got out of bed, not bothering to tame the mess that was my hair because Bella liked it, before going downstairs.

I wasn't surprised to see that my mother was already in the kitchen, making herself a cup of coffee.

"Good morning, Edward," she almost sang, sounding really happy. I suddenly felt bad that I was going to disappoint her and obviously destroying her happiness, so for a moment I thought about waiting to announce it, but I knew I couldn't. I had to man up and just go for it.

"M-m-mom, t-t-there is s-s-somet-thing I-I'd l-l-like t-to t-talk t-to y-you ab-bout," I said, hating myself for not being able to talk fluently like I could with Bella. I had hoped that spending so much time with her might have rubbed off on me, but unfortunately, the stutter was still in full force around other people.

"Sure," she said, her smile already falling a bit. Could she sense that I was going to announce bad news? Well, bad news for her? I guess my nervousness didn't really hide it.

"I-I…" I started, already stopping to take another breath, because I couldn't seem to be able to pronounce the words. In my head I kept chanting Bella's name over and over again, to make sure I wouldn't run for the hills, and away from this conversation.

"I-I-I d-d-don't w-want t-to go t-to S-S-Seattle an-nymore," I uttered, never meeting my mother's eyes as I finally managed to croak out the words.

"What?" she exclaimed, dumbfounded. I could feel her eyes on me, demanding me to look up at her, instead of looking at my feet, but I couldn't see the disappointment in her eyes. Or even the anger.

"Edward, we have been over this, right? You said yourself that you wanted to go, that it would be good for you," she said, almost pleading now, "Are you afraid?"

I nodded slowly. I was afraid, truly terrified, in fact, but for whole other reasons then my mother probably thought. I wasn't scared for what I would have to go through at that clinic, I was afraid that I would have to leave everything, well Bella that is, behind in Forks.

"Oh honey, there is nothing to worry about," she exclaimed, awkwardly rubbing my back. God, it felt so much better when Bella did that. When Bella's hand was on my back, I wanted nothing more than to keep it there forever. My mother's hand, on the other hand, I wanted gone as quickly as possible.

"I'm-m n-not g-going," I said, a little more forceful now, hoping to make my mother understand that I really meant it.

"No, Edward, you are," she said, sounding a whole lot severer now and making me want to crawl far away from her. "We've decided this together and everything is finally working out so you're not backing out now. You're going, whether you like it or not."

"B-but m-mom-," I stated, feeling the salt water pricking behind my eyes. I wondered for a moment that maybe if I would let the waterworks come, she would feel bad for me and let me stay, but right now, I still had too much pride left.

"No 'buts', Edward," she said, a little too sweetly, "You have no reason to be afraid, everything will be okay, and I bet you'll have the time of your life there. It'll be full of children just like you."

I wanted to launch forward, grab my mother's shoulders and shake her around. I wanted to yell at her that those children wouldn't be like me and that I didn't need them. I only needed Bella.

"Life is finally gonna get better, honey, don't you see that?" she said, sounding happy again. I envied her happiness, because all I could feel at this moment was devastation. I felt like my heart was being crushed into a million little bleeding pieces.

I had to do something, I had to do something before she could leave the kitchen, and ending this conversation for good.

I gathered all my courage, breathing in and out once more before speaking up again.

"M-m-mom," I started, feeling my heart hammering in my chest as I was speaking, "I-I… I n-need t-t-to show y-you somet-t-thing."

* * *

_A/N: Love you all, love momma2fan for all the effort!_

_Love, Ellen_


	34. Web of lies

****  
_And I'm back, with a new chapter! ;)  
_

* * *

**Chapter 33: Web of lies**

_Edward_

My mother stared at me with a curious expression on her face as I opened the door to my room. She cautiously walked inside, her glance going all over the room, probably looking for something that had changed…some wall that had fallen down or anything like that.

My mother never actually entered my room, well, unless I was in there as well. I made sure that every time she was in here, she wouldn't take a peek at anything that was scattered all around the place. You know, keep up the lie and stuff. I would either let her sit on my desk chair, facing me while I was on my bed so her back was to all the papers or I would just ask her to stay in the door opening.

She had always kept her distance and that was one of the only things for which I was thankful.

But now, I was leading her towards the only place she hadn't been allowed to be for the past few years, and I could see the confusion all over her face.

I motioned my mom to go ahead and look at it. She seemed hesitant, but when I nodded another time, she finally caved in and stepped closer towards my desk.

At first, she just took in the enormous stash of paper that was scattered all around the place, but after a while she picked up one of my books. She leafed through the pages, her eyes scanning through the many notes that I had written down in the margin. I had to bite down on my lip to keep myself from smiling. I had never thought I would feel pride in showing this to my mother, but I had to admit, I did feel it. I felt proud to show her that I wasn't stupid just like she probably had always thought. I was worth something.

"Edward, what is this?" she asked confused, looking up briefly from the books to look me in the eyes.

"M-my n-notes," I said, unable to hide the pride in my voice.

She stared back at me, her face suddenly getting angry. "Don't lie to me. From whom did you take these papers?" she accused, a stern look on her face.

My smile faltered instantly. She didn't believe me? What?

"I-I-I didn't-t t-t-take t-them," I said, a huge lump already forming in my throat. I couldn't believe this. I just couldn't. For once I was telling someone the truth and now they thought I was lying?

"Edward," she chided, already putting her hands on her hips to give my name even more force.

"T-t-tell m-m-me w-which one I have t-t-to a-an-answer. I-I… I'll p-p-p-prove y-you t-that I-I can s-s-solve it," I almost yelled, running towards the papers and leafing through the book so my mother could pick an exercise. It seriously didn't matter which one she would pick, because this was just some college exercise book. I had already solved a lot more difficult ones, so I was one hundred percent sure that whatever page she opened, I would be able to explain the damn thing that was written there.

"Edward, stop this whole charade," she said angrily, slamming the book she was holding back on to my desk. I flinched at her hard tone, and backed away. "You are going to Seattle whether you like it or not. I have already talked to Doctor Hunter and he's looking forward to working with you as well. It's going to be your salvation."

"I know you're scared, Edward, but there is no need to start lying and _stealing _to make you stay," she said, her voice a little softer now, "It will all work out perfectly."

I couldn't say a thing…nothing. My words got stuck in my throat because of the anger and disappointment. She wouldn't even let me prove that I could do it. She didn't even give me a chance! I guess she no longer had faith in me, or in my abilities. I had become a victim of my own lies and it hurt. I felt like my whole world was slipping thought my fingers right that very moment.

"Make sure to give those notes back to the person they really belong to, okay?" she asked, and with that she left my room, leaving me completely dumbfounded and broken.

This hadn't been how I imaged this would go at all. This was horror, pure horror. I had never felt as trapped before as I felt now. I was trapped in my own lies.

Above the hate I now felt for my mother, a lot of hate towards myself started to seep through, as well. I wanted to hit something, anything, just to feel the sting of pain. It would ease the pain I felt in my chest, at least. But I guess I deserved it…all of it.

I should have known better. I should have never lied in the first place.

My lies were the reason that my entire life was falling apart now, and for the first time ever, I wished I could turn back time and do it all the right way.

I paced around in my room, trying to figure out what to do now, while fighting the tears that were making their way through right now. I wouldn't allow myself to cry, not over something I had gotten myself into. I should have known this whole thing would come back to bite me in the ass sooner or later.

I stared at the huge heap on my desk, hating every single page because now they were worthless. They hadn't been able to help me one tiny bit.

With a growl I lunged myself at the mess and threw it all around the room, not caring if some of them ended up torn. I was mad. Mad at my mother, mad at the entire world, but most of all, I was mad at myself.

When everything was strewn all over the floor, I still felt the huge pain in my chest, so I ended up kicking my desk until I was afraid it would break. Not that I actually would have cared if it had.

Just as I was about to attack my huge bookcase with the much too smug looking physics and math books, my cell phone vibrated, and woke me up from my rage.

I yanked the little thing out of my pocket and pushed the buttons a little too hard so I could check the new message.

**Good morning. :) Are you already awake? Thank you for last night and good luck with your mom. :D B x**

The crushing pain in my chest grew ten folded as I read Bella's words, but for some reason, they comforted me as well. Maybe it was just the happy tone to it, or the reminder of last night, I don't know, but I could feel the anger dissolve slowly.

And that's when I knew where I needed to go right now. I needed to be with Bella more than ever before. I needed her comfort and maybe even her advice. I just needed some damned support before I was going to break down everything in sight.

Not bothering to clean up the mess I made, I rushed downstairs, two steps at a time. I almost ran over my mother in the hallway who yelled something after me, but I wasn't listening anymore.

Bella. She was all that mattered now.

* * *

_A/N: Yeah, I get it, we all hate Esme. And now we hate her even more, am I right?  
But I hope you guys are still with me? Trust me? ;) I'm a firm believer of HEA's ;)_

_All of my love for all of you guys, because you're amazing! The support I get for this story is so encouraging :D I mean, god, we're close to 1000 reviews. That's like WOW! _

_Oh, Momma2fan for President! _

_**Next update: **__Monday evening (CET) but you know what to do to get it then, right? ;) _

_Love, Ellen_


	35. Earth to Bella

**Chapter 34: Earth to Bella**

_Bella_

The first thing I did when I woke up the next morning was reaching out for my cell phone and scrolling through my messages to find the one Edward has send me the night before, just to make sure I hadn't imagined everything that had happened.

A sigh of relief, and pure contentment escaped as I saw his text on top of all the rest. I let my head fall back into the cushions and enjoyed the feeling of joy that was currently coursing through my veins. Total bliss.

Even though he had only left a few hours ago, I already yearned to be with him again. I laughed at my own ridiculousness. Yes, I was going to be one of those girlfriends who would be joined at the hip with their boyfriend, but I couldn't find it in me to feel bad about it. I grinned as I typed out another message, trying to keep it as light as possible, when all I wanted to do was yell that I loved him and that he had to get his ass over here because I already missed him too much to be able to function. It was kind of scary, actually, these feelings.

When he didn't answer immediately, I figured that he might be still asleep, so I got up, still feeling pretty high on yesterday's events, as I stretched my tired muscles.

After I got dressed, I went downstairs with the intention to make myself some breakfast. My father had already left, only an hour after Edward had gone back home actually, but my mother was still home, her hair in a twist on her head and the rest of her body covered in splatters of paint as she was standing in front of her newest masterpiece. To be honest, it was hideous, but of course, I would never tell her that.

"Ooh, Bella, you're up!" she exclaimed, waving around with the paintbrush, causing some splatters to fall on the floor. I grinned at her and she broke in an even wider smile.

"Well, well, Bella, don't you look happy today," she said, playfully narrowing her eyes at me. She looked totally and completely ridiculous with the green and yellow streaks on her cheek and forehead.

"Well, dear mother, as a matter of fact, I do feel happy today," I laughed, unable to hide it.

"Tell me everything," she said excited, dropping everything that was in her hands, causing more splatters to taint the floor, before dragging me to the couch. She truly was a teenager at heart when it came to these types of things, but that's exactly why I loved her. She wasn't only my mother; she was also one of my best friends, crazy and all included.

I told her everything that had happened ever since she had left my room two days ago, even filling her in on my leaving the house last night, because I knew she would never be mad at me, now that she knew the reason. My dad on the other hand, well, it would be better if he didn't know about it, unless I would like to spend the next two weeks locked away in my room, which I didn't.

"Oh god, that's so romantic," my mother sighed, letting herself fall back into the cushions of the couch after I had finished the short rerun of everything.

"I know," I grinned, feeling fucking fantastic. I swear the smile on my lips was about to split my face in half and I hadn't felt more alive than I did now.

"I'm so happy for you, sweetie," my mother shrieked, enveloping me in one of her enthusiastic hugs. I chuckled lightly before wrapping my arms around her as well. "Thank you, Mom."

"Now if you'll excuse me, my darling daughter," she giggled – yes giggled – as she pulled back and stood up from the couch. "I still have to finish my masterpiece now that the inspiration is flowing freely. " She had tapped her index finger to her temple as she said those last words, looking totally serious, making it so hard for me to keep myself from laughing hysterically.

I was making my way to the kitchen, to make myself the before mentioned breakfast when the bell chimed loudly through our living room.

"I'll get it," I shouted at my mother, who was already in a fight with her painting supplies. I laughed at her ridiculousness once more before opening the door.

At first I wanted to scream out of joy because it was no one other than Edward himself, in his full glory – untamed hair and all – that was in front of me, but his face pulled me back to earth instantly. Something had happened. I could see it in his eyes.

"Edward, what's wrong," I asked, trying to hide the panic in my voice, but probably failing big time. I closed the door behind me and softly dragged him towards the side of our house, a little bit out of sight, even though no one was around. I put my hands on his face once we stood still, willing him to look at me. His eyes were glassed over and the pain in his eyes made mine water as well. I felt my heart break at the sight of him.

"Edward, please, talk to me, what happened?" I asked again.

"She… she won't let me stay," he finally said, his voice so breakable.

"She what?" I shouted, anger gripping me with full force as his words got through to me.

"I still have to go to Seattle," he continued in a whisper.

I felt the impact of that announcement crush my chest instantly. Like something with the size of an elephant had casually sat itself on it. So many emotions were sweeping through me; anger, devastation, sadness and of course, love.

"Show her your work, Edward," I almost pleaded, hoping that he would see that this was the key to this all. If he would just find the courage to show it, everything would be fine, right? "What bad could come out of it?"

"That she would still not let me stay," he replied blankly.

"Well, that would be just stupid."

"It still happened," he sighed in defeat, closing his eyes tight shut.

"What happened?" I asked, more confused than ever.

"I showed her, she didn't believe me and told me I had stolen them from someone so she would let me stay anyway," he explained, his voice sad and angry at the same time. "She wouldn't even give me a chance to prove her wrong."

"Well, this is just total bullshit!" I yelled, throwing my arms up in exasperation. I rushed back inside without another word, fuming all the way as I picked up my sweater before going outside again. I shouted something at my mother about being away for a while, but I couldn't be sure she had heard it. It didn't matter at the moment, she would understand later.

"Bella, what are -," Edward started when I darted past him, confusion all over his beautiful, broken features.

"I think I need to have a word with your mother."

* * *

_A/N: So, would you rather have Esme or Renee as your mom? Hard choice, I know, I know :') _

_Can't stop saying how much your response warms my heart! You're the best!  
_

_Momma2fan is my hero!_

_**Next update: **As I am moving to Germany this Saturday for four months, I have a lot of packing and arranging to do, so I don't know if between all that I'll have a lot of time to write. I promise I won't neglect you, but updates might be fewer. Don't worry, I'll try to update at least twice a week! So, the next update should definitely be up by Thursday :)  
_

_Love, Ellen_


	36. Anger

_Yay, early update! I had a writing boost last night, so here ya go! ;) _

* * *

**Chapter 35: Anger**

_Bella_

The feeling of anger hadn't disappeared one tiny bit during the drive back to Edward's place. As a matter of fact, it had actually increased ten-fold, because during that fifteen minute drive, I had had even more time to think about everything. And the more I thought about it, the more it confused me as well. I just couldn't for the life of me understand how his mother's brain worked, but I was determined to find out and work my way through it so I could make Edward stay because seriously, this was total bullshit. 'Bullshit' wasn't even a strong enough word to describe this situation.

"Bella, are you sure?" Edward asked once more as he parked his Volvo in the driveway. The look on his face screamed at me that this wasn't a good idea and that I probably shouldn't get involved, but I didn't care about what I was getting myself into. As a matter of fact, this did already concern me. If Edward left, I'd be hurt, so yes, I'd like to have a say in this all. I felt like I just needed to make his mother see the obvious before it was too late.

I nodded fiercely, before stepping out of the car, slamming the door shut behind me.

Before heading for the front door, I rushed back to Edward's side though, taking his hands in between mine and forcing him to look at me. "_Can_ I talk to your mother?" I asked, suddenly feeling bad for just deciding to go shout at his mother while I didn't even know how he felt about it. Even though I wanted nothing more than to just have a word with her, I needed to know that Edward was okay with this. Call it cheesy, but he was my first priority.

Edward remained silent, his eyes darting between the front door and me.

"Seriously, Edward, just say the word and I'm going back home, but God, I just can't watch her ruin your life because she thinks she knows what you want," I told him, "You really do want to stay here right?"

"I do," he replied in a whisper, "I really do."

"So, can I?" I asked, hoping that he would give me permission to try something. Anything.

"I'm just scared she's going to talk bad about you," he whispered, his thumb slowly gazing my cheek, "She can be really mean when someone tries to keep her from getting her way."

"I don't care what she says about me, Edward; I just want to talk some sense into her."

"I hope you can convince her then," he said, his voice weak but a smile tugging at his lips.

"I hope so too," I said, smiling back at him before pressing my lips softly against his. We both sighed at the contact before slowly pulling away from each other again. There was no time to get all sweet, even though there was nothing I wanted more than to wrap myself in Edward's arms and forget about all this drama; there was business to take care of first.

When I stepped through the front door, I could feel my heart starting to beat loudly in my chest again. I wanted to rush through the house, kick open every door to see behind which one Esme was hiding, but I managed to keep myself in control for at least that part.

Even thought the anger was still coursing through me at a rapid speed, Edward's touch had calmed me down a lot, so I knew that at least I wouldn't lunge at his mother's throat the minute I saw her.

"M-m-mom?!" Edward yelled, though there wasn't much force in his voice.

The entire house was dead silent for a while, only the sound of Edward's and my rapid breathing filling the air around us. After a few seconds, I heard a door close somewhere and then Esme came walking down the stairs, acting as if she was Miss Universe. Ugh. I hated her.

"Edward, did you call me?" she asked sweetly before noticing that I was next to her son. "Oh hello, Bella." I suddenly hated the way my name rolled off her lips, with some sort of fake Italian accent.

I shook off the nasty feeling and took a deep breath before opening my mouth.

"Mrs. Cullen," I started, figuring that being polite might actually have more effect than starting to shout from the very beginning. I mean, I could always yell and stomp my feet once this being-nice plan would fail, so... "I think you need to reconsider _your_ plans to send Edward to Seattle." _There, that was nicely put, wasn't it? Okay, maybe I shouldn't have emphasized the 'your' but I couldn't help myself. _

"And why would I do that?" she asked still in her honey sweet voice, but I could already notice the hard undertone in her voice. Yes, she knew that I wasn't going to let her have her way easily.

"Because Edward doesn't want to go," I said, more forcefully now.

"He's just a little bit scared, just like every other kid who has to change schools," she laughed a little under her breath, raking her hand to her perfectly brushed honey brown hair. Her every move seemed to annoy me and right now, it only added fuel to the fire that was already burning inside of me.

"No, he just doesn't want to go!" I nearly shouted, holding back as much as possible. I could feel Edward's hand caress mine softly, just a split second and it was enough to calm me down again. I bet his mother never even noticed, because if it weren't for the tingly feeling that shot through me, I probably wouldn't have either.

"You're not even giving him a chance," I said, a lot calmer again.

"Because there is nothing to prove," Esme said, crossing her arms in front of her. "I have a feeling that you might be involved with this whole cheating plan of his, and Bella, this isn't something I approve of."

"What would it take for you to look at his work? Five minutes? Is that seriously too much to ask?" I almost spat at her, so angry at the fact that she wouldn't even consider giving him the opportunity to show her. She rather believed that her son was a thief than that he was a genius. Talk about being fucked up.

"I've seen his work for many years," she said, causing me to frown. She knew? She knew about all this and she was still letting him go to a school for retards or something like that.

"I've seen his school grades go down slightly every year and I think that the time had come that I intervened."

Of course she would be referring to his school work. Of course! The lie that Edward had made everyone believe. I should probably hate him for it now, because this was the thing that was going to make convincing his mother nearly impossible, but I couldn't. I could never hate him because the hate I currently had for this woman in front of me was already too much for a human body to store. It was _she _who didn't want to see the truth that Edward had already offered.

"I only want the best for my son, Bella, and you, as a friend, should too," she continued, "Deep inside Edward knows that this is what he needs, so I'll be the one to show him the right direction."

"Force him in the wrong one, you mean," I whispered, my fists tightening at my sides. I had never been a violent person, but I really wanted to shake, kick, slap, whatever some sense in this woman. Wasn't Edward's expression enough to see that forcing him to Seattle wasn't the right thing to do? He looked broken, devastated and I don't know what that did to his mother, but it totally crushed my heart to see him that way.

"You don't know my boy the way I do, you didn't raise him. I know that Seattle is the best option for him and nobody will change my mind about that," she said forcefully before turning her back on us with the intention to leave the room.

"He's fucking brilliant, and you're too blind to see what a truly amazing son you have!" I yelled at her back while I silently prayed for the tears to stay away. No way was I going to let her see me breaking down. I'd rather die first.

"Young lady, you shall not talk to me this way in _my _house, do you understand?" Esme said, turning around again and pointing her index finger angrily at me. Had I crossed the line here? Well, I don't fucking care. She could yell at me all she wanted, because I knew that I wasn't the one who had fucked things up. She had.

"M-m-m-mom, p-p-please," Edward pleaded, speaking up for the first time since we had entered his house. "I-I really w-w-want t-to s-s-stay here."

For a brief moment, his eyes locked with mine and I offered him a small smile in encouragement. I know how much it took from him to speak up to his mother every time and I was glad that he had done it again. But his every attempt was always in vain.

"No, Edward, my decision is final," Esme said determined, "You _will_ leave next week on Sunday morning, as we have already discussed before. End of discussion."

And with those words, she left the room.

* * *

_A/N: No, not even Bella can defeat the monster… _

_**Next update: **__I have no idea at all when I'll be able to update, tomorrow I have to babysit, Friday is my last evening at home so I probably won't be able to update as well, and then Saturday morning I leave for Germany. I'll be on my own there Sunday evening, so I think you can expect your update then… I'm sorry. _

_Love to all of you and momma2fan, Ellen_


	37. Acceptance

**Chapter 36: Acceptance**

_Edward_

Seeing Bella argue with my mother might have been one of the most terrifying moments in my life, and that's a lot to come from someone who has experienced a life threatening car crash.

To be honest, I _had_ wanted Bella to yell at my mother. In fact, I had really needed her to. I needed her to say all the words like I had them in my head for so long, but with enough force and without the goddamned stutter!

And she had done that exactly. She had thrown herself in front of the lioness, showing no fear of being snapped at and I loved her even more for it. She was fighting for me…fighting for us.

But even though she was so determined and her arguments made so much more sense than my mother's did, she hadn't been able to change a damn thing about this fucked-up situation. My mother was just being totally and completely irrational and there wasn't anything anyone could do about it now. The decision had been made and there was no going back on it anymore.

For the first time since I had realized that going away from Forks would be the biggest mistake, I feared that I had no option to stay anymore. I would have to go. My mother had been clear as goddamned crystal. There was no arguing with her anymore; I was going to Seattle whether I liked it or not.

Defeated and feeling the pain shoot through my entire body, I walked back outside, leaving Bella in the hallway because I was too much of a pussy to let her see me this way. I had to clench my teeth together to keep myself from breaking down right where I was standing.

I took a seat on our porch steps, burying my head in my hands to hide the emotions that were taking over my body. Everything hurt, every single nerve in my body screamed in pain, but there wasn't a goddamned thing I could do to stop this torture.

Only seconds later, Bella walked outside as well, closing the front door behind her with a soft click. She remained silent but let herself slide down on the steps next to me. Her hand slowly rubbed my back in what was supposed to be comforting motion but it didn't help one tiny bit at the moment. Her usually so soothing touch now only reminded me of what I was going to have to let go of in just a few days. Sobs started erupt out of my chest, making my shoulders heave, as I came to terms with the fact that there was no way back.

I heard Bella sniffle next to me as well, and it felt like another big, fat stab in my heart. I was hurting her.

I don't know how long we stayed there, just letting it all seep through without speaking a single word.

Suddenly, Bella shifted wildly, turning her whole body around so she was facing me now. "Edward, we should find a way to show her that you don't stutter around me anymore," she exclaimed, sounding so enthusiastic.

"How?" I asked weakly, looking up at her for the first time since we had come outside. I totally and completely approved of her plan but I was also being realistic enough to know that it would be impossible to prove it. "I can only speak normally when you're around," I sighed in defeat, "Whenever someone else joins the conversation, I just close down, you know that."

"Can't we record anything?" she suggested. I could almost see all the wheels spinning in her head, trying to come up with another plan to work this out. I loved the effort she was putting into this, but it was useless. I was useless.

"I don't think so," I said, shaking my head. "When I know that someone will hear it eventually, it has the same effect as if that person would be in the room."

"I could try to record you when you're unaware of it?" she suggested, almost bouncing up and down. But I was nowhere near that enthusiastic. I was starting to be realistic about this all.

"It's hopeless," I sighed, dropping my head in defeat as my hands started pulling on my hair.

She carefully put her hands around my face, pulling me towards her and forcing me to look into her eyes, her beautiful brown doe eyes. "Edward, it's not hopeless. You can't give up! I swear this might work."

I shook my head that was still between her delicate hands. It wasn't going to work. Nothing was.

"And what if we get it recorded? What if we let her listen to it?" I explained, "I bet she would say we took it to some studio and digitally changed it so it would sound right."

Bella's eyes glassed over again as she probably realized I was right. There was no way I was going to convince my mother to let me stay. Even if I had another solid argument, she would find a way to make it worthless. Just like me.

"So, are you really going then?" she asked, her voice sounding like it could break every second, just like my heart.

"I guess I have no other choice," I said, nearly choking over my words because of the huge lump that had formed again in my throat.

It was hard, so goddamned hard, but I think it was about time that we both came to terms with the fact that I was indeed leaving. There was nothing that could be done anymore to convince my mother, as she had told us so clearly.

A tear slid down Bella's cheek and I instantly reached out to wipe it away with my thumb. My heart clenched at the sight of my Bella hurt because of _my_ stupidity.

This _was _entirely my fault; no one other than me was responsible for the hurt we were both feeling now.

I should have never agreed to go to Seattle in the first place. No, in fact, I never should have kept my interest in math and science a secret all this time. So yes, this all was my stupid fucking fault and maybe I even deserved it to feel broken over this as a punishment.

And though _I_ deserved it, Bella sure as hell didn't. She was the most honest, caring person I had ever met, and someone like her deserves only the best in life. I had failed once again to give her that, even though I had told myself I would do anything in my power to be someone worthy of her love.

"We'll get through this right?" she whispered softly, breaking me out of my miserable thoughts.

"I promise," I said, not even knowing if it was true, but I couldn't _not_ promise her. These were our lifelines, and I couldn't just cut them now we both needed them the most. She nodded slowly before scooting closer to me and resting her head against my shoulder. In a reflex, I instantly put my arm around her, pressing her closer to my side, where she belonged.

"I promise," I whispered once again, hoping that this would be a promise I would be able to keep.

* * *

_A/N: Yeah, not what you guys wanted, I guess… But believe me, it'll all end up right in the end :)_

_I love you all for reviewing and everything else, 'cause damn, I've reached 1,000 reviews! YAY! _

_Lots of love for momma2fan 'cause she's an amazing beta_

_**Next update: **__Well, much to my anger, my internet connection in Germany is pretty shitty, especially in the evening… I'll _try _to update Tuesday, but I can't make any promise 'cause of the damn connection… But I promise, I'll do whatever it takes to finish this story :)_

_Love, Ellen_


	38. One Last Night

**Chapter 37: One last night**

_Bella_

This was it. This has, without a doubt, been my biggest fear ever since I had realized that I loved him. I was losing him. I was losing my Edward before I even had the chance to really be with him.

Tomorrow morning I would have to say goodbye and just the thought of having to actually let him go was making me tear up instantly. I couldn't do it.

I was heavily sobbing in my pillow, hoping that by letting the tears flow freely, the pain in my chest would become less prominent. But it didn't. It never did. It hurt every time I thought about it.

For the past few days, I had cried myself to sleep every single night, hoping that when I would wake up the next day, I would realize that it was all some stupid nightmare.

But every morning, reality would hit me with full force, reminding me that I was really living in this hell and that there was no escaping. He really was leaving.

In an attempt to take in as much Edward as I could – yes, call me pathetic, I don't care -, I had spent my every waking hour with him. I didn't care what we did, or where we were, but I just needed to be close and it seemed like he needed it just as much as I did.

All these days, I had deliberately ignored Alice and Rosalie because I hadn't been ready for their judgment yet. And besides, they were too busy fawning over their new boyfriends as well. Apparently they had met two totally swoon worthy guys at a party last weekend and according to Rosalie, Alice was already planning her wedding. Yes, I did _read _their text messages; I only wasn't ready to throw myself completely into their madness. I would deal with them once Edward had left.

Which would be tomorrow…only nine more hours before he would be gone for god knows how long.

I sat up in my bed again, feeling the wetness on my cheeks, but not caring to wipe the tears away because they would be replaced instantly anyway. I couldn't sleep at all. Not now that I had realized how little time there was actually left. Nine hours. 540 minutes. 32.400 seconds.

And I was spending them crying in my bed. We were spending our last hours that we could be together, apart. That realization hit me with full force and suddenly I couldn't stop myself anymore.

Without giving it a second thought, I jumped out of bed and threw on the first pair of jeans and the first sweater I could find in my room. I rushed outside, not even caring if I woke my mom and dad by being too loud. I just had to get out of here. I just had to get to Edward because if not, these feelings would suffocate me.

Once I was sitting behind the wheel of my truck, I took a few deep breathes, knowing that I wouldn't be able to see a damn thing while driving, because the tears were still blinding my vision. I wiped them away as much as I could before hitting the road. The drive seemed to take forever even though my truck was already protesting loudly at the speed I was forcing it to go at.

When I had finally arrived, I quickly parked my car on the curb in front of Edward's house, not even caring if it was parked neatly, before rushing to the front door. I skidded to a halt when I had reached the porch, realizing that I just couldn't go ring the doorbell. It would be really goddamned awkward if his mother would open that door, I tell you.

I thanked myself silently for pocketing my cell phone before leaving so I could at least send him a text to meet me downstairs, just like he had done a few days before.

The memory of that night made me smile weakly. I wanted nothing more than to go back to that happy, carefree moment where we thought that there was no way Edward would leave Forks. We had been fools. Fools blinded by love.

"Bella?" I heard a soft voice calling from my right side, snapping my eyes away from my cell phone.

My head turned toward the noise in surprise, forgetting about the text all together because apparently it wasn't necessary anymore. When I saw Edward sitting on the porch swing, I couldn't control myself anymore. I lunged myself into his arms, letting the tears flow freely again.

Edward's hold on me was just as desperate as mine and I quickly realized that he as well, had been crying. Not that I would ever comment on that, because even though he was different than any other guy I had ever met before, being caught crying doesn't really feed any man's ego.

"What are you doing here," he whispered with a hoarse voice. _He really had been crying._

"I had to see you," I said against his chest, "I needed to be with you."

Edward didn't reply he just shifted in his seat so we were both more comfortable in each other's arms. He understood my need to be close and by the way he was holding me I could tell that he needed it just as much as I did.

I don't know how long we stayed like that; just holding on to each other in silence, but it was as if I could literally hear the seconds tick away. It was like a time bomb. It would explode in just a few hours, and the consequences were still unclear. There would be a lot of pain and tears, but the impact of the explosion was something that wasn't known yet and I feared it. I feared it more than anything.

"Edward?" I suddenly mumbled, realizing that there was one thing that I needed him to promise me before he left. It would be my lifeline, my little line of hope that he would come home soon.

"Mmhm," he murmured, his lips pressing softly in my hair. It was such a small gesture but every time he kissed me so softly like that, my heart would speed up and grow in size until I would find it hard to breathe.

"Promise me that you'll try to prove those doctors of your abilities," I said, lifting my head from his chest so I could look him in the eyes.

"I promise," he said sincerely, giving me another one of those heart stopping kisses on my forehead.

"I just need you back home as soon as possible," I confessed, snuggling back into his chest and breathing in his perfume. All Edward.

"I'll do whatever I can," he said, his voice holding so much promise that I found myself being hopeful that maybe he'd be back sooner than we both thought.

Silence surrounded us against, but apparently something that had been said had made Edward tense up. I could feel it roll off of him in waves and to be honest, it scared me. I was just about to ask him what was bothering him, before he spoke up himself.

"I really promise I'll try my best to get out there as soon as possible, Bella, but know that I don't expect you to wait for me if it takes too long," he whispered into the dark night, his voice so breakable that it was obvious that he was fighting the tears once again.

"What?" I choked out, shocked at his suggestion. "You don't want me to wait or…?"

I was sitting right up again, needing to see his face as he voiced whatever words he was going to say. I couldn't believe this. I couldn't believe that _this_ would be our last hours.

"Of course I want you to," he said instantly, pulling me back against his body. His finger slowly traced my spine and the soft touch caused me to shiver. "There is nothing in the world I want more, but I can't force you to put your life on hold because I was so stupid to get myself wrapped up in this mess."

"Edward, you don't have to force me, because I'll wait anyway," I sighed. I was shocked that he would even think about me letting go of him now that I finally had him. I know that this wasn't an ideal situation and neither of us had signed up for this, but that doesn't mean that I was just going to give up on him and get involved with the first teenage boy that would cross my path. No, thank you very much.

"I love you, Edward Cullen" I added, gazing into his eyes so he would see the love I held for him, "And your leaving now isn't going to change anything about that. I'll always love you."

He smiled softly at me, the tension leaving his body just as quickly as it had come, before pressing one of his tender kisses on my forehead. I sighed before kissing him right over his heart that was now beating firmly in his chest.

"As I will always love you," he added, "But I still don't expect anything from you."

I groaned in annoyance, knowing that Edward was one hell of a stubborn guy, but I was just as stubborn. I knew that nothing would change and I hope that he knew as well, but that he was just saying what he thought was needed. Stupid boy. Stupid incredible boy, though.

I snuggled closer to him, wrapping my arms around him in a tight hug in a motion to show him just how very much I loved him.

I didn't know how late it was by now, but I could feel my eyelids growing heavier and heavier. I fought the sleep with all my power, because I didn't want to miss out a single moment with Edward before he would be taken away from me. But when he softly started humming an unfamiliar tune in my ear, I knew I was done for. I fell asleep wrapped up in his arms and the lovely melody that made me think of all the happy moments we had had together.

* * *

_A/N: Don't hate me. Please?_

_Thank you all for reading and reviewing and recommending etc :D And all of my love for momma2fan_

_**Next update: **__Friday or maybe Thursday if you can reach the review goal of 30 ;) I'm pretty busy but if you give me enough support, I want to do the extra effort ;)_

_Love, Ellen_


	39. Goodbye

**Chapter 38: Goodbye**

_Edward_

I sighed deeply as I saw the sky in front of me slowly turning from its nightly dark color to the lighter blue that had some orange woven through it. Dawn was breaking and there was no way I was ready for it yet. I would never be.

My finger caressed Bella's hand that was resting on her stomach, going slightly up and down with every breathe she took. She was still very much asleep and I couldn't find it in me to wake her up even though I wanted to so much. I knew these were our last moments together and I was fairly sure Bella would be pissed at me that I had let her spend them unconsciously, but she looked so peaceful sleeping in my arms and I didn't want to wake her to the fucked-up reality that we were living in right now.

But apparently, the peacefulness didn't last forever, even in her sleep, because Bella suddenly started squirming in my arms, murmuring some unintelligible words. Her face contorted in agony and I just couldn't bear to see her that way.

With my index finger I softly stroked her cheek, hoping that she would wake up under my touch. "Bella," I whispered, "Wake up, Bella."

She thrashed a bit more, before her eyes slowly opened, her sleepy brown eyes staring right into mine. A soft smile played on her lips and I could resist pressing mine against her, feeling the softness and tasting the sweetness that is Bella. Yes, even in the morning, she tasted sweet!

She sighed against my lips and her hand wove through my hair.

"Mornin'," I said once we had pulled away from each other again. My hand was still caressing her back and her arms as I found myself unable to stop touching her.

She mumbled something in return, before grabbing my wrist to check my watch. Her eyes widened in surprise and fear as she realized how late it already was. In less than an hour, I would be leaving, but honestly, that was the last thing I wanted to think about right now. I just wanted to enjoy this moment for a while longer without having to worry about everything else.

"Why didn't you wake me sooner," Bella complained, hurt visible all over her face.

"I'm sorry, but you looked so peaceful," I said, "I just couldn't bear to wake you up then."

"You should have," she whispered, tears forming in her eyes.

I pressed her petite body closer to mine again, trying to comfort her, but knowing that nothing would help now. Nothing would make the pain go away.

We spent the next minutes in complete silence, knowing that no words were needed anymore. Everything was said and done and all we could do now is enjoy our last moment together before all hell would break lose.

"Edward?"

Talk about hell, by the way.

I looked up, and then toward the front door, feeling the anger boil under my skin again. My mother was calling out for me from inside, obviously wondering where I had gone to. I couldn't help but laugh at the image of my mother finding my bed empty this morning.

When my name resonated all over the house again, Bella looked at me, panic visible in her beautiful brown eyes. I kissed her forehead, letting her know that there was nothing to worry about. Sure, my mother would be mad when she realized I was outside, with Bella, instead of in my bed, but what would she do; send me away? I snorted at the fact that there was nothing she could threaten me with as she had already taken away everything.

"Edward, I swear, if you-"

My mother's sentence was broken off as she rushed outside and noticed me in the porch swing, my arms wrapped tightly around Bella because it seemed as if she was close to taking some distance. No way!

"What the hell are you doing outside?" she snapped at me, "I need you ready in fifteen minutes!"

"I-I am-m r-ready," I snapped back, glaring at her along the way. Over the past few days I had become a pro at showing my mother how much I hated her. I could see that my behavior affected her even though she would never comment on it.

"You're going like that?" she asked, her hands on her hips in an attempt to intimidate me. _Like that worked._

I nodded forcefully after checking my clothes. I was wearing an old grey sweater and some sweat pants, so obviously my mother would comment on it. I gave her another stinky eye, knowing that if she would say something, I would happily use the excuse that all my other clothes were already packed and inside the trunk of the car with all of my other stuff.

But to my biggest shock, she didn't force me to get changed into something more decent. I guess the look on my face must have said enough. With a huff, she turned around, going back inside to do whatever the hell she thought was still needed before we would leave and destroy my life at the same time.

Only five minutes later she appeared, wearing her coat and clutching her bag in her left hand as she locked the front door.

"Come on, get in the car," she said, obviously pissed at my little stunt. Not that I cared. She walked down the steps, already halfway down the hallway when she yelled my name again.

Bella unwrapped herself from me, her eyes already filling with tears. We both got up from the porch swing as slowly as possible because we knew these were our last seconds.

"I love you, Bella, I love you so much," I whispered, wrapping my arms around her, wishing I would never have to let go of her.

"I love you, Edward," she whimpered against my chest. I knew that there were no more words needed. And there was no way in hell I was going to utter the word 'goodbye'. This wasn't a goodbye.

"I'll see you soon," I promised, kissing her soft lips one last time, trying to memorize all the feelings that coursed through my body at her touch.

And with that, I walked away towards the car on the curb, forcing myself not to look back at the beautiful girl I was leaving behind on my porch steps, to keep myself from breaking apart. I had to stay strong. I had to…for her.

As I reached the car, ready to get it and drive away to what would now be my life, everything suddenly seemed to hit me with full force. I really _had_ just said goodbye to Bella for god knows how long. If I couldn't convince the doctors of my abilities, I would be stuck there for longer than I even wanted to consider. Maybe by the time they would allow me to go home for a few days, she would already be off to college, making new friends like I had wanted her to when I had made the stupid decision to agree to this treatment. I didn't want that anymore.

The thought of Bella with someone else, made my heart crumble. She was supposed to be mine. She was _mine, _goddamned.

I had to… I had to tell her, do something, anything, to keep her mine forever, because the thought of not having her by side was just too much to bear.

I quickly turned around, ignoring the angry shouts of my mother as I ran back towards the porch where _my _Bella was still seated. Her beautiful face was wet with tears, all glistening in the early morning light. A glint of shock, relief and confusion was visible in her eyes as she saw me approaching.

I ran up to her, wrapping my arms around her and letting the waterworks out in front of her for the first time. I didn't care if she saw it, because this girl, this girl owned me. Everything, my heart, my mind, and my entire body, but most importantly, my soul. It was all hers and I would never belong to anyone else. I knew deep down inside that I would never love anyone the way I loved Bella.

"Please wait for me," I whispered desperately, throwing all my good intentions I had had last night out of the window. It may be a selfish thing to do, but I just needed to have some certainty that she would still be here when I came back, whenever that would be. I needed my own lifeline.

"Of course, Edward, of course," she cried against my shoulder, her hand fisting my shirt tightly.

I pulled away slowly, my heart breaking over and over again as I did so, to look her in the eyes. Just as I raised my hand to wipe away her tears, she did the same, causing us both to laugh. It didn't sound right though. It wasn't the kind of laugh that made you happy.

"Go," she whispered after swallowing the lump in her throat. "I wouldn't want you to be late." She once again tried to smile, but she couldn't fool me. I knew how much it hurt.

"I'll call you as soon as they let me," I promised, pressing my lips against hers one more time before walking back toward the car. It still didn't feel right, but knowing that she would wait for me, made it a little more bearable.

Completely ignoring my mother and the angry glares she was shooting me, I got in the car, hoping that the next few hours would pass in silence because I totally wasn't in the mood for some chit chat with my mother.

Fortunately, she didn't say a single word as she started the car and instantly hit the road. I took a deep breath as I looked over my shoulder for the last time, seeing the girl that had captured my heart faster than I thought humanly possible become smaller and smaller until she was almost invisible in the scenery.

With every mile we drove, the pain in my chest became bigger and the closer we got to Seattle, the more I realized that this was going to be a lot harder than I had expected it to be.

It was going to be hell.

* * *

_A/N: I'm really sorry to break it for you guys, but yes, Edward is gone… _

_It's essential to the story, so please don't hate me! Everything will be fine in the end and I'll get through this as quickly as possible :) So, stick with me for a while longer? Please?  
_

_Momma2fan gets all my love, well, and you guys as well! The response is exceeding all of my expectations!  
_

_**Next update: **__I am pretty busy but if you can show me enough love, I'll show you some love as well and update on Saturday :D _

_Love, Ellen_


	40. Gone

**Chapter 39: Gone**

_Bella_

I could feel the tears streaming down my face as I watched the car drive away from me, getting smaller and smaller until it was completely out of sight. He was gone. He really was gone now.

My arms were wrapped tight around my body, in an attempt to keep myself from falling apart right in the middle of Edward's driveway. I felt as if there was a huge hole punched through my chest, leaving me empty inside, without a beating heart. It hurt. Every part of my body hurt in a way I had never experienced before.

I can't remember how I got back home, but apparently I did, because right now, I was lying in bed, my head buried in my pillow to keep the heavy sobs from resonating through the entire house. It wasn't that anyone would hear it, as both my parents weren't home, but still…

I guess I'd rather suffer in silence.

I don't know for how long I just stayed that way, not moving, just crying soundlessly, until suddenly my ringtone broke the silence. I instantly reached for it, remembering Edward's promise to call as soon as he could.

"Edward?" I said my hoarse voice full of hope.

"Err, no," a high pitched voice sounded on the other side of the line, making my slightly better mood fall instantly. It wasn't Edward. I already hated myself for not checking the caller's ID before answering, because honestly, I wasn't really in the mood to talk to Alice and her ever so chipper mood.

"I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else," I croaked out, once again fighting the tears that were threatening to fall because of this disappointment.

"Obviously," she said, her voice sounding annoyed. "You know, Bella, it's one thing that you're obviously ignoring Rose and me, but it's another thing when you're keeping stuff from us that is affecting you."

I remained silent, not knowing how to answer her. She was right. She was one hundred percent right. I was ignoring them and I was hiding things from them. So much for being a good friend.

"Bella, I know that I can be a little too much to handle sometimes, but you know that whenever something serious is going on, that I'm here for you, right?" She suddenly sounded worried, as if my silence had told her enough.

I hated myself, I hated myself so much for doing that to them, because they _were _my best friends and if I wasn't going to be careful I would lose them as well. No Edward. No Alice. No Rosalie. The thought alone already sent another wave of pain through me that made me tear up again.

"I'm so sorry," I sobbed, burying my head in my hands.

"Oh, God! Bella, are you okay?" Alice said her voice filled with worry.

I shook my head, not realizing that she was unable to see it, but I guess silence worked as an answer as well.

"Bella, I'm coming right now, okay?" she told me, "Bella?"

"O-okay," I croaked out, knowing that I would have to face them once anyway. Spring break wouldn't last forever and I honestly didn't want to lose my friends. So what better time than now to get it over with?

"I'll be there in five minutes," she said hurriedly and I could hear her rushing around her house in the background, "Five minutes, Bella, five minutes!" And with that she ended the call.

I was suddenly nervous, my entire body alert at what would be coming at me. Was I really ready to tell Alice the whole deal?

The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that this was the best thing to do. I was ready.

Suddenly, I felt the overwhelming need to talk to someone, anyone, because I didn't want to be one of those girls who locked themselves away instead of dealing with stuff.

I didn't know how Alice would react, but I hoped that she would at least try to see reason.

Exactly four minutes and forty seven seconds later – not that I was staring at the clock or anything - the doorbell rang. I took a deep breath and made my way downstairs.

When I opened the door, Alice flung herself into my arms, taking my completely by surprise.

"Oh Bella," she breathed, tightening her grip around me. "Are you okay?" she asked concerned as she noticed my red, puffy eyes once she had released me.

I felt another wave of tears trying to make their way out and my expression must have told Alice just as much because before I could reply, she had her arms wrapped around me again.

"Talk to me, Bella, please. It's driving me insane," she whispered.

I nodded weakly, wiping away a tear that had managed to escape.

We took our seats on the couch, our bodies angled towards each other. Alice quickly took my hands between hers and I must say, it comforted me more than I thought possible.

"So… I guess this is about Edward?" she said, when I still hadn't said anything for a few seconds.

My head snapped up in confusion and my heart started beating faster in my chest. How much did Alice already know? Had someone told her about Edward?

"No, Bella, I just… Well, you answered your phone and when you heard it wasn't Edward, you seemed silent again and sort of disappointed, and I just… I thought that, you know..."

Oh.

"He's gone," I managed to choke out, hoping that Alice would at least understand what I was mumbling.

"Edward?" she asked confused.

I nodded once again, feeling my chest constrict at the mentioning of his name. God, why was I so pathetic? I mean, it's not as if we broke up. He had just moved to some stupid institute in Seattle for crying out loud and there would be a way in which he could contact me. But still, the fact that I couldn't see him or couldn't touch him made all the difference. He wasn't with me, and that was more than enough to make me fall apart.

For the next hour, I tried to explain Alice everything, between sobs and hiccups. The further I got in the story, the more I felt like some heavy weight was falling off my shoulders. I really had been ready to talk to her. More even, I had needed it.

"Oh Bella, why didn't you just tell us sooner?" Alice said, her expression pained, as I ended the story with what had happened this morning.

"I don't know," I answered honestly, "I guess I was scared of the way you would react."

"Oh honey, of course this is something unusual, I mean, I never thought you would end up with Edward Cullen, but did you really think we'd love you less because of it?"

Now that she said it, it indeed seemed totally absurd, but I guess my insecure self had clouded my realistic mind.

"I'm sorry," I said again, because I really was. I was sorry for ignoring them, sorry for keeping something like this from them, but most of all, I was sorry for worrying them, because it was visible in Alice's eyes that they had been worried about me.

"Just promise you'll tell us next time," she said, wrapping her arms around me once again.

"I promise."

"Now, at least I'm glad you aren't hanging out with Mike Newton, as we both thought," Alice laughed, scrunching up her nose as she said it.

A shill travelled all the way through my spine at the mentioning of Mike's name and him being involved with me. Over my dead body.

"I would rather die than be associated with Mike in any way," I said disgusted. Seriously though.

"Well, you did do a good number on him a few weeks ago," Alice grinned at me.

"That I did," I said proudly, remembering the look on Mike's face as my knee had connected with his groin. I hope he could still feel the pain. He deserved it.

"The reason you did it now makes a lot more sense," Alice said, a light smile playing on her lips.

I tried to smile back at her, but it probably looked as fake as Tanya Denali – head cheerleader of Fork's high schools - nose. Very fake, indeed.

"Bella, everything will be okay, I promise you. He'll be back before you know it," Alice whispered, taking my hands back in hers in a comforting motion. And that's why I loved Alice. She knew me more than anyone else and knew exactly what I needed to hear.

"I just miss him already," I said, my voice barely louder than a whisper.

"I know you do, honey, I know you do."

Her arms wrapped around my shoulders again and we stayed like that for what seemed like forever. I didn't want to let go, because honestly, it felt good to have Alice's support. And I knew now Alice was at my side, so would Rose, eventually.

"So… what is that about a certain guy named Jasper," I said with a little grin after a while, feeling like I should be a good friend now as well. And honestly I had been a little curious as well.

Alice entire face lit up, just at the mentioning of his name and before I could even smile at her enthusiasm, she started rambling on and on about how great he was and how he was the perfect guy for her. Usually I would be slightly annoyed at her non-stop rambling, but right now, it felt good to lose myself in some else's life so I could forget for just one moment how shitty mine was.

* * *

_A/N: Yeah, bonding time between Alice and Bella :) That's one of the many reasons Edward "had" to leave :) _

_Thank you, everyone, really! _

_Oh, and I haven't put a disclaimer here in a while, but hey, you guys know I don't own Twilight right? I could only wish :')_

_**Next update: **__Monday evening if you give me enough love, of course! 'cause I might go out on Monday with my new international friends, so I don't know when I'll be back, so if you give me enough love, I might start up my computer once I'm back to upload a new chapter for you! Yay_

_Love, Ellen_


	41. White hell

**Chapter 40: White hell**

_Edward_

From the moment my mother drove onto the property of the stupid institution, I instantly knew that the building in front of me wasn't a school.

Not at all.

I was staring at a huge, white rectangular construction, one that looked very clinical and clean, even from the outside. Definitely no school.

Yup, I already hated it. Stupid white buildings.

When we approached the entrance, I suddenly noticed the big letters that were put up above the door.

'**Seattle Trauma Centre' **

_School, my ass_

But because there was nothing I could change about it now, I followed my mother into the building of hell like a good duckling, feeling totally out of place. I didn't belong here, that much was clear.

My mother, on the other hand, was looking as if she had just won the lottery. _Great._

The inside of the building was just as white as the outside. White marble floors, huge white walls and every piece of furniture that occupied the big hall seemed to be white as well. It made me even more depressed than I already was. Every color was sucked out of this room, and that was exactly how I felt about my life now. Every color, everything that made my life brighter was just gone.

"Good morning," my mother literally sang to the blonde lady at the reception, "My son, Edward Cullen has arrived. We have an appointment with Dr Hunter as well."

Why was it that everything my mother said annoyed me now? 'Has arrived'? Seriously? I was _this _close to rolling my eyes at her.

"Sure, Mrs. Cullen, Dr. Hunter will be with you in a minute. You can take a seat there," she said in a voice just as sweet as my mothers had been as she pointed towards the few chairs that were against the wall, neatly in line. White chairs of course, what else!

The silence that fell then was almost hurtful. The only sound that broke this deadly quiet was the lady at the reception scribbling something down every once in a while. There was no music playing, no laughter in the distance, nothing.

"Mrs. Cullen?"

My head snapped up in the direction of the manly voice that was coming towards us from the left hallway. We both watched as who I assumed was Dr. Hunter approached us with a smile that made me want to crawl under the chair. Creep.

He was wearing a white doctor's jacket – yes white, what a shock - and his long blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail at the nape of his neck.

Call it intuition, but I didn't trust the man one bit.

"Dr. Hunter," my mother exclaimed in her ever so happy tone. For a moment, I wanted to strangle her because of her annoying mood. Couldn't she see that I was hurting here?

"If you will follow me," Dr. Hunter said, his smile never faltering as he led us through the boring white corridor toward his office.

He took a seat behind his desk, leafing through some folders until he had obviously found what he was looking for. When I noticed my name in black marker on the front, I figured that that thing there must be my file. _Great, I already had a file. _

"So," Dr. Hunter said, going through all the papers inside the map, "Car accident trauma?"

He shot me a sympathetic look as he spoke the words, making me glare at him. I would have never done that before. Ever, but knowing that I had nothing to lose and that I had so much more at home made me kind of a rebel.

Don't worry, I didn't intend on burning down the building, but I wasn't planning on doing everything they told me to do without showing them my disapproval.

Mr. Hunter was obviously surprised by my reaction and instantly averted his eyes back to my mother who confirmed the accident.

For the rest of the appointment, my mother and Dr. Creep - as I now like to call him – kept talking about what had happened and the change in my behavior because of it all. I remained silent during the entire conversation, not feeling the need to share anything with this man in front of me. I had a slight feeling that in the future, I would have to spend more time with him than I liked. _Oh joy, the vision. _

"So, would you like to see your room now?" Dr Creep asked, looking at me again for the first time.

I wanted to make a comment about it being white, but knowing that my stuttering abilities would probably make me sound stupid, I kept my mouth tightly shut.

My mother on the other hand started clapping her hands enthusiastically as she already shot out of her seat. _Great._

And that's where I was now, in my new room, a quadrangle space in which I could walk from one side to the other in only five normal steps. There was just a bed, a desk and a wardrobe in the otherwise empty room, but still, it felt claustrophobic.

I had been left alone for the first time since we had arrived and I could already feel that soon all of the weight of the situation would come crashing down on my shoulders. It instantly made me realize that the time when I would be alone here would be the hardest, but still, I would chose it anytime over being with my traitor mother and the Creep. They had just left me on my own to go sign some stupid contracts, saying I should take a good look around in my new "home".

There was nothing homey about this room. Even our house in Forks was homier than this room here, and that's a lot to say.

As I had expected, the walls and the floor were white and so where the sheets on my bed. Luckily the comforter on top of those sheets was black and the furniture was some bleached wood, but still, it was all a lot too white and too clean in my opinion.

I couldn't wait 'til my bags would be brought up here so I could make it somewhat homier with my mess. I craved for my guitar at this moment and thanked the lord that my mother had allowed me to pack it. At least she had noticed over the years that it was somewhat therapeutic to me, otherwise I would have never been allowed to take it with me.

A few minutes later, my mother came back into the room, taking a seat next to me on my bed. She remained silent for a while, looking at every corner of the room, but never at me.

"So, Edward, I'm leaving now, honey," she then said, her voice still honey sweet, "James – Dr. Hunter – will be with you in about an hour to run some tests. They'll have your bags up here soon enough so you can unpack and get used to the room. Sounds good right?"

I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes. I didn't sound good to me. Not at all. _Run some tests. Tsss…_

"Be a good boy, okay?" she said, as if I were only five years old, as she stood up to walk towards the door.

I scoffed at her demand, knowing that at least I wouldn't sound weak when I scoffed as to when I would open my mouth to say something.

"Don't be like this, do you hear me?!" She was raising her voice now, once again. I had acclimated very well to that over the last few days, so it honestly did nothing to me anymore. "You can consider yourself lucky that Dr. Hunter himself is willing to take you under his care, so you're going to behave and do whatever he asks you to do. Do you understand?"

I gave her another angry glare before muttering something that sound have sounded like a firm 'whatever' but came out as "w-w-w-whate-e-ev-r". _Stupid stutter! _

"I mean it, Edward," she said, calmer again now. Seriously, her mood swings were soon going to give me a whiplash. "This will be good for you, honey. Try at least to make it work."

I nodded weakly, hoping that she would leave as quickly as possible now so I was alone again.

Just as she said goodbye one last time and opened the door to leave, some younger guy with short black hair motioned to knock on the door. My mother laughed at the whole situation along with the guy, while I remained lifeless on "my" bed. According to me, there was nothing funny about this situation.

But obviously the guy was here to bring me my belongings, so at least I had something to lighten my mood a bit. I sighed in relief as I noticed my guitar being hauled inside the room, unharmed thank god, because who knows who had already touched it.

However the first thing I reached out for when everyone had finally left the room again wasn't my guitar. It was my cell phone.

* * *

_A/N: Poor, poor Edward… _

_**Next chapter: **__School is wearing me out. And we've only just started… And since I'm abroad, it's even worse. I will finish this story though, no worries! The next chapter will probably be Thursday :) Or Friday :) _

_Love, Ellen_


	42. 8 pm

**Chapter 41: 8pm**

_Bella_

I was sitting on my bed, legs crossed and toying with my cell phone in my hands, anxiously waiting for the damn thing to start ringing already.

This whole thing had become a routine. Every day a little before 8 PM, I found myself sitting on my bed, waiting for the beeping sound that would alert me of an incoming call, one that would brighten up my mood instantly.

The thirty minutes that would follow that glorious moment had the power to improve my day instantly. Every worry suddenly seemed to disappear as I finally had the opportunity to talk to _my_ Edward.

But unfortunately, he was only allowed thirty minutes a day to call whoever he wanted to call, much to both of our dismay. A half an hour was nowhere near long enough but we had both quickly realized that it was better than having no time at all, so we accepted it and made the best out of it.

The first few days, I had feared that one day he would call someone else instead of me, wanting to hear another person for once, but every day, at 8 pm my ring tone made all those fears go away instantly. He only wanted to hear me.

I had already once tried to ask him why he never called anyone else, like his mother – not that I wanted him to call her, as I still hated her, but she was still his mother after all. Edward had simply told me that there was no one else he cared for enough to grant them with a phone call, and thereby he had ended that conversation.

Now, we would usually just talk about what we had done since the last phone call, well actually he would let me talk about my day basically because according to him, his days were pretty damn monotonous. From the little he had already told me, I had learned that he was dragged from testing room to testing room every day, always monitored and every move would be put into charts.

_School, my ass_.

He only got one hour a day where they would 'teach' him something. But apparently, the teacher, Mr. Laurent, was the most horrible person alive and wouldn't let Edward say a damn thing while he was explaining whatever subject he had chosen that day. He didn't even allow Edward to have a text book or a piece of paper, so the only thing he _could _do was listen to whatever bullshit the man was spewing and trying desperately not to fall asleep because he already knew everything they were telling him.

It frustrated both of us, because being able to show his abilities was the only way out of the stupid Trauma Centre and they didn't give him that opportunity.

At first, it had caused a few arguments between the both of us – nothing too bad fortunately – so ever since then, we had decided not to bring it up again. Edward didn't like discussing it anymore because he hated the position he was put into and I didn't want to argue, we always ended up talking about other stuff.

In those very few minutes we would hold on to each other's voice, trying to forget the horrible reality we now found ourselves in.

Right the exact moment that the clock on my phone announced that it was 8 PM, it started ringing, causing a huge smile to break out on my face. _Once again he wants to hear _my_ voice and no one else's. _

"Edward," I said, releasing a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Hi," he replied and I could hear relief flooding through him as well.

We flowed into an easy conversation, just like we always did. Edward briefly told me that his day had been the same as usual before he let me tell him all about the trip to the mall with Alice and Rosalie. Ever since Alice stopped by, we had grown closer again. Now that Edward had left for Seattle, she had been the best friend anyone could wish for – not that she hadn't been before but it was just different now - and I couldn't thank her enough. Even Rosalie hadn't been a pain in the ass. Apparently, her super observation skills had already figured most of it out and even though she had never liked Edward, she had promised me that she would give him – us – a chance. She had even told me that she might even apologize to Edward for being mean.

The moment she had uttered those words, I had fallen into her arms, sobbing.

These really were my friends and I swear without them I would be completely lost right now.

Every day, they had made it their mission to keep my mind off of Edward, and about fifty percent of the time, they succeeded. I loved them even more now.

I could feel Edward's gratitude towards them as well, because every time I spoke of my friends, he would mumble something about being happy that I had someone to lean on for support. And every time that happened I found myself wishing that he would have someone there as well. Someone he could confide in when he needed it.

But he hardly had any contact with any of the other kids in the institute as they were all treated separately.

"I'll call you again tomorrow, okay?" he said, his voice a little weaker now. I guess time must be up, once again. I hated how fast these thirty minutes always passed by. It felt like I had only said 'Hi' five seconds ago.

"Okay," I said, feeling my eyes water again at the thought of having to hang up again. His voice was the only thing that could truly soothe me nowadays. Well, in fact, _he _was the only thing that could soothe me, but right now, I'd have to do with his voice alone. I wondered how long I would have to hold on to that voice instead of the guy himself…

"I love you, Bella," he whispered, making my heart sore again. These were always his last words, and even though he had already told me so many times, the effect would always be the same. I would feel like I had won the lottery, like I was the luckiest person alive to have his heart. I truly was the luckiest person.

"I love you too," I replied, meaning it more than I thought I ever could mean those few words.

"Bye Bella," he said one last time before ending our call. Thirty minutes on the dot once again. We always used our very last second because once we had put the phone down; we had to wait another twenty three and a half hours before we could hear each other again.

I kept my phone pressed tight against my cheek, holding on to the last few words a little longer, pretending that the call hadn't ended yet. I always found myself doing that, postponing the hurt I knew would come once I fully realized that the best minutes of my day were over again.

After a few seconds, I threw the thing that worked as my lifeline right now on my bed, before letting myself drop down on it as well.

I sighed deeply as I let my mind go over every conversation we had already had since he had left. 24 calls, one for every day he had already been gone.

One thing stood out to me; Edward seemed just fine. I mean, of course he wasn't happy with the whole situation, but he didn't seem to be wailing around about this whole separation thing like I was. I guess he was a lot stronger than I had thought he was. Definitely a lot stronger than I was, because I felt like I was slowly falling apart without him next to me.

* * *

_A/N:*sigh* But hey, at least they can still talk :')_

_Thank you for all your support! You are amazing! Momma2fan is my hero! _

_**Next update; **__Saturday or Sunday evening, depending on the response ;)_

_Love, Ellen_


	43. Telephone lifeline

_Hi guys, I'm sorry for the delay, but my internet broke down at home, so I couldn't update earlier. And well, yesterday I went to this volksfest in Germany (something similar to the Oktoberfest) and we got home very late (yeah, it was SO much fun!) so I couldn't update as well… But now, I went all the way to Starbucks so I could update! (So kind of me, right?) Fingers crossed that my internet will soon work again, or else I'm gonna die! And you'll have to live without Tongue Tied for a while... I'm really sorry!  
_

_Oh and I hope you'll enjoy this chapter ;)_

* * *

**Chapter 42: Telephone lifeline**

_Edward_

My heart broke into a thousand pieces once again as I ended today's phone call with my Bella. Why did it always have to be so damned hard? Why did these stupid people here only allow thirty minutes of peace every day? Because that was exactly what this was; peace. She was peace and most of all, she was love.

The half an hour I was allowed to call my girl was the only time of the day I felt whole, like my heart was finally beating in my chest again. It wasn't the normal rhythm like when I was in Forks, although it was better than every other moment of the day when I couldn't hear her soft voice telling me how her day had passed by. Another day without me, another day in which she could move on from me. But luckily, up until now, it seemed like she hadn't. She still seemed to be waiting for me to call her, because every day, she would pick up at the first ring, making me smile even brighter. She still cared for me.

_I, _on the other hand,was spending my days in a daze, literally dragging myself from one examination room into another, running the same boring tests over and over again and listening to the same bullshit from Dr. Creep and Mr. Good-for-Nothing-Teacher. Yes, 'good for nothing', because everything he told me was either _way_ below my level of education or completely wrong. I swear this man would even try to convince me one day that two added by two would equal seven.

Not that he would ever give me the opportunity to correct him.

The first day of 'class' they had made it very clear what the education part in this institute would entail. I was supposed to attend 'class' every day for a lecture on a subject chosen by the teacher, but no notes had to be taken as there would never be a test on it.

So basically, it meant that I would never be able to prove them that I was more than I had always shown everyone. I hated every moment of these lessons, to the point where I sometimes thought I would pull out my own hair.

It was hell.

I hated this 'school' more than I thought I could hate anything. It ranked on top of my list, together with my mother. I hated her to. I hated her for taking away the only thing that mattered to me…the only person that mattered to me since I had lost my dad all those years ago. I hated her for taking Bella away from me, so that's why I never even considered calling her. She didn't deserve to know how I was doing; only Bella did, because she was the only one who truly cared about me.

And by being here, I was hurting her. My mother made me hurt her. My mother was the cause of the fact that I was hurting the one person that loved me.

So I tried to be as strong as possible whenever we were on the phone, hoping that if she knew that I was doing fine, she would feel better as well. But inside I was dying. Dying to be with her again and dying to get the hell out of here.

But apparently, that wasn't going to happen anytime soon, because it was obvious 'the Creep' was particularly interested in my case. I could see the fascination on his face every time he was studying another one of my charts. It made me sick.

Nevertheless, he almost never spoke to me – much to my relief - only some brief instructions or some questions about how I was dealing with certain stuff. I always kept my answers as short as possible, giving him some information because being a rebel wasn't going to get me out of here as well.

Last week though, he had really tried to have a conversation with me that wasn't based on one of his charts. He had actually voice his concern over my lack of attempts to contact my mother because apparently she was suffering because of it. _Good, _was my first thought, and in fact, it was my final one as well. She deserved to feel some pain for all the pain she had already caused me. Me and Bella.

"Edward, your mother would really like to hear from you," Dr. Creep had told me, making me scoff. I didn't have any intention to call her, especially now. If she wanted to know how I was doing, she could just ask _James _because it seems as if she was already calling him often enough.

Dr. Hunter had tried to reason with me, but nothing would change my opinion. I would never – ever – give up my thirty minutes with Bella to call my mother instead, which I had made very clear to him.

After a while, he had just given up and gone back to being his silent self. I liked it better that way.

So now I was already counting down the hours again until they would give me back my cell phone and allow me to dial my girl's number again so her sweet voice could fill my senses and make me forget about all of this misery.

Twenty three hours and thirty minutes. It felt like a lifetime to me.

Knowing that after eight Dr. Hunter never bothered me anymore with his stupid tests; I got up and freed my guitar from its case, already relaxing just by the touch of the instrument's wood.

Other than Bella's voice, it was the only thing that was actually keeping me sane here.

I plucked the strings gently, losing myself in the melody of the song I had written for Bella a few days before our separation. I had never told her about it, but the last night we had spent together I had hummed it to her, hoping that the soft tune would make her feel every emotion I felt when she was around me. I wanted her to remember the good moments, so I had restrained from using "bad" notes, even though the moment I was writing it sadness had been clouding a lot of my happy feelings.

I can't remember how long I played the tune, over and over again, letting myself remember every touch and every word that had passed between me and the girl I loved. I let myself drown in it, consuming every bit of it, until I felt peaceful enough to let sleep claim me.

* * *

_A/N: Poor, poor Edward!_

_Thank you everyone, and especially momma2fan! _

_**Next update: **__As I told you at the beginning of this chapter, I have no idea when my internet will work again… I hope soon, so if it works again, you'll have an update on Tuesday evening :) _

_Love, Ellen_


	44. Agreement

_As on cue, my internet started working again about two hours ago! YAY_

_So, here is the next chapter! I hope you'll enjoy it :)  
_

* * *

**Chapter 43: Agreement**

_Bella_

I let go a sigh of relief as I closed the front door behind me and dropped my schoolbag on the floor without granting it a second look. I wouldn't need it anymore tonight anyway. Oh, those lovely homework free evenings!

I crossed the room, happy to find out that neither of my parents were home yet. Just as I had assumed, considering both of the cars were out of the driveway.

Now I could finally drop the act of 'being fine'. Because for the past few days, that's what I had been doing when I was around other people. I acted like I was just fine, only because I was tired of seeing the hurt flash across my friend's or parents' faces whenever they saw that _I_ was hurting. I didn't like to be pitied. I didn't like any attention at all, actually, so this worked out just fine.

Just as I was about to go upstairs, into the safety of my own room, the doorbell rang.

I turned around, confused about who the hell could be in front of our door at this hour. Both of my parents weren't supposed to be home for a few hours and Rose and Alice were at cheerleading practice, so I had absolutely no idea.

I took a quick look through the spy hole – being a cop's daughter I was very well trained to never let people inside when I was alone if I didn't know them, therefore, the spy hole – and gasped lightly when I noticed the person on the other side of the door. _No way!_

So many emotions coursed through my veins as I was letting it sink in. Anger, confusion, and then hate.

But why was she here in the first place? What the hell did she want from me?

I was startled when the bell chimed through the house again. Dammit, I had to make a decision here. Should I let her in or shouldn't I?

Ultimately, curiosity won the argument that was starting to give me a headache so I slowly opened the door, coming face-to-face with the woman I had come to hate with a fierce passion over the past few weeks.

Edward's mother.

I didn't say anything, not even a proper greeting. I just stared at her and let my eyes show her how I truly felt about her. When she cringed away a bit, I felt victorious.

"Can I come in?" she asked her voice weak. Only then I noticed that she looked off. Like totally off. She had big bags under her eyes and to be honest, she looked exactly as I felt…broken. If I didn't hate her, I would have probably felt bad for her.

"Please?" she added, quickly making me realize that she had actually asked me a question and I had yet to answer her.

With a deep sigh, I let her pass, hoping that I wasn't making a mistake by letting her inside. I was pretty sure that she hated me just as much as I hated her. I mean, I was the one that made her son turn his back on her and speak up for himself, which she obviously hadn't liked. Not that I regretted any of that.

I didn't offer her to take a seat, because yes, I was still mad at her, so now she was nervously fidgeting with the purse she was holding, trying not to look at me.

I crossed my arms in front of me, hoping to look stern and intimidating. I am fully aware of the fact that that isn't the way you should behave around the mother of your boyfriend, but I just couldn't help it.

"Bella, I know you hate me," she started, making me scoff. Yeah, she got that! "But I really want to talk to you."

"Then talk," I said, not liking this one bit. _Why had I let her inside again?_

"I know Edward always calls you, and he never calls me," she started.

"I wonder why that is," I muttered, low enough so she wouldn't hear it.

"And I would just like to hear him, Bella, just hear his voice once. He's my son and he won't even let me see him," she continued, obviously haven't heard my snide remark or if she had, she was hiding it very well.

"And what do you expect me to do about that?" I asked. I wasn't the one who had decided not to call her, and I wasn't going to force Edward into calling her either.

"Talk to him about it? Tell him that I don't have any bad intentions…"

"But why would I do that? Why would I spend the little time I get to talk to him, convincing him to talk to you?" I asked. And I wasn't really looking forward to giving up my daily thirty minutes with him because his mother wanted to talk to him. Yes, you may call me selfish, I don't care.

"Please," she pleaded, and I swear she was about to drop to her knees to beg me. _Now, that would be something I'd like to witness._

"I still don't get why I should try to please you now when all you've done is hurt Edward."

"I've only had good intentions," she said a little more forceful now.

"No, you only did what _you _thought was good for him! He didn't want to go and he definitely doesn't _need _to go, but you still forced him into leaving!" I was trying to rein in my anger, because honestly, all I wanted to do was shake her until she realized what a big mistake she had made.

"We've already had this argument," Esme said making me even more livid, because now she wasn't even acknowledging the problems anymore. Or she had realized that she indeed had been wrong. A girl can hope, right?

Anyway, hope or not, I had had enough of her little sadness display and I wanted her gone. Her presence was currently only reminding me of the fact that Edward was too far away from me.

"I think you should leave," I stated, already walking towards the front door to let her out. I would even kick her out if needed.

"And what if we make an arrangement?" Esme said suddenly sounding desperate.

I crossed my arms in front of my chest again and gave her my complete attention. This could get interesting.

"Edward is allowed a one-hour visit every week, but every time I pass by, he blatantly refuses to see me," she said, making me wonder why she was sharing this with me.

"Maybe you could come, and we could split the hour between the two of us," she said reluctantly.

My eyes immediately shot up toward her. Was she serious here?

I searched her face, looking for something that could tell me she was lying, but I found nothing. I could see though that she wasn't very comfortable with this proposition. It really seemed to be her 'in case of emergency' plan.

"How do I know that once we're there you will actually let me see him?" I said, still not trusting her. This whole thing sounded too amazing not to be skeptical about it.

"You can see him first."

In my mind I was going over the situation now, trying to see if they were any other loopholes in the plan she was offering me, but I found none. I guess she really desperately wanted to talk to Edward. And if her desperation meant that I could see him, why not?

I smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I thought about being with Edward again, even if it was only for thirty minutes. There was nothing I wanted more, but was I willing to make Edward suffer through a half an hour with his mother to get to that?

"I have to know if Edward's okay with it first," I stated.

"I get that," she nodded. Suddenly she was in front of me, holding out a little white card. "This is my business card with my phone number. This way you can let me know if our deal is on or not."

Deal? God, I suddenly felt like I was some kind of criminal. It was as if we were talking big money while in fact we were only discussing a brief visit to Edward. Well, that brief visit did mean the world to me…

"I will," I promised, putting the card in the pocket of my jeans.

"Please let him know that I never wanted to hurt him," Esme said her eyes pleading. I nodded before leading her toward the front door.

I didn't spend time on a polite goodbye, because even though she hadn't done anything wrong this time, I still didn't like her.

Nonetheless, I must admit that she sounded sincere when she proposed the "deal". Excitement coursed through me again just at the mere thought of it and suddenly I couldn't wait until it was eight pm.

* * *

_A/N: Yay, a silver lining! :D _

_Yes, Esme was kinda getting desperate! ;)_

_Leave me some love? Pretty please? I like to know what you're thinking and if you're actually still with me! _

_Love to momma2fan_

_**Next update: **__Thursday if you reach the 30 reviews for this chapter ;) If not, Friday ;)_

_Love, Ellen_


	45. Oasis

_A/N: You should all thank AlyssaMarsh24 for the update, 'cause with all of today's stress I had almost forgotten to update you guys! (Sorry!)_

_Now, anyway, here you have it :) _

* * *

**Chapter 44: Oasis **

_Bella_

As the seconds ticked away and eight pm got closer, I got more and more nervous about this upcoming call. I had absolutely no idea how Edward would react to this news, but I hoped somewhere deep inside, he would go with it. I know it was a selfish thing of me to do; nevertheless I couldn't stop thinking about how it would be to see him again, to finally be able to hold him again and have him close. It sounded like heaven to me.

But to get to that heaven, Edward would have to go through hell as well. He would have to spend thirty minutes with his mother, and I didn't know if he would find it worth it.

I really hoped he did.

A few seconds later, my cell phone buzzed, alerting me of an incoming call. Edward.

I quickly picked it up; giddy to answer the call, but somehow my finger kept hovering over the accept button. I hadn't really figured out yet how to tell him about what his mother had asked me and suddenly I was scared of his reaction. Would he hate me for not immediately pointing her towards the door or would he be as happy about this opportunity as I was?

"Hi," I breathed as I finally had managed to answer the call.

"Bella," Edward sighed in relief; my hesitation to answer his call obviously having made him anxious. "I thought you wouldn't pick up." I couldn't blame him for thinking that way because usually I always answered on the first ring and now my phone must have gone over at least seven times.

"No, I was. I just got… distracted. I'm sorry," I explained, already feeling the tension leave my body at the sound of his voice.

"It's okay," he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice as well.

We chatted for a while, nothing special, just the usual stuff as I watched the minutes tick by on my alarm clock. Now I had only fifteen minutes left to ask him, but I was just too afraid to (del: get) disappoint myself that I kept postponing it.

"Bella?"

Edward's voice snapped me out of my thoughts again. It hadn't been the first time tonight.

"What's going on? You've been different the entire time," he said, obviously having caught on my confusion.

"I… I have to talk to you about something," I managed to say after taking a deep breath.

"O-kay," he said slowly, as if he was trying to form an idea about what was going on. "Are you okay?" His voice changed from interested to worried in just mere seconds.

"I am, I really am," I quickly assured him, "It's just that… someone stopped by earlier today."

Believe me, I wasn't deliberately being slow and evasive about telling him this, I just couldn't get it said in one go. I felt pathetic.

"Bella, please, you're killing me here!"

"Your mother stopped by." And once again I couldn't say more. I couldn't immediately move on to the next part. Maybe I thought he needed to process this step by step, I don't know.

I could almost hear Edward's teeth clamp together and a low growl escape his chest. To be honest, this Edward could scare me. The last few days we were together he had been so hostile towards his mother - not that I blamed him – but I hated it when he behaved that way. When I had talked to him about it, he had simply said that there was no way he would ever behave like that toward me, but his mother was talking away something he cared about and he was determined to fight for me. That thought had put an instant smile back on my face, but it hadn't completely taken away the light fear.

"Did she hurt you? Did she yell at you? I swear, Bella, if," he said through clenched teeth, but I quickly interrupted him.

"No, she didn't do anything wrong," I told him, trying to calm him down. "She did have a proposition." That last part came out as a whisper. It seemed as I had suddenly lost my voice.

"What now?" Edward sighed, obviously not expecting anything good.

"She wants to talk to you and…" I started but I was quickly interrupted by Edward.

"No. I don't want to talk to her," he stated, sounding so final I was almost afraid to tell him the counter-offer. But I wanted it so badly myself I couldn't stop myself from trying.

"Can you just listen to me for a second?" I asked, trying not to sound angry.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, "I just don't want to have anything to do with her."

"I know, I know, but what she suggested doesn't seem that bad."

"Well, the counter-offer better be fabulous if she wants me to call her," he mumbled.

"Um, it's more than just a call," I informed him, "She wants to visit."

I heard another groan on the other line and decided that it was now or never.

"She wants to sit down with you for thirty minutes, and I would get the other thirty," I said quickly, trying to get the words out of there as fast as possible. Not only because I was scared, but also because our time to call was nearly up.

"Wait, what?" Edward shouted. I couldn't decipher whether he was angry or excited, but I guess even if he would agree, that he would be a bit of both.

"She offered to split the hour visit that you're allowed," I repeated, a little more understandable now.

"She would allow me to see you?" he asked and now I was certain. He sounded excited. A smile instantly formed on my lips and I felt tears forming in my eyes. Happy tears.

"Yes," I choked out, already clouded by the emotions.

"I could see you," he repeated but I know that it wasn't meant for me. He was trying to grasp the idea.

"If you're willing to talk to her for thirty minutes," I added, hating myself for having to bring him back to reality, but it had to be done. He had to know that there was a downside as well.

"I'll survive," he said, sounding happier than I've ever heard him since he had left. I guess he felt just like me then. "When does she want to meet?"

I chuckled at his enthusiasm, but unfortunately I couldn't answer him. Esme had never mentioned a time or place, but I guess that that was just a formality now.

"Bella, I have to hang up now," he said, his voice falling a bit, but the excitement was still there. "Let my mother know that it's okay."

"Will do," I replied, unable to stop smiling like an idiot.

"See you soon," he said, making me all giddy and fueling the butterflies in my stomach. "I love you."

"I love you too," I quickly said before the line went dead.

As soon as it had, I retrieved the little card from my pocket and started dialing again. I was tapping my foot nervously on the floor, getting more anxious every time the phone went over. _Pick up, pick up, pick up!_

"Hello, Mrs. Cullen speaking?"

I wanted to scoff at her intro, but then I realized I didn't care. All I cared about was Edward and the fact that soon I was going to see him.

"Mrs. Cullen, Bella here, we accept your offer," I simply stated, making it sound like it really was a business deal. Maybe to her that was all it was, but to Edward and me, it was the world. A little oasis in the desert.

* * *

_A/N: Happy dance? Next chapter will be the reunion! :D_

_All my love for you and momma2fan_

_**Next update: **__Well, you know the rule. 30 reviews = early update ;)_

_Love, Ellen_


	46. Unexpected

**Chapter 45: Unexpected**

_Edward_

Five more minutes.

Five goddamned long minutes before Bella would be here. Why did this suddenly feel like an eternity? She really couldn't be here fast enough.

I tried very hard to focus on my breathing, taking a lungful of air through the nose and slowly breathing out through my mouth, but most of the time, I failed. I was too anxious and excited about finally seeing her again.

My eyes were currently focused on the big clock that hung on the opposite wall of the visitation room, watching the seconds tick away and bringing me closer to the moment my girl would be here with me…finally.

When Bella had told me about my mother's offer to split the visitation hour, I hadn't needed to think twice about it. At this moment, I would basically do anything to see my Bella; even go through thirty minutes of hell with my mother. Yeah, I was desperate.

But apparently, my mother had been desperate to see me as well, because she had allowed me to see Bella. Yes, I needed my mother's permission to have visitors. How great is that?

Some assistant nurse - or whoever she was - had now let me in one of the rooms on the other side of the main hall, a room that now that I come to think of it looked a lot like those interrogation rooms they have in every bad cop series, except that this one was white instead of the usual dark color – of course.

But honestly, I couldn't care less about where I was. I only cared about who I was going to see...Bella.

Every tick of the enormous clock resonated through the small room, making it impossible to ignore, so my eyes kept following the rhythmic circles of the pointers until the knock on the door demanded my attention.

My entire body was instantly angled towards the door, watching it open in slow-motion. I swear, it was really goddamned slow!

Before I could even see her, I could already feel and smell her all around me.

Literally.

She had flung herself into my arms, clinging desperately to me and after the surprise had finally worn of, I was holding onto her just as desperately. She was finally here.

For about six minutes and twenty nine seconds - _Yes, there was no way to ignore the damn clock - _we remained in the same position, unwilling to let go of each other.

"I missed you so much," I whispered, afraid to break the silence, but unable to keep myself from uttering those words.

"God, me too," Bella replied, a little sob escaping her throat. I wrapped my arms tighter around her, wishing I would never have to let go again.

When Bella ultimately backed away, shifting her position a bit so she was more comfortable in my lap, I wiped the tears off her beautiful face with the pads of my thumbs.

"Hi," she then said with a soft smile on her lips, her cheeks a soft pink. I couldn't help myself; she was too damn adorable so I leaned in to kiss her. Just because I finally could.

Her soft lips moving with mine felt like coming home. She was home to me.

"I love you," I whispered against her lips, not ready to put some space between us again, so I held her closer to my chest.

"I love you, too."

Before we both had realized it, half of our time together had already passed. It stung. It stung so hard to have our time limited to thirty minutes. Always thirty goddamned minutes! It wasn't fair!

Bella's fingers were raking through my hair, making it more messy, just like she liked it, but the motion calmed me as well. Yeah, she knew that worked.

In that short space of time that I had known her, she already knew so much about me, and for that, I loved her even more.

"So, how's the doc treating you?" she asked, trying to sound light and carefree but I could see that the emotions were controlling her. She was just as conflicted as I was. Happy to be together, sad about the short amount of time we were only allowed to be with each other.

I shrugged, not really feeling like going into that kind of conversation, especially not now. I mean, he treated me alright, but I was no more than a laboratory animal to him. A rare case. One he would like to solve, of course!

"And the school thing is that improving?" Bella continued as her eyes pleaded with me to talk about it.

"It's not," I sighed defeated. "They won't give me a single change to prove myself. It's like they know that I'm trying to tell them someone, but deliberately don't act on it."

"And the stutter?"

I shook my head, trying to keep myself from breaking down. I wanted so much to prove to everyone Bella's and my theory, but I found no way to do it. Every attempt was in vain. I told her about how I failed to talk to them normally every time, no matter how hard I tried. I just couldn't trust them. I couldn't trust anyone, apart from Bella.

"I'm a failure," I choked out, burying my head in her shoulder. I was biting the inside of my cheek to keep the sobs from erupting out of my chest. The pain was weighting down on me, making it nearly impossible to breathe.

Bella instantly pulled back, demanding me to look her in the eyes.

"You are _not _a failure, Edward," she said forcefully, "You're goddamned brilliant and _they _fail to acknowledge that."

"But I fail to show them," I said.

"You can't help it that they don't give you any opportunities to prove that you're the next Einstein."

"I just wish I could show someone. I wish I could prove to my mother that I'm not the stupid son she thinks I am. I wish she knew that it was just some stupid trust issue that has me stuttering," I whispered thickly. As much as I hated my mother, I still wanted to prove myself to her. Call it instinct or something.

We remained silent for the rest of the time, clinging to each other and wishing that in that moment, time could stand still.

But it didn't.

All too soon there was a soft knock on the door, alerting us of the near goodbye we were going to be forced through again.

I quickly dragged the back of my hand over my cheeks, getting rid of some stray tears before my mother would enter to tell me my time with Bella was up.

I hugged her closer; totally not ready to let her go. She seemed just as desperate as I was, much to my relief.

Seconds later, I could feel Bella shift in my lap, as she was getting up to leave.

"N-no, n-n-not yet," I mumbled, fighting the tears once again. I couldn't let her go. I just couldn't. I didn't even care that my mother was already in the room, watching us. I just had to have her close, just a little longer.

"It's okay, Bella, you can stay," my mother suddenly said, her voice sounding weak. I looked up instantly, my eyes falling onto the woman that had given birth to me. She looked… odd.

There was something in her features that was confusing me. Her eyes were definitely puffy, so it was pretty obvious that she had been crying. A part of me wanted to know why, the other part – the vile part – didn't care.

However apart from that, she seemed to have a light smile tugging on her lips. I hated it. I hated her. It was as if she was laughing at my pain…our pain. Maybe letting Bella stay a little longer was part of her vicious plan. I didn't like it one bit. I could handle her hurting me, but she had to stay the hell away from my girl. I could already feel in her stance that my mother was affecting her.

"Edward?" she asked, her voice breaking. Seriously, what was her game here?

"W-w-what?" I snapped, feeling Bella's hand on my back instantly, rubbing soothing circles.

"How do you feel?" she asked, her eyes flickering between Bella and me.

"H-h-how d-do you t-t-think-k I f-f-f-feel?" I retorted angrily.

My mother flinched a little at the hard tone in my voice, but it did nothing to wipe the smile of her face. _Enjoying the show, huh?_

"I'm sorry, son, I'm just trying to help you here," she said. _Helping my ass!_

"Y-y-you're n-not h-helping o-o-one bit," I muttered.

"Well, I guess I should leave then," she stated, already walking towards the door again.

"T-t-t-that's all?" I asked confused. She wanted to talk to me so badly she dragged Bella into it, and now that she's here and she has me all vulnerable, she's leaving without even decently saying anything?

"Yes, I know everything I need to know," she said before directing her gaze to Bella. "Feel free to use the rest of the visiting time, I'm done here."

After offering both Bella and me a soft smile, she left the room quietly. To say I didn't understand what had happened the past five minutes would be an understatement.

"Now that was weird," Bella muttered, obviously confused as well.

"Don't tell me," I said before quickly glancing at the clock. "But at least now we have another twenty five minutes together."

Bella hummed in response, smiling brightly as she wrapped her arms around my neck again.

* * *

"I like the sound of that," she said before locking her lips to mine again. Now that made me forget about the weird conversation instantly.

_A/N: I can see all of the question marks in your head now :') Yes, Esme's crazy :') The next chapter will be from her point of view, so get ready for an look inside the mind of Esme Cullen :')_

_Thank you guys, you really are wonderful! Love to momma2fan_

_**Announcement: **I can tell you guys that I've just finished a short story, so once it's beta'ed that one will be up as well :') So, if you're interested, put me on Author alert or just check my page regularly ;)  
_

_**Next update: **__Monday evening, if you get the 30 reviews again ;)_

_Love, Ellen_


	47. Esme

**Chapter 46: Esme**

_Esme _

My son hated me.

My only son and basically the only family I had left in my life, hated me with a fierce passion and wasn't shy anymore to make that obvious to me. Really obvious. Not with words, because that has never been his forte, but with gestures and looks.

I didn't understand why suddenly he was so forward into showing me how he felt about me. He had never been that way. Not once.

He used to be so closed off, preferred to be on his own, but now, he had changed.

I wasn't stupid of course; I knew it had something, maybe even everything, to do with that girl he had been seeing for a while now…Bella.

I didn't hate her. She was a nice, polite girl and I was happy to see that my son had finally found someone to hang out with. But now there was more, and she was keeping my son back.

Ever since they really were together, because yes, I had noticed, he had been pushing me away even more. We had never had a good mother-son relationship as he had always been a daddy's boy, but now it was even more critical. I couldn't do anything good in his eyes.

He failed to see that I just wanted to help him. I wanted him to get better, to be able to find out what the reason was he was stuttering. So when Dr. Hunter had called me a few weeks ago with the news that he would be able to treat Edward, I felt so relieved. I finally saw answers.

When Edward seemed to agree to going to Seattle, I swear I wanted to cry out of happiness. He would finally allow me to get help for him and I was totally over the moon about it.

But then Bella stepped in, and all of the sudden, Seattle wasn't on his list anymore. He wanted to stay in Forks. Desperately so, because he even started to lie about stuff.

This wasn't my Edward anymore, but I couldn't hate Bella for it, because even though he had changed, he was laughing a lot more now. I just wanted to see him happy.

However, that doesn't mean that I was going to let him stay home, just because he had now found some sort of happiness. He had to go to Seattle for his own well-being.

And ever since he had been gone, I had heard nothing of him. Not a single word. Nothing.

I had had to ask Dr. Hunter about how he was, and I didn't like it one bit.

I wanted my son back, or at least I wanted him to talk to me again, even if it was just one word. I needed to know how he was really doing out there so I had involved Bella.

And until now, I had been blind to see just how important she was to him.

As I stared at the two of them, clinging to one another I quickly noticed that they were so alike to what I had had with my Carlisle. Some may call it young love but now that I really looked at them I could see that it was nothing short of real. This was going to blossom into something pure and honest, just like the love between me and my husband. Until he was so violently ripped away from me.  
That had been the worst part of my life. Carlisle had been my heart, my soul, my everything, and within a second, he was gone.  
For so long I couldn't even look at my son, afraid to see something that would remind me of my husband, so I started to neglect him. Sure that affected that poor seven year old boy...  
He closed him off even more, never talked to anyone and sometimes I swore he avoided me as well, knowing that I could t stand to be around him. I had often lashed out at him, only because I was haunted by the pain that was constantly crushing my chest. I could see my boy was suffering, but I couldn't do a damn thing to help him that moment because I was a failure myself. I guess it was only normal that there was nothing left between Edward and me after those years. He had lost his trust in me, and honestly, I couldn't blame him for it.  
It was in that period of my life that I had lost the two most important people in my life, and I'll regret it for the rest of my life.

And now I had to witness my boy, my only son, opening up to someone else instead of me. I hated it, I hated it that it wasn't me that he was clinging to, but maybe I should embrace it. Maybe these were also the first steps into his healing process.

I was watching their every movement through the one-way mirror from the room next to the interrogation room. I felt like I was eavesdropping on them, but this way, I would truly know how he was and how he felt. Another reason why I thought bringing in Bella would be a good idea.

Can you imagine my shock when suddenly he started talking fluently to Bella, no stutter, nothing. He suddenly seemed so… normal. A normal teenage boy.

I felt the tears prick in my eyes as I watched them together and suddenly I felt like my world was crashing down as they started talking about the teaching part of the clinic. Everything cleared out suddenly and I gasped in shock as it all truly dawned on me.

He hadn't been lying to me.

I had been so stupid to assume that he was stealing notes while it really was his work. My son wasn't stupid, at all. He was brilliant and I had accused him of being a thief and a liar.

After he had left to Seattle, I had of course leafed through the papers again, rolling my eyes at the entire thing because it all seemed so complicated that I couldn't even consider it to be his work.

But it was. It really was.

It was so obvious now as I watched the two of them interact. He wouldn't lie about this to Bella and I could see the defeat in both of their eyes as they realized that there was nothing to be done about it.

Apart from the hate I felt towards myself, I felt a feeling of pride rush through my body.

Pride for my boy.

Of course he would hate me. I would hate myself to after what I had done to him. I did.

When their thirty minutes were up, I slowly made my way into the room, having to see him face to face to have more proof. All I needed was to hear him say something. Anything, just to see if he would stutter while talking to me.

And he did.

I tried to contain my smile as I held the key to his condition. The key that I had been searching for for so long. There wasn't an exact science to heal him. It was suddenly so obvious what was needed. Love.

Suddenly I was determined to fix this. To fix whatever had gone wrong between my son and me, because I couldn't lose him. Not this way.

He was all I had left and I needed to fight for him. But I needed to fight on his side and no longer against him.

* * *

_A/N: Now, Esme isn't _that _bad, right. She was kinda misunderstood, but she just has a lot on her mind as well. _

_Thank you all for sticking with me and this story! All my love to momma2fan who's doing an amazing job beta'ing ;)_

_**Next Update: **__Well, school has started again *pout* so I'll have a lot more work to do from now on, and on top of that; I haven't got the next chapter back from my beta so I don't know when I'll be able to update. But I think I'll have it back soon, my beta is the best after all! And you know what you have to do for an early update, right? ;)_

_Love, Ellen_


	48. Surprise

**Chapter 47: Surprise**

_Edward_

You might think that saying goodbye to Bella the second time around was easier, because we knew what to expect … well, let me tell you this; you couldn't have been more wrong. It was _so_ much harder _exactly_ _because _we knew what to expect. We already knew what it was like to be without the other one, we already knew how extremely hard it was and we were _so_ aware of what was ahead of us once again. We would have to go back to thirty minute phone calls at 8 in the evening; no seeing each other, no touching, just the sound of each other's voice would have to do. It wouldn't be enough.

I had to bite back the tears that were threatening to spill when the same nurse from before took me back to my room on the other side of the building. I wasn't going to break down in front of her. I had promised myself that I wouldn't. I had too much pride left to show them how much it hurt to say goodbye to her.

Luckily, they all seemed to get the hint and left me alone for the rest of the evening. For a moment I thought I would get another half an hour call at 8, but then I realized that both my mother and Bella would still be on their way home, so I guess they couldn't even be bothered by giving me the opportunity to call.

So I spend my evening alone, calming myself down by the soft notes of my guitar and softly humming to myself. Some evenings I even closed my eyes and pretended that Bella was here to listen to my songs, and tonight was one of them. And the fact that I had just held her in my arms made it easier to imagine her with me.

The next morning though, the routine was back on. Getting up at six, taking a quick shower, and then getting ready for some stupid tests with the Creep. I didn't know what he was still trying to see in my brain, but apparently he wasn't satisfied with the results yet. I wonder how long it would take him to figure out that I'm not someone you can fix with some science or even surgery.

I wasn't traumatized because of the accident. I wasn't even traumatized at all. Sure, I missed my dad like hell and it was horrible to be reminded of the accident but that wasn't what made me who I was today.

My mother's behavior afterward was. She had pushed me away when I had needed her the most. She had left me without anyone to hold on to when my world had fallen apart.

And yet again, because of something my mother had decided, I felt myself slipping away from a happy place once again.

My mind was wandering in all different directions as I took my seat in one of the big, white leather chairs in Dr. Creep's office. He was wheeling some strange looking machine into the room, not even bothering to greet me and started connecting wires everywhere. _Yeah, it's gonna be one of those days again._

"Okay, so, you know what to do by now?" he asked, sounding slightly annoyed, as per usual. I felt kind of proud for making him feel that way. Or maybe it wasn't just me, but the fact that his results weren't satisfying yet.

I just nodded in response to his previous question, ready to do what I had to do every time he attached those patches to all parts of my body. _Relive the accident with as many details as possible._

So that's how I spend the first hour of my day, going over the events of eight years ago, _once again. _I had already done it a million times over the past few weeks, and every time there would be another machine attached to me, registering all of my brain activity – or lack thereof.

During the entire process, Dr. Hunter would takes notes of whatever information the machine gave him and every once in a while, he would ask me to go back into my story, probably because he must have noticed something odd. I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes at him every time that happened.

It was also usual that a session was paused every once in a while when the Creep's phone started ringing. He would just start waving his hands, indicating me to stop as he answered the call.

I never listened to anything he was saying because it usually involved a lot of terms I had never heard of before. If I was sure they weren't talking about any treatments for me, I might have been interested, but knowing that they might be talking about me made me block it all out completely. I'd rather not know what the next day would bring. It was already hard enough to get through the one I was currently living in.

But this time, Dr. Hunter suddenly started cursing under his breath, so I couldn't keep myself from listening. He never cursed, at least not like that.

Of course he had noticed my sudden interest, so he instantly retreated to the hallway. I was still able to make out a lot of yelling and more swearing. _Someone doesn't like what he's hearing…_

When he came back into the room, he looked thoroughly pissed and for the first time since I had been here, I was truly afraid of the man in front of me.

"Edward, there is someone here to see you," Dr. Creep barked, as he started detaching me from the machine, being not so careful as usual.

My mind instantly wandered to my unexpected visitor. Could it be Bella? Because you know, she's always the first thing on my mind, but just as that glorious thought hit my mind, I realized that she was supposed to be in school now, so there was no way she could be here now.

"W-w-who?" I asked, not interested anymore now I was fairly sure Bella wouldn't be the one waiting for me here.

"Your mother," he informed me, his teeth clenching as he spoke. Yeah, I could have guessed that. Who else would want to visit poor, poor me? And be allowed to do so.

"I d-d-d-don't w-w-w-want t-t-t-to s-s-see her," I stated, already making a turn for my room. She had had her chance to talk to me yesterday and she had let it pass. That was her fault.

"I think you do want to see her," Dr. Hunter revealed and I was confused by the harsh way he spoke about her. Usually when my mother was mentioned he would talk with so much respect and now I could hear the venom in his voice. Yeah, something must have happened there!

And of course that had my interest piqued. I guess maybe giving her a few minutes of my time wouldn't harm anyone.

Without giving the Creep any indication, I turned around and headed for the interrogation room I had been in yesterday.

"No, she's at the reception area," he said blankly.

I had to keep myself from rolling my eyes at him as I turned around – again – and went to see my mother. _Here goes nothing! _

The minute I walked in to the reception room, a pair of arms wrapped around me and held me so tight I couldn't breathe.

I wouldn't have believed it to be my mother if I didn't smell her usual, strong flowery perfume on her.

She was hugging me? My mother was hugging me? I can't remember the last time she had hugged me, but I'm sure it must have been before my dad had passed away.

So why was she so affectionate all of the sudden?

I felt like I was missing so much here. Like everyone around me was in on a secret and I was still oblivious.

"We're going home, sweetheart," my mother's voice whispered in my ear as she held me even tighter. I was going to make some sarcastic remark about not being able to breathe when suddenly her words got through to me.

"H-h-home?" I choked out, wondering once again what the hell was going on.

"Yeah, you still want to go back right? Back to Forks?"

I pulled back from her embrace, needing to see her face to see if she was kidding me. But the sincerity was written all over it and tears were pooling in her eyes. She was serious…

"I'm-m-m g-g-g-going hom-me?" I repeated, still not getting where this had come from.

"Yes. I'm so sorry, Edward, I should have listened to you. I should have given you a chance. I've been so stupid. All of this time, I had a wonderful son and I always tried to make him better while in fact he's already a perfect version of himself. God, you're even more than I believed you were," she rambled, wiping away a tear every once in a while, but my mind had gone black the minute she had confirmed that I was indeed going home.

Home.

Forks.

Bella.

* * *

_A/N: Yaaaaay, Edward is going home! Finally :') I know a few of you were scared about James having a big influence, but he doesn't :') If Esme decides to get him out of there, he's out. It's that simple. So, yeah, bye bye James :')_

_Thank you, all of you. The support this story has gotten has literally blown me away. You're the best! And momma2fan is the very very best!_

_**Next update: **__I have big party on Thurday (Semester opening party) YAAY, so I can only update earliest on Friday and even then I have classes and presentations to prepare. But I'll try my very best! You know a lot of reviews makes me want to update earlier! _

_Love, Ellen_


	49. Home

**Chapter 48: Home**

_Edward_

I don't think I've ever packed my bags as quickly as I was packing them right now. I didn't care about things being folded neatly or having a particular place, I just needed them in my suitcases soon as possible so I could get the hell out of this hell hole.

During my rush, my mother was standing in the doorway, watching me with the same smile she had worn ever since we had left the reception room. A proud, happy smile.

I still didn't know what was going on, or what had made her change her mind, but who was I to question her when she was giving me the opportunity to go home.

Home...I still couldn't believe it yet.

I was so afraid I would be woken up any second by my blaring alarm clock that announced that it was time to start the routine of the clinic. I had already pinched my arms numerous that by now the skin on my right arm was turning red. I really was going home.

"Mrs. Cullen, could I have a word with you?" Dr. Hunter's voice suddenly rang out from behind me, causing me to freeze instantly. He wouldn't change her mind, would he?

"There is nothing left to say, James," my mother said with a blank voice. She didn't even turn to look at him.

"I just think tha-"

"No, he's going home and I don't care that you think you're on the verge of a breakthrough because I'm fairly sure you're not."

And I guess that was about the first time ever I wanted to hug my mother. She was actually choosing my side and the feeling of it was overwhelming.

I quickly finished packing, accepting my mother's help somewhere halfway because I was making a mess of it. _Should have folded it, shouldn't I? _

An hour later, everything was packed in the trunk of the car and with one last look at the ugly white building, we drove off.

Back to Forks.

Back home.

Even though I wanted to just enjoy this moment, I desperately needed to know what made my mother change her mind about this.

I turned to look at her, trying to find the right words to bring this up.

"You want to know why you're going home, right?" my mother said amused, as she noticed me looking at her from the corner of her eye.

"Y-yes," I admitted sheepishly.

Her eyes never left the road as she confessed that she had been eavesdropping on the conversation Bella and I had had yesterday in the interrogation room and that after hearing everything it hadn't taken her long to put the ends together. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised to discover that that mirror in the room was in fact a one way window.

And actually, right now, I wanted to hug whoever created that thing because it was my savior right now. If my mother hadn't been able to hear us, I would still be stuck in that stupid clinic.

After she had finished her story, I could see the tears pooling in her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I really am," she uttered, casting a quick glance in my direction.

I could only nod, not being able to forgive her so easily. She might be doing the right thing now, but that didn't mean that I could simply forget about all the hurt she had caused me. Not only now with the whole Seattle thing, but over the past few years in general.

It would take a while for me to trust her – if I ever could – but I had a feeling that the first few steps in the right direction had already been taken.

"I hope that one day you'll be able to lose the stutter with me as well," my mother said, her voice clouded with emotion.

"M-me t-too," I said truthfully.

"And I'm really glad you have Bella," she continued, a proud smile gracing her tear stricken face. "She's good for you."

And once again, I couldn't help but smile. My Bella.

We spend the rest of the drive home discussing the changes that had to be taken again, but the minute my mother parked the car in the driveway, I was out of the car. I needed to get to Bella and I needed to get there now.

"Sweetheart, you can't go to school yet," my mother said, laughing softly at my enthusiasm. "Bella will still be in class and I don't think the teachers would appreciate it if you just came rushing in."

I contemplated what she had said for a moment, and then turned around to help her unload the trunk when I realized she was right.

I hauled everything upstairs and the minute I entered my room, I felt a feeling of ease fall over me. I was home. I was really home.

I suddenly felt the overwhelming need to touch everything around me to make sure I wasn't imagining this all. But before I actually could, my mother entered my room and rested her hand lightly on my arm. Usually I would have pulled away, uncomfortable under her touch, but this time, I felt nothing but gratitude. Yeah, the first steps really had been taken.

"I'll go with you to school in an hour," she announced, "There are some things I need to discuss with Mr. Greene."

I frowned at her, wondering what she meant by that. I mean, she said that I was allowed to go back to Forks High School, so what more was there to it?

"I'm going to try to convince your teachers to have you retake a few tests," she explained when she noticed my confusion. "You know, so you can show them what you're really worth."

An involuntary smile spread across my face. I had never thought about this before but suddenly I was very excited. I _wanted _to show them. For the first time, I wanted to make people proud of me.

"We're leaving in an hour, okay?" my mother said, slowly walking out of my room again. I nodded in response, feeling like I could take on the world.

But first, I had to get settled in my own room again. I took a deep breath, unable to hide a smile as I started unpacking my stuff and putting it back in its place. It felt wonderful.

As I was about halfway through the content of my suitcase, my eyes fell on a little box that was neatly on top of my night table.

I quickly walked towards it and picked it up, tossing it back and forth between both of my hands. I contemplated it for a while but the argument that Bella would be thrilled ultimately made me decide to just go for it. I would have to try these contacts once and what better time was there then now?

I opened the box slowly, careful not to break anything because I didn't even know how breakable these little things were. Luckily the box came with a little paper with instructions how to put them in decently because honestly, I had no idea how to even begin doing that.

After reading through the little paper thoroughly, I took off my glasses and put them on my nightstand. I put one of the silicone contacts on my finger and did as the instructions said.

Only, it wasn't as easy as they pointed it out to be.

I struggled for about ten minutes before I got the first one in correctly and my eye was slightly red because of all the poking. But all in all, it didn't feel that bad. Weird, yes, but not bad.

I blinked a few times to let my eye get accustomed to the contact before trying to put in the second one. Luckily it went a bit smoother.

By the time I had put the box back into its place; my mother was already knocking on my door again.

"Time to go," she announced, causing me to jump up from my bed instantly.

"Don't you need your glasses?" my mother pointed out as I walked passed her.

I shook my head with a grin and pointed toward my eyes "C-contacts," I explained.

"Oh," she said with a smile, "Let me guess, Bella's idea?"

I nodded, unable to hide the smile that always forced its way on my lips as she was mentioned.

"It looks good on you," my mother concluded as we made our way downstairs.

We didn't say a thing for the rest of the ride to school; simply because I was too nervous to do anything but focus on my breathing. My heart was beating so hard in my chest that at some point I was afraid my ribs would crack because of the force behind it. I was so excited about seeing Bella again but then again, I also didn't know how she would react to me at school. We hadn't really figured that out yet.

I know that before everything I had been the one to keep "us" hidden, but things were different now. I couldn't even imagine being away from her, even if it were just for a few hours. I just hoped she felt the same way and wasn't ashamed of me.

When my mother finally pulled up in front of school, people were already started to come out of the building and my eyes were scanning the crowd, hoping to see that one brunette that I had fallen in love with.

* * *

_A/N: *grin* Guess you're all hating me for stopping this chapter here? _

_I still love you guys though!_

_Momma2fan for president!_

_**Next update: **__Sunday evening (unless my internet is unfriendly again!)_

_Love, Ellen_


	50. Reunited

**Chapter 49: Reunited**

_Bella_

Leaving Edward behind in that crappy excuse of a school was one of the hardest things I had done in a long, long time. It was even higher up the list than the first time I had had to say goodbye to him well over a month ago.

All I had wanted to do the entire time I was there was wrap him up, put him in my bag and run away as fast as I could, as far away from everything and everyone. This whole clinic was destroying him and apparently I was the only one who could see it.

All this time, he might have been able to appear strong over the phone, but in this short period of time that we had been together, I had learned to read his features better than I knew how to interpret a poem of Shakespeare. One look and I could tell that he was crumbling, the little bit of life that had started burning inside of him again was slowly dying and I couldn't do a damn thing to stop it from happening. I could only pray that my presence would be enough to keep him afloat. Up until now it had, but even I was slowly falling apart…day by day, piece by piece. It was a slow destruction.

If this would go on any longer, we would both drown.

Fortunately for me, I was surrounded by people who loved me and tried to help me through it. My mother for instance, had insisted on driving me all the way to Seattle to see Edward even though that meant she had had to wait in the car the entire time I was be there. I guess she knew that I didn't even want to consider Esme's offer of taking me along with her and she had given me an entire speech on how it would be intolerable to let me drive after experiencing high emotions.

And now, Alice and Rose were both here with me, sitting on my bed, comforting me as I told them about today's events and Esme's odd behavior between hiccups and sniffs. Even though it was already late, they both stayed and just held me. They really were the best and before this all, I had never even been thankful for them. Over the past few weeks, we had grown close again, closer than before actually. I felt like I could talk to them about everything again, including everything that was going on with Edward of course. They had both even told me that they couldn't wait to officially meet him. Yeah, that was a moment I dreaded…

"Honey, I think it's time for Alice and Rosalie to go home. It's already past midnight and you all have school tomorrow," my mother said apologetically from the door. I knew she didn't like leaving me on my own, but of course, I couldn't keep my friends hostage in my room just because I was going through a rough time.

After a quick goodbye and another string of reassuring words, they left and my mother took their seat on my bed, pulling me closer to her.

"You're both strong, Bella, you'll get through this," she said before kissing my forehead. We stayed wrapped up for a few more minutes and then she left as well, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

The next day came and the only thing keeping me up was the fact that I knew that every day that passed by, was a day closer to seeing Edward again, no matter when that would be.

But today, I just couldn't find it in me to put a smile on my face to go to school. I couldn't even manage a fake one to fool everyone. All I could think about was my Edward and the light that was extinguishing in his eyes.

Alice and Rose of course tried their very best to cheer me up, but all was in vain. It was one of those days where nothing would be able to make me happy. I doubted that even the thirty minute call later today would succeed in that.

Nonetheless, I still managed to drag my way through the day and I couldn't help myself from sighing in relief as the last class for the day ended.

Only a few more hours before I could hear Edward's voice again.

Alice and Rose quickly joined me in the hallway to stow away some of our books in our lockers before making our way outside.

The way they were both hanging on me made me realize that I wasn't going home alone now. They would probably come with me, like they had done every time I had had a bad day. Yeah, they really were the best.

Both of them rattled all the way through the hallway, attempting to distract me from my evil thoughts. They weren't really succeeding, but I still made them believe they were, because being friend's works both ways. I didn't like to see them worrying about me.

However, the minute we were outside, their chatter stopped abruptly.

"Bella," Alice drew out slowly, patting me on the arm rather enthusiastically. I turned to look at her, wondering what on earth had her so chipper all of the sudden. Her expression was a shocked one, but the corners of her lips were turning into a bright smile at the same time.

"What?" I asked, turning my head into the direction she was staring, hoping to find the reason of her sudden mood change.

And then I saw it.

I saw _him_.

And that was about the time that I was sure that I had lost my mind completely. Was this the moment I was starting to imagine things? The moment where I was going to see Edward around every other turn, on every corner, of every street.

Even though it was just my imagination, I couldn't help but smile at the sight of my Edward. Because it was _my _Edward. His hair was a beautiful mess on top of his head and he had discarded the glasses.

He was perfect.

"Well, goooo," Alice laughed, pushing me into the direction of where 'Edward' stood.

I just turned to frown at her, wondering why she was pushing me towards my imaginary boyfriend.

The look on my face must have been a pretty hilarious one, because Alice was almost doubling over with laughter. Even Rose joined in somewhere halfway.

"Honey, he's not gonna wait forever," Rose snickered. "Oh wait, no I take it back, he probably will."

I looked between the two of them, and then back to Edward.

Was there a chance I wasn't imagining this? Was he really here?

Suddenly, I didn't care if the whole school saw; I didn't care what people thought; all I cared about was that boy who was standing way too far away from me.

I started running, feeling my heart beating faster with every step I got closer to him. A little part in the back of my mind was hoping I wouldn't trip and fall flat on my face, in true Bella style, but fortunately, the heavens were on my side for once.

I leaped into his arms, feeling them close around me the second our bodies collided.

I was home.

"You're really here," I whispered mesmerized, tears pooling in my eyes as I squeezed him closer. He really was here. I really wasn't going crazy.

"I'm really here," he repeated, his voice clouded with emotion as well.

* * *

_A/N: *happy sigh* They're back together :D :D_

_I'm sad to break it to you guys, but this was the second to last chapter… Only one left after this, and of course an epilogue, but then it's over… _

_I still love you though ;) & momma2fan!_

_**Next update: **__Tuesday evening probably ;)_

_Love, Ellen_


	51. Bliss

**Chapter 50: Bliss**

_Bella_

He really, _really_ was here. I could literally feel my heart starting to beat normally again in my chest as my senses caught his scent and my arms tightened around his neck. I wasn't imagining it.

"Wha-… How…A-…," I sputtered in my blubbery state, trying to question him on why he was here instead of in Seattle. _Not that I was complaining. At all._

"Mom let me come home," he whispered into my hair, instantly knowing that that had been my question.

"You're never going back again?" I asked, jerking away a bit to be able to look him in the eyes.

"Let's hope not," he replied, smiling one of my favorite smiles, making me realize that I was the luckiest girl in the world. I instantly snuggled back into his chest, feeling like I would burst out of happiness while I was still unable to believe that he really was back here. I didn't need to know the exact 'why' now. That could wait. Right now, I only wanted to feel him close, knowing that I would never have to let go of him ever again. Realizing there was only one thing I wanted more than to hold him, I went to stand on my tiptoes so I could reach those amazing lips of his. There was nothing – and I literally mean nothing – that was better than kissing my Edward. It was like Christmas magic, only even better.

"Everyone is staring," Edward whispered once we broke apart, but I could hear the grin in his voice. He didn't mind it and God; I couldn't stop myself from smiling then as well.

"I don't care," I said, tightening my arms around him even more. I was pretty sure I was choking him by now, but he didn't comment on it.

People kept walking past us, making their way to their car to get home. Every single one of them stared at us, but nobody commented. Part of me actually wanted someone to, just so I could tell them to get lost. A matter of setting an example for the rest, you know.

"Do you have a ride home?" Edward asked quietly.

I turned around looking for Alice and Rose, but couldn't find either of them. Just as I was about to start a search party, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I quickly fished it out and wasn't surprised to see that I had a text from Alice.

**I don't think you'll need our company anymore. Or our ride. –A**

"I don't think I have a ride anymore," I told Edward with a fake pout as I put my phone back.

"Well, then you'll come with me," he said happily. "But first we'll have to wait for my mother to come back."

I frowned at him, unable to understand why his mother was here. I hadn't seen her here before, or at least, I didn't think I did.

"Can we go sit somewhere?" he whispered in my ear, his eyes trailing the various people that were actually starting to drift to close to us, probably trying to catch bits of our conversation.

I nodded before dragging him towards one of the picnic benches far away from eavesdroppers. The minute I took a seat, Edward pulled me into his lap with a sheepish laugh. I got him though. I also had to overwhelming need to be as close as possible.

"Mom is inside trying to convince Mr. Greene and some other teachers to let me retake most of my tests, so I can prove myself," he said with a smile. I couldn't help but beam at him in return.

"Do you think they'll let you?" I asked.

"I don't know," he shrugged, "but let's hope they will because I kind of want to follow my girlfriend to college."

And I guess that was about the time my face split in two because of the enormous smile that graced my face. _He wanted to go to college with me!_

And then it suddenly hit me that his _mom _was trying to work some magic here.

I turned to frown at him, all of the little radars in my head trying to figure out why his mom had let him come home in the first place. I was suddenly very interested why he was home again.

"She overheard our conversation yesterday," Edward once again answered my unspoken question.

"One way mirror," he continued as my frown-face hadn't disappeared yet. If I didn't feel like squealing every time he answered a question I hadn't asked him yet, I would be freaked out.

After that he started telling me about everything that had happened since I had left the interrogation room at the Seattle Trauma Centre. I was shocked to hear what turn the events had taken, but dammit, I couldn't stop smiling. He would never have to go back. He would really be going to college, maybe even with me. Yeah, I didn't want to be the one to hold him back. He was a genius and going to college with me would mean that he wouldn't be working up to his full potential. I knew that was a hard conversation that we would have to have in the near future. I made a mental note to bring it up later, because now I wasn't in the mood for any heavy stuff. I just wanted to enjoy Edward's company and the light atmosphere.

"Oh, here you are," Esme's voice interrupted the meaningless conversation we were currently having. "I've been looking for you everywhere."

Edward immediately looked expectantly at her, and I guess I must have been throwing her the same look because Esme couldn't hold back a snicker, and shook her head in amusement.

"I think I've been able to arrange something," she said then, beaming with pride because of it. "You can retake most of them, starting next week until the end of the year. Mr. Greene will give you a schedule soon, so you'll know when you have to do what test."

Suddenly I was out of Edward's lap and he had his arms around his mother, both surprising me and her by this display of affection towards her.

I could see the tears forming in Esme's eyes as she wrapped her arms around her son. "Everything will be okay, son," she said, her voice breaking at least two times.

I quickly wiped away a tear myself, unable not to get affected by the sight. All of the hate I felt towards Esme was slowly fading away. Don't get me wrong, I would never forget what she had done, but at least she had fixed everything in the end.

"Bella?" Esme's voice interrupted me from my musings.

I looked up and saw her making her way towards me. "I can't thank you enough for what you've done for my son," she said, her eyes filling with tears once again. "If it weren't for you, I would have never seen how truly talented and wise my boy is. My own fears and problems have been in the way of so much these past few years that I was unable to realize that I was doing the wrong thing all along. So thank you. Thank you for being there for my son when no one else was. Thank you for loving him and thank you for opening my eyes all at the same time. I couldn't think of anyone more deserving of my boy."

I couldn't say anything. Not a damn word would leave my mouth as I saw the sincerity all over Edward's mother's face. And even before I could say something, she had her arms around me, whispering 'thank you's' over and over again.

"Well, let's get you two home," Esme said, wiping away some stray tears as we broke apart.

Edward was instantly at my side again, wrapping his arms around my waist and nuzzling his face into my hair.

"I am already home," he whispered, only for me to hear. "I'm home when I'm with you."

* * *

_A/N; And that's it, folks.. The end. Only the epilogue left now… _

_Yeah, I'm sad. I really loved writing these two (but I kinda like writing my new characters as well, so :D) Which reminds me, the first chapter of my new shortstory __**Aisle 8 **__will be up somewhere in the next few it out if you feel like it (It will be romance/ humor)  
_

_Love to momma2fan for being the best beta in the world!  
_

_**Next Update: **__Thursday _

_**Fic Rec: **__If you're looking for a fic to read; my friend WhatAboutMeAndYou is writing a really really nice, sweet one, called "Summer Nights"! You should totally check it out!_

_Love, Ellen_


	52. Epilogue

Disclaimer: Sadly enough, I still don't own Twilight, or these characters. All of this belongs to the amazing Stephenie Meyer. I just own the storyline ;)

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**Epilogue**

_Edward_

For so long I had been invisible, desperately trying to blend my way in to the school crowds. Trying not to catch the eye of anyone, because I was so damn afraid of their possible reaction to my presence. I was afraid they would comment on my being a freak, or a loner. Because I knew I wasn't the normal teenager. I wasn't your average seventeen year old and for so long I had hated myself for being 'different'.

But then she came along and opened my eyes.

She made me believe that there was nothing really wrong with me. She taught me how to believe in myself, and stand up to those who wanted to bring me down. She taught me how to love and loved me in return. Unconditionally.

She.

Bella.

Bella was the reason that I was here today, alongside every other student of Forks High, wearing an ugly yellow cap and gown, waiting for my name to be called at the graduation ceremony. I had really made it. I had graduated and a whole new world was waiting for me to explore.

My mother was sitting somewhere in the back of the room, already wiping away her tears as she saw me up here, ready to really start my life for real.

Over the past few months so much had changed, and I could only thank Bella for it, even though she would get angry at me for saying that. She firmly believed that it was all on me.

It wasn't.

She had been the one supporting me as I had to retake every test, assuring me that I could do it when sometimes I wanted nothing more than to just throw away all of my books and leave those tests for what they were. Of course, math and science was easy and I passed all of those tests with the highest mark, even getting a few compliments of my teachers for my brilliance. _Yeah, that did wonders to my self-confidence._

But other subjects like History and English weren't really my cup of tea. And that's where Bella stepped in, helping me at every chance she got, and making sure I got really good marks for basically everything.

On top of the success that I had earned in school, I could also proudly say that I was making improvements socially as well. Slowly Bella had introduced me to her friends, trying to make me comfortable around other people than her. At first I had been scared shitless that they would despise me and ignore me all the time, but that fear was quickly washed away as every single one of them greeted me with a big smile and accepted me into their lives with ease. I had even grown close to Alice and Rose's boyfriends, Jasper and Emmett. We weren't exactly bro's yet, but it was something. For the first time I had real friends; people who cared for me and stood up for me, no matter what the situation. It felt really goddamned good.

I was snapped out of my train of thoughts as Mr. Greene announced my name. I quickly made my way up the stage, trying to ignore the loud screaming of my mother when I finally accepted the paper out of Mr. Greene's hands. I felt invincible.

The rest of the ceremony passed in a blur and before I knew it, Bella was back by my side, wrapping her arms around me as she congratulated me.

"I'm so proud of you," she whispered, tightening her grip on me.

"It's all thanks to you," I replied, leaning in to kiss her swiftly. She was blushing lightly as we parted, making me fall in love with her all over again. "Congratulations love."

I could already see my mother pushing her way through the crowds to reach us, her face wet with tears. When she had finally succeeded, we were both wrapped into a hug as she started blubbering how proud she was of both of us.

A second later we were joined by Bella's parents, who also showed how proud they were. Charlie and Renee were two of the nicest people I had ever met, even though I was still scared shitless of Chief Swan sometimes. He had already insisted that I called him Charlie, much to Bella's surprise, but sometimes – mostly when I was holding Bella too close – he had that look in his eyes that told me to back off. Which I did, most of the time. I mean, the man had a gun, you know. Nonetheless, they had both accepted me as a strong and stable presence in Bella's life and I couldn't be happier about having them in my life.

After the promise to meet them all back at my place later in the evening, we parted again, ready to mingle a bit with the other students. We went to look for our friends when a highly annoying voice interrupted our search.

"Congratulations Edward," the nauseating voice announced, completely ignoring the fact that Bella was next to me as well. I sighed deeply as I turned around and faced the one person that made me want to crawl back into my shell again.

Tanya Denali… Where do I begin to explain that one?

Let's just say that ever since I had let Bella and Alice have a say in my wardrobe – with my full permission on every piece of clothing before they were allowed to purchase it of course – and actually my entire look, to be honest, I had caught the attention of some of other girls in school. I had never acknowledged any of them, mostly because as cheesy as it may sound, I had only eyes for my Bella. But Bella herself on the other hand, found it hard to deal with the attention they all suddenly threw at me. I don't know how many times I had already told her that she was the one for me, but still she always got possessive whenever one of them would try to get their claws into me.

I just nodded at Tanya, trying to look as uninterested as possible – which I didn't even have to fake – before turning back to Bella, who was now shooting daggers at Miss fake-nose.

Because she obviously didn't get the hint of being unwanted, I turned around, dragging Bella along with me to a more secluded area and most importantly away from a now scowling Tanya.

"Bella, she's got nothing on you," I said, trying to reassure her once again. "I love _you, _and only you."

"I know," she sighed deeply, "I'm just afraid that one day you're gonna take full advantage of your obvious handsomeness and that I'm gonna lose you to one of those whores."

I quickly turned to her, forcing her eyes into mine.

"Love, I thought you knew me better than that. I will never fall for their fakeness, because that's what they all are; fake. And I'll always be the same Edward. It's not because you've had a say in my outfit and looks that I've changed who I am. I'm still the same person, only now I have the most amazing, most beautiful girlfriend and a bit more self-confidence," I explained, grinning from ear to ear at the last few words.

A smile returned to her beautiful face, and I couldn't help but wrap my arms around her again. She was my everything. My compass, my true north, without Bella I was lost.

And that was also what had led me to deciding to follow her to U-Dub. I was fully aware – also thanks to the many times my mom and teachers had mentioned it – that I would be studying something well under my abilities and that I could get into much better universities, but I liked the programs that they offered at U-Dub and I just couldn't imagine being away from Bella, even for a short period of time.

It had taken me a great deal of time trying to convince her, but ultimately she realized that it was my decision and ever since then we had been planning everything.

My life had turned around so drastically, but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Everything was falling into place and for the first time I was actually looking forward to the future.

And most importantly of all; I wasn't invisible anymore. And I really liked it.

**THE END**

_A/N: And that was it. We're done! _

_Please leave me your thoughts on the epi and the entire story in general! Some feedback is amazing! _

_Longer author note follows (I have a lot to say :'D)_

_Love, Ellen_


	53. Author's Note

Sorry, no new chapter, sorry!

Just a longer **author's note** :) (Yes, I had a lot to say, sorry!)

First of all I wanted to thank all of you guys, over and over again! Thank you for reading, recommending, reviewing, tweeting, etc etc. It really really means the world to me! Without you this story wouldn't have been what it is today :D So thank you for supporting me throughout the entire ride. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU! I never would have dreamed of getting this much response!

I especially want to thank a few people who have been with me since the early stages – the ones I'm talking about know I'm talking about them!. Those people who reviewed every single chapter and motivated me to finish this story in no time! Well, four months that is. It really warmed my heart to see your reviews at every chapter! You're the best!

A very, very, very special thank you goes out to **momma2fan, **of course!. She truly is the most amazing and the best beta ever! I don't know how she sometimes kept up with my crazy "wanting-to-post-so-quickly-desires" but somehow she did. So thank you, Liz, really thank you!

As I am rambling anyway, I'd like to take a moment to announce that this most definitely won't be my last story! (I hope this pleases you). As you may have already noticed, I have posted the first chapter of my new story last night. So if you're interested in reading more of my stuff, please go check it out. (I'm actually rather proud of this story.) Anyway, this is the summary;

**Aisle 8: **According to recent studies, people are most likely to meet their soul mate in the supermarket. I, Bella Swan, can attest to that.

So, and I guess that's it for Tongue Tied. I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

I hope so see you again at Aisle 8 or maybe another one of my fics.

If not; go where the wind blows you and follow your dreams ;)

All my love, Ellen.


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